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Ever had one of those seasons where you feel like you’re on top of the world? I have. Everything was clicking, doors were opening, and my prayers were being answered left and right!
But then there are those other seasons. The long, hard, stretching seasons. The ones that feel like one valley after another, one loss after another, one “almost” that turns into “not quite.”
I cannot tell you how often I have met and dated a guy, thought that he could be “the One,” only to be horribly disappointed when he eventually showed his true colors. And that’s not to say that I was perfect. Far from it! But, I’m talking about those guys who pretend to be something they’re not.
As a single woman, sometimes, I have felt like the valley of my singleness will never end. I know what it’s like to watch friend after friend get married. Maybe you’ve been there too.
You celebrate:
- Baby showers
- Engagements
- Anniversaries and milestones.
You don’t let that discourage you! Instead, you continue to date with hope, real hope, only to run face-first into red flags, ghosting, or men who want your body but not your heart. Insert a loud sigh here…
Sometimes, even men who identify as Christians, and go to church, will lie to your face, make promises they never intend to keep, or propose with their lips what they have ZERO intention of backing up with their lives. And did I mention they can quote scripture with the best of them??? Ask me how I know…
Meanwhile, you keep living. You travel. You work hard. You build a good life. You go out and make yourself available since everybody says you’ll only meet the FedEx guy if you don’t leave your house.
And yet…no real prospects.
Just another pit, another emotional drop, another quiet night where it feels like your pillow hugs you more than anyone else ever will.
When that’s your story for years, or maybe even decades, it can start to feel like certain things will never happen for you.
Why Chasing Happiness Leaves You Empty
Here’s the tricky thing I’ve learned about seasons like this: your human instinct is to reach for something, anything, that will make you feel better.
You may chase:
- Relationships to validate you.
- Money or career wins to distract you.
- Travel to escape your singleness or dreary life.
- Possessions to soothe your inner ache.
- Substances to numb your feelings completely.
I’ve done it, more times than I care to admit! I’ve found myself latching onto things, people, or experiences to keep my feelings of loneliness from overtaking me. Sometimes, loneliness feels like a riptide sucking you in and refusing to let you go until it drowns you.
But what happens when you hold onto one of those things I mentioned above, and the marriage you’ve prayed for is still out of reach? What happens when you check everything off a milestone/achievement list and still feel hollow?
Loneliness feels like a riptide sucking you in and refusing to let you go until it drowns you. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XI’ll tell you because I’ve done it.
Chasing happiness never works because happiness is tied to your circumstances. When life goes up, so does your mood. But when life dips, your sense of worth, hope, and peace always comes crashing down with it.
The world says “follow your heart” and “do what makes you happy.” And yet, the Bible never says chase happiness. Instead, it says you ought to pursue joy.
Why do you think that is?
Joy: What the Bible Actually Says
First thing I want you to know: Joy is not the same as happiness.
- Joy is deeper.
- Joy is anchored.
- Joy is unflappable.
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit that doesn’t rise and fall with your relationship status, your life circumstances, or your bank account.
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again — rejoice!” — Philippians 4:4 (NLT)
I live in south Florida, home of sunshine, beaches, cultural diversity, and more!
But south Florida is also a place where hurricanes regularly pop up between June and November. If you’ve never personally witnessed a hurricane, let me tell you tight now, it is not a joke!
Chasing happiness never works because happiness is tied to your circumstances. When life goes up, so does your mood. But when life dips, your sense of worth, hope, and peace always comes crashing down with it. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XI will never forget one time when my family and I were bunkered down during a hurricane. In the middle of the night, something loudly smacked against our house.
The next morning, we saw what it was: a stop sign. The wind had literally ripped the red octagon right off the pole! Talk about a powerful storm!
Joy is a posture of the heart that enables you to look at the hurricane of life and choose to stand firm anyway, not because everything is perfect around you, but because you know that God is constant even when life isn’t.
Think of people like:
- Paul, who rejoiced in prison.
- David, who sang in caves while being chased by King Saul.
- Hannah, who worshiped through her tears.
