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There are a lot of opinions out there on what it means to look good, dress stylishly, and be modest as a single Christian woman.
Here’s where I stand: I’m not here to give you hard-and-fast rules about what you can or can’t wear. Why? Two reasons:
- The Bible doesn’t give hard/fast rules (and I really don’t think I can do a better job than God can 😅). And two,
- Because everybody’s perspective is different. Your story, your background, your convictions, and your culture all play into how you approach style/dressing modestly.
But let me be clear: this is not me saying wear anything because “God accepts me as I am.” Yes, God does accept you as you are. And no, wearing that revealing two-piece won’t keep you out of heaven.
However, in 1 Timothy 2:9-10 it says, “And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.”
And scripture also calls us to cultivate beauty that comes from within and live with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3–4).
Do I want you to look and feel your absolute best when you walk out the door? Heck yeah! But not at the expense of doing it in a way that would not be pleasing to God or that screams the opposite of humility.
Anybody can buy a beautiful outfit and get lots of praise and compliment on your beauty. But it takes a special kind of woman to get praise and compliments not just on what she wears, but on how she carries herself and shows up for the people around her.
How to Be Modest?
That’s why I encourage reading the Word, asking the Spirit for guidance, and figuring out what feels right for you.
1. Don’t just think in terms of coverage, think in terms of value
God created you beautifully. But that doesn’t mean He created you to be fully seen and known by everybody. As a daughter of God, you have inherent worth and value that can’t be taken away. That means you are precious.
Think about the things in our world that are considered valuable, or the people in our world who are considered VIPs.
- Are they easily accessed?
- Do they stay in the same areas as everyone else?
- Are they easy to obtain?
- Are seats at their table $10 or less?
Don’t overthink it. The answer is ‘NO!’
If you grew up in a religious or conservative household, you were probably told to avoid:
- Cleavage
- Short clothing
- Skin-tight clothing
- See-through clothing
- High slits
My view is simple. Ask yourself, am I giving away something precious as it has no value? Will I be drawing people to my body as opposed to my heart, character, or personhood?
If I bend forward, will I have a wardrobe malfunction? If I bend down, will something fall/pop out? 😳 I once wore a strapless dress that had me concerned every time I needed to bend over! Needless to say, I chucked it!
If the answer to any of these is ‘yes,’ reconsider it. Invest in quality undergarments (bras, shape wear, etc.) to ensure you not only look good, but you feel comfortable.
2. Ask yourself, is this about me or is this about attention?
Newsflash: wanting attention is NOT bad (bet you didn’t see that coming!). God created us to want attention. This is an emotional need, just like validation, affirmation, etc.
This is why your niece doesn’t care that you’re on your computer working and will literally grab your face to force you to watch Frozen with her for the umpteenth time.
However, there is such a thing as having an unhealthy need for attention that comes from:
- Emotional voids
- Insecurity, neglect/abuse, and
- Wanting a man’s/person’s validation or affirmation.
If this is you, then first you need to work on obtaining those things from God first. Otherwise, you’ll wear clothing solely to draw attention to your body or to be “seen” or “chosen.”
Sis, you’re already chosen. Since before the world was created, God chose you. He sees you. He sent His son to die on the cross for you.
You need to know you are beautifully, fearfully, and wonderfully made. While compliments are nice, if you dress solely for their attention and compliments, you will become hooked like an addict to a drug.
I believe it was Cornelius Lindsey who said, “If you live by their compliments, you will die by their criticism [I’d add, neglect to that!].”
3. Context Matters
Imagine you saw a:
- Man in long sleeved pajamas frolicking in the beach water
- Woman in lingerie presenting the Word during the Sunday morning service
- Lady in a full-length, organza ball gown at a pool party
Would this seem strange to you? Of course it would! You would obviously notice that these people were not dressed for the occasion. The context is all wrong.
When being modest ask yourself, is this appropriate for this context?
What feels appropriate at the beach, the gym, on a date, at church, or at work is not always the same. An outfit that’s perfectly normal at the pool may not be wise for a Sunday service.
Not everything is sinful. But not everything is suitable for every setting.
4. Be Culturally Sensitive
You’re also often taught to consider the people and culture around you.
What feels modest in one place or normal in one church may feel shocking in another. For example, depending on what culture/country you’re in, some churches want your hair, shoulders, or legs covered before you can enter.
In a situation like that, respect may look like covering up those body parts that you would normally leave uncovered at your own church.
That doesn’t mean you live in fear of others’ opinions or allow them to control you. It means you practice awareness, sensitivity, and love instead of rebellion for rebellion’s sake.
5. Talk to or emulate older, godly women you trust
Titus 2 tells us that older women are meant to guide us. And by older women, I don’t mean the 80-year-old woman at your church who judges every woman who walks by wearing a tight dress!
The older woman can be that woman at your church, school, or job who dresses stylishly (without letting it all hang out). This can also be an aunt or your pastor’s wife whose fashion sense you admire.
My cousin’s wife (who’s like a big sister to me) is stylish, fashionable, and wears heels everywhere. Because of her, I began to experiment in various ways. I wore prints and patterns I never would have tried before and even wore things outside of my comfort zone.
While I’m sure some older church ladies would have scoffed at some of my outfits, I felt comfortable, beautiful, and felt no conviction about what I was wearing.
6. Ask a trusted man for his perspective (If you don’t have one, scroll to the next section…)
Whether it’s your dad, brother, or husband sometimes getting a man’s honest input helps us as only a man knows just how visual guys can be.
Years ago, I purchased a one-piece swimsuit with mesh cut out panels. I didn’t notice they were see-through until I put it on.
After putting it on (it was not scandalous at all guys!), I asked my brother his thoughts. He said, “Looks fine to me.” Upon pointing out the mesh panels to him, he said, “I didn’t notice they were see-through either.” I felt more comfortable knowing that he thought it looked fine.
If you disagree with your male relative’s or partner’s advice, don’t just follow it because they said it! Pray about it before outright dismissing their opinion.
7. Pray and let the Holy Spirit guide you
At the end of the day, it’s not about impressing people: it’s about honoring God. What would God have you wear or not wear?
- Is what you’re wearing something that will lead people (i.e., the wrong people) to you…or your body?
If you’re not entirely sure about an outfit or get a check in your spirit, talk to God about it. God wants to be involved in every part of your life. Give Him a chance to help you make wise clothing choices.
The Other Extreme: When Modesty Becomes Legalism
Now, for my sisters who believe being a Christian woman means covering up every inch of your body. I need to lovingly challenge you, too.
God gave you your body.
- Your curves.
- Your shape.
They are not accidents. Hiding your body in oversized, frumpy, or matronly clothes doesn’t make you any holier!
If you’re covering up because you think it makes you better than the sister in Christ who’s comfortable in a tank and shorts, then your heart posture is off. Modesty isn’t about comparing yourself to someone else. It’s about humility before God.
And don’t forget, God is an artist. He appreciates beauty. He designed beauty. And yes, God cares about how you present yourself to the world.
Remember, Prov. 12:4a says, “A worthy wife is a crown for her husband.” You heard that, sis? A CROWN. Don’t be afraid to put in the work to look and feel beautiful, stunning, and gorgeous. You’re reflecting God’s craftsmanship when you take care of and beautify yourself.
What would you add to this list to help a sister make modest choices?
Come back tomorrow for How to Choose Clothes That Make You Look Stunning, Feel Confident, and Step Into Your Power
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