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Being single as a Christian woman can be so annoying…and confusing.
On the one hand, you’re trying to put yourself out there, mingle with other Christian singles, stay hopeful (when the odds seem so, so bleak), and remain open to love.
On the other hand, you’re trying to heed the church’s advice to “guard your heart”, not make marriage an “idol”, and not lose your joy while you wait. It’s like trying to balance on some invisible spiritual seesaw.
Then, you have well-meaning family, friends, and folks at church that say things to you like:
- “You just need to be content.”
- “Girl, you don’t need to look! He’ll show up when you least expect it.”
- “Maybe God is trying to teach you something.”
- Once you’ve grown and matured enough, your ‘Adam’ will find you.
I’m sure by now you’ve heard it all before.
But what they don’t always say is that contentment doesn’t mean complacency. And being hopeful doesn’t mean you’re not satisfied in God. You can love your life, be full of joy, and still desire a husband — and God can honor both those things.
Contentment doesn’t mean complacency. And being hopeful doesn’t mean you’re not satisfied in God. You can love your life, be full of joy, and still desire a husband — and God can honor both those things. Share on XWhat the Bible Actually Says (Not What Auntie or Church Lady Said)
Let’s go to the Word, not the whispers:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find…” (Matthew 7:7)
God literally encourages us to ask and seek, not shrink and suppress. Does this mean God will answer all of your requests with an immediate ‘yes’? No! But what it does suggest is that you should freely ask God for what you want. And when it comes to seeking, pray to the Holy Spirit to give you direction if you’re concerned about what you can do. Once you get the go-ahead, don’t be afraid to try new things.
- Have family/friends that want to set you up? Give it a try.
- Thinking about trying online dating? Hop on an app or two!
- Heard of a singles mixer at your local church or country club? Stop by!
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
Desire isn’t sinful. When your heart is aligned with Him, your desires are safe in His hands. I don’t think this verse can make it anymore crystal clear. While you are in your singleness journey and waiting season, do not just sit at home, watching Netflix, and hoping that the next time you leave your house, you’ll magically bump into a doctor who’ll save you from oncoming traffic (yes, this is a plot point in a well-known rom-com). Delight yourself in the Lord means exactly what it sounds like.
- Work on growing and deepening your relationship with God. Pray, read your Bible regularly, and put on your worship playlist. Enjoy just being with and fellowshipping with God. He LOVES spending time with you and you will always leave better for it.
- Join/be a part of a Christian community (e.g., attend a local church, join a small group, visit a Bible study, etc.). Find ways to regularly participate in activities that will feed and nourish you spiritually.
- If there’s no small group in your area, start one! Create the community you wish you had. There may be women out there who would love to join and have other women they can walk through life with.
- Look for volunteer opportunities in your area. This is what being Jesus’ hands and feet is all about. Don’t just focus on your life. Ask yourself, “How can I make someone else’s life, or even someone else’s day, just a little bit better?”
What does God want you to do now? Go back to school? Leave school? Write a book? Stay home with your kids? Re-enter the workforce? Go into ministry? Get that business idea off the ground? Go on a missions trip?
Remember, God always has something He wants you to work on. Don’t say, “I’ll do all of those things once I’m married.” No, sis, start it now!
“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)
That’s not just future talk. It’s now talk. Your joy is not on layaway until you get a ring. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is waiting on some “perfect” day to start living an abundant life. Note, in that verse Jesus doesn’t say,
- “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly once they get married.” Or,
- “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly once they get a boyfriend.” Or,
- “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly once they buy a house.” Or,
- “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly once they buy their dream car.”
- God wants you to be able to enjoy life now…so what are you waiting for?
5 Loving Scripts to Respond to “Well-Meaning” People
Now I know what you’re thinking. “What about those people whose hearts are (supposedly) in the right place but are driving me absolutely bonkers with all of their advice or questions?!” Here’s how to hold your ground with grace when people give you unhelpful advice or questions about waiting:
- “I am waiting on God, but I believe waiting doesn’t mean wasting.”
- This shows them you’re still trusting God, but you’re also choosing to live now rather than put your life on pause.
- “I can be content and still have godly desires. I serve a BIG God…He can handle both.”
- Reframes the false choice they’re presenting. God is not overwhelmed by your contentment/joy and longing. This is black and white thinking that you should freely kick to the curb!
- “I’m preparing my heart and life for what I’m praying for.”
- Helps them understand that you’re not idle, you’re intentional. How many people are currently married and look back on their singleness and desperately wish they had used it more effectively? No need for you to be one of them.
- “God didn’t tell me to sit still—He told me to live abundantly.”
- This reframes what “waiting” looks like biblically. Some people think waiting is passive. Wrong! Waiting on God is an active process. It involves you praying for what you want, waiting on God to provide, but also living your life with intentionality now and maximizing this season. This can look like:
- Being involved in ministry
- Traveling and seeing the world
- Volunteering
- Starting that business
- Sleeping in for an extra hour on Saturday (I promise God isn’t judging you, sis!).
- This reframes what “waiting” looks like biblically. Some people think waiting is passive. Wrong! Waiting on God is an active process. It involves you praying for what you want, waiting on God to provide, but also living your life with intentionality now and maximizing this season. This can look like:
- “I trust God’s timing, but I also know He’s given me this season for a reason.”
- This reminds them (and yourself) that you’re not just passing time—you’re purposeful with your time. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, now’s the time.
- Take that class now.
- Get your degree.
- Practice submission now to the authority figures God has already placed in your life (you do not want to be learning submission for the first time when you’re married!).
- This reminds them (and yourself) that you’re not just passing time—you’re purposeful with your time. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, now’s the time.
Pro tip: You can say every single one of these with a smile, a head tilt, and a quick subject change if you need to keep it cute.
7 Powerful Ways to Enjoy and Thrive in Singleness Right Now
I don’t want you to think of your single season as a holding cell. Instead, I encourage you to view it as a spiritual and emotional greenhouse—a place for your growth and thriving, not punishment. Here’s how to thrive:
1. Travel solo or with girlfriends.
Start small if needed — a weekend road trip, a hotel or Airbnb staycation, or even a day trip to a nearby town. Traveling alone builds confidence, creates core memories, and helps you discover more about who you are.
2. Serve in your community or church.
I can’t say this enough. Find a cause you care about.
- Volunteer at a women’s shelter
- Mentor a teen/young adult
- Join the hospitality/welcome team at your church.
When you pour into others, your joy multiplies and your perspective shifts from “lack” to “legacy” and from “ingratitude” to “thankfulness.”
3. Learn a new skill or hobby.
- Want to cook better? Take a cooking class. Practice making your favorite dishes at home.
- Love music? Try piano or violin lessons.
- Start a YouTube channel. Yes, you can repost those IG reels there and get a 2-for-1.
Sis, if you haven’t heard it before, you are so much more than your relationship status! Discover what lights you up and then do it (just make sure it isn’t unbiblical or something that would break God’s heart).
4. Make your space your sanctuary.
Don’t wait until you’re married to decorate with intention. Buy the cozy throw blanket, hang the artwork (yes, the one your girlfriend said looked “weird”), buy yourself that bouquet that caught your eye, burn the candle, plug in the AirWick/Glade/Wallflower. Make your home feel like a hug when you walk in, all while trusting that God will one day answer your prayers for a man who can give you an actual hug.
5. Nurture life-giving friendships.
Schedule recurring friend dates. Be intentional! If you don’t plan a time, the months will just fly by (ask me how I know…!). Build sisterhoods that are deep, fun, and full of accountability. Community is not a consolation prize for not having a man — it’s necessary.
6. Start a passion project or side hustle.
That blog idea, Etsy shop, podcast, or nonprofit dream? Start laying the foundation now.
Remember, marriage won’t suddenly give you more time. Neither will having a munchkin who follows you around all day and wiggles his fingers under the bathroom door when you just want a moment to yourself. That idea you had? It’s much easier to begin developing it while you’re single.
7. Make joy a discipline.
What I mean by that is joy isn’t just something you have. It’s something you cultivate, like a plant.
- Plug into your relationship with God.
- Practice expressing gratitude for something or someone every single day.
- Volunteer to help or donate to the less fortunate (makes it harder to focus on what you’re lacking).
- Schedule fun activities.
- Go to that comedy show (if you can afford it); don’t just watch the special on Netflix.
- Dance in your kitchen (I totally won’t judge if the broom is your partner or mic for now…).
- Take yourself on solo dates.
Practicing joy is an intentional spiritual discipline—don’t underestimate it.
Preparing for Marriage Starts Now
If there’s one thing I want you to remember, it’s that this site is all about helping you to make the most of this season. Don’t waste it simply wishing for marriage. While I hope and pray that God answers your prayer soon, if your marriage isn’t for another 2+ years, I don’t want you to spend that time pining for a man (besides, you already have a man who loves you to pieces!!!…His name is Jesus 🙃).
Marriage magnifies who you already are. So start the prep work now—not in a frantic, panicked way, but in a purposeful way. So what does the prep work look like? Keep an eye out for part 2 here when it drops!
What would you add to these lists?