Their lives were far from easy, but they learned the secret: real joy isn’t found in your external wins or even in your relationships. It’s found in your unshakable God.
Joy is a posture of the heart that enables you to look at the hurricane of life and choose to stand firm anyway — not because everything is perfect around you, but because you know that God is constant even when life isn’t.… Share on XThree Constants Worth Fixing Your Eyes On
When everything else around you is unpredictable, these three things remain unchanging:
1. God Himself Never Changes
People change. Plans change. Your feelings change. But God remains steady.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” — Hebrews 13:8 (NLT)
David held onto this truth during some of the darkest seasons of his life. Even when betrayed, hunted, and alone, he said:
“I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” — Psalm 16:8 (NLT)
2. God’s Love for You Is Unfailing
When rejection hits and loneliness creeps in, the enemy will whisper that you’re:
- Unworthy,
- Undesirable,
- Forgotten, or
- Overlooked.
But remember, God’s love for you doesn’t flicker with your relationship status, your employment status, or even your bank account. God’s love is steady, fierce, and personal to you.
“No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.” — Romans 8:39 (NLT)
Hannah learned to cling to God’s love through years of waiting for a child. Her tears didn’t disqualify her. No, they drew her closer to the One who heard every prayer.
When rejection and loneliness hit, the devil whispers you’re unworthy, undesirable, forgotten, or overlooked. But God’s love doesn’t flicker based on your status. God’s love is steady, fierce, and personal. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X3. His Promises Will Be Fulfilled
Sis, God will never be careless with your story. If He said it, He will bring it to pass, in His way and His time.
“God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act?” — Numbers 23:19 (NLT)
Still waiting for marriage or some other prayer to be answered? Join the club!
- Abraham was promised a son at 75, but Isaac wasn’t born until he was 100. He waited over two decades for his promise. Two decades!
- Joseph endured betrayal by his own brothers (at 17) and later false imprisonment. He didn’t rise to the position of prime minister until he was 30.
- David was anointed at 17 but on the run for years as a fugitive from King Saul and various enemies. He became king of Israel when he was 30 years old.
Do you notice anything in each of these stories? Each of these men waited, and waited, and waited.
But when the time was right, the promise God made to them still came to pass. And when it came, it was even bigger and better than they could have imagined.
Don’t Look at the Waves
Sis, I know this isn’t easy. It’s not. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it with Bible verses or clichés.
I know it’s hard to keep showing up while it feels like the very thing your heart longs for is delayed. But here’s a gentle reminder:
When Peter walked on water, he only began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the waves.
“But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. ‘Save me, Lord!’ he shouted.” — Matthew 14:30 (NLT)
The waves for you might be your singleness. The ticking of your biological clock. The number of failed dates. The sting of yet another engagement announcement, or even a broken engagement.
But those aren’t the things meant to hold your gaze.
Your eyes were made to rest on Jesus.
When Peter walked on water, he only began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the waves. The waves for you might be your singleness, your biological clock, failed dates, or even a broken engagement. Don’t focus on… Share on XShift Your Focus, Sis
Instead of staring at the valleys, the timelines, or the ache, choose to lift your eyes:
- Fix them on God, who never changes.
- Root yourself in His love, which never fails.
- Anchor your hope in His promises, which never fall short.
Joy isn’t pretending the valleys don’t exist. Joy is choosing to trust the One who walks through each of the valleys with you.
This week, I challenge you to stop looking at the waves and fix your eyes on Jesus.
I put this in big, bold letters because I don’t want you to forget this (even if you forget everything else)!
Joy isn’t pretending the valleys don’t exist. Joy is choosing to trust the One who walks through each of the valleys with you. His name is Jesus. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XPick one of the scriptures above and write it somewhere you’ll see it daily.
Pray it back to God every time discouragement whispers. And remind yourself: “My joy isn’t on backorder. My joy can be found here, anchored in the God who loves me dearly.”
Because your story isn’t stuck. It’s just being written by a God who writes beautiful complicated, character-building stories, from beginning to end.
Share this with a sister who’s struggling to keep her joy. And if this spoke to your heart, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
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