You Need to Swipe Smart, Not Desperate: How to Find Mr. Right and Avoid Mr. All Wrong Pt 2

If you haven’t already, check out part 1 here.

Practical Tips for Swiping Smart:

1. Know your non-negotiables — and keep them.

If you want a man who’s actively walking with the Lord, then don’t entertain that guy who isn’t actively walking with the Lord.

You can’t date him into the kingdom so don’t even try. Pay attention to his fruit and then move accordingly. What might fake fruits look like?

• “I don’t really go to church but I believe in God.”
• “I read the Bible when I need a word from God.”
• “I mean, I consider myself more spiritual/new age than religious.”
• “What’s wrong with going to the club? You can share Jesus with the people there too.”
• I don’t identify as a Christian but I believe God exists.”

If you want a man who’s actively walking with the Lord, then don’t entertain that guy who isn’t actively walking with the Lord. Share on X

2. Don’t put all your hope in a profile.

Sis, don’t be fooled. A guy can literally put anything on his profile. ANYTHING!

Profiles are curated. They’re written to try to lure women in with a picture-perfect idea of who this guy is. They don’t include all of his pesky or disgusting habits (like wearing the same pair of underwear for a week 🤢). Profiles are a lot like Instagram — a virtual highlight reel showcasing his best qualities/traits.

Remember, talk is cheap. Time, consistency, and character reveal the real story about his character…or lack thereof.

3. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Then, STOP!

Now, I know some people may read this as, “You’re saying women should chase men!” Not exactly…

All I’m saying is when you’re on the app don’t be afraid to comment/like his profile (as long as that doesn’t go against your conscience). Then take a step back and see what he does.

If you’re constantly the one having to put in all the work after that, RED FLAG! 🚩 You will have to do that throughout the relationship and it will drain you. Run now! 🏃‍♂️

However, if he picks up from there and keeps it going, give him a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Besides, Proverbs 31 says she brings her food from afar. If sis can import groceries, you can definitely send a “Hey, I liked The Equalizer too!” message. It’s not about chasing — it’s about being open and willing to show interest.

4. Have an exit plan for red flags.

Red flags are called red flags for a reason. If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you, ask clarifying questions and go from there. Once you’ve gotten clarity, don’t make excuses. As my hairstylist always told me, not everybody is meant for you to date; some are solely meant for you to minister to.

• He hints at purity but jokes you should come over and “Netflix and chill?” Unmatch.
• He badmouths his ex and talks about how all of his exes were crazy? Swipe left.
• He says he loves Jesus but hasn’t touched his Bible or been to church in years? Pass.
• He tells you to sext him to prove you love him? Walk, no, RUN away!

Remember, you’re allowed to leave at any point. You don’t owe him unlimited chances.

5. Keep your identity anchored.

One of the biggