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I was recently scrolling the internet when I came across an article with this headline: “The ‘Marry Me’ Sex Move That’ll Make Even the Most Commitment-Phobic of Men Beg to See You Again (and it worked for three of my friends).”
And honestly? I read it. Not because I believe it’s true. While great sex may get a man to stay temporarily, it doesn’t guarantee he will stick around long term. But strictly for research purposes of this blog, of course. The things I do for you lovely ladies… 🙃
But going back to my first thought, I wasn’t super shocked at the headline. We see this type of content all over — magazines at the grocery store, TikToks going viral, blog headlines screaming “Ten Bedroom Secrets to Make Him Stay With You.”
The loud, cultural message is this:
If you’re a woman, your job is to impress men in the bedroom. Do tricks, be unforgettable, drive him wild, and lock him down with your body.
But here’s the tension: as a woman out in these dating streets, what’s a girl to do if she’s a Christian who’s sexually abstinent and waiting until marriage?
Or what if she’s a Christian woman who has not been abstinent, is trying her best to move differently now, yet sees this headline and wonders how she ought to move sexually?
Let’s talk about about few things. Namely,
- God’s design for sex
- The risks of stepping outside of His plan, and
- The truth about your worth and value (independent of your ability to twist yourself into a pretzel for your man’s pleasure).
God’s Good and Beautiful Design for Sex
First, let’s set the record straight: God created sex. It wasn’t the devil’s invention, and it certainly was not Cosmo’s idea.
From the beginning, God designed sex as something good. Sex is not bad. Sex isn’t something you should never talk about. Sex is not dirty. Don’t let the old church ladies or prudes fool you. Besides, how do you think their kids got onto this planet???
Your worth and value as a woman are independent of your ability to twist yourself into a pretzel for your man’s pleasure. Share on XHere are three purposes Scripture shows us:
1). Unity (Oneness)
Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Sex was designed to bond a husband and wife physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Like pieces of a puzzle, the two literally become “one” in the act of physical intimacy.
2). Fruitfulness
Genesis 1:28 tells Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply.” Sex is not only unifying, it’s also life-giving. It’s how God populates the earth with new image-bearers (i.e., kiddos!).
Now that being said, will every married woman have kids? No, because we live in a fallen world (not to mention those who choose not to have kids). But ideally, God wants Christians to re-populate the earth with kids that they will then raise in the Word to become strong Christians later on.
God designed sex as something good. Sex is not bad. Sex isn’t something you should never talk about. Sex is not dirty. Don’t let the old church ladies fool you. Besides, how do you think their kids got onto this planet? Share on X3). Delight
Yes, believe it or not, God made sex intensely pleasurable. God made sex to be enjoyed. There is nothing wrong as a married Christian woman to enjoy having sex (lots of sex even) with your handsome, virile husband.
Don’t believe me? Proverbs 5:18–19 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth… let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” God wants married couples to enjoy sex, not just endure it.
Believe it or not, God designed marriage as the only safe container for sex. Why? Because marriage comes with vows, a covenant, and lifelong commitment. Marriage is where sex flourishes best — no fear of abandonment, no guessing games, no wondering if tomorrow he’ll ghost you.
Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth… let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” God wants married couples to enjoy sex, not just… Share on XThe Cost of Premarital Sex
In general, our culture rarely talks about the hidden costs of sex outside marriage, but let’s unpack them in detail. I want you to be able to make a truly informed decision, especially when the devil is constantly trying to convince you to step outside of God’s plan and do things your (read: the devil’s!) way.
STDs and Infections
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HPV, genital herpes, HIV, trichomoniasis, and hepatitis. Many of these can be managed or even cured with treatment, but some are lifelong. And because some have no obvious symptoms upfront, people can pass them along without realizing it.
Sex outside marriage opens the door to diseases that were never part of God’s plan. 1 Corinthians 6:18 warns: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
Unplanned Pregnancies
A baby is a blessing, but without the covenant of marriage, raising a child can become an overwhelming struggle. Many women are left alone to carry the weight while the man walks away and lives his live with no attachments or burdens (physical or financial).
This doesn’t even account for the costs the child accrues (in terms of rejection, abandonment, emotional issues, and more) and society accrues from children who come from fatherless homes and, unfortunately, go off the rails!!!
Heartbreak and Rejection
If the man gets what he wants physically but leaves emotionally, the wound can cut deep. Many women describe feeling like an object —or worse, a dumpster — where the guy uses their body and then walks away. This can leave women reeling emotionally, not to mention the physical consequences that may ensue (pregnancy, STIs. etc.). Remember, Proverbs 4:23 says: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” A lot of us try to protect our body by using a condom, but there’s no condom to protect your heart.
Soul Ties
Sexual intimacy knits bodies (and souls!) together. Paul describes this in 1 Corinthians 6:16, “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’”
Sex creates a spiritual and emotional bond that isn’t easily broken, even if the relationship ends. This is why you can know how bad a guy is, and yet still find yourself going back to him over, and over, and over again. Sex is like a glue that can keep you stuck to the wrong person.
A lot of us try to protect our bodies by using a condom, but there’s no condom to protect your heart. That’s why Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Share on XDistance from God
Sin clouds intimacy with God. Isaiah 59:2 says, “Your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God.”
Sis, if you feel distant from God, it’s not because God has moved. It’s because your sin will always lead to guilt and shame that keeps you separated from God and blocks your ability to commune with Him. In addition, unconfessed sin can weigh down your walk with God.
Distorted Perception of a Partner
I once overheard a woman say, “Girl, she won’t leave him. She has been d*ckmatized!” I sat in the corner thinking, “What in the world did I just hear?!!”
Ignoring the slang, the point she was getting at is great sex can blind you to red flags and keep you stuck on the wrong person. You may minimize, overlook, or disregard abuse, irresponsibility, inconsistency, immaturity, or even infidelity because the physical connection feels so good or so strong.
Reduced Future Bonding
Lastly, research suggests multiple premarital partners can make it harder to bond deeply in marriage later, because the brain learns to associate sex with short-term relationships rather than covenantal security. So now, when you finally do meet your person and get married, the “glue” of sex doesn’t work as well as it would have if you had abstained in your singleness.
The Truth
Sis, none of these facts are meant to scare you. They’re meant to remind you that God’s boundaries are protection, not punishment. God doesn’t want to keep you from having fun. He wants to provide the context for you to have the most guilt-free, shame-free fun possible!
And here’s the thing, sis — when we step outside of God’s design, it doesn’t just affect us internally. It also impacts the type of men we attract and the way they may treat us.
If sex becomes the centerpiece of the relationship, some men will take advantage of that vulnerability and see you as a means to an end rather than a whole, valuable woman. That’s why it’s so important to understand not just the risks to your own heart, but also the mindsets and intentions of the men you may encounter. Click here to read more.
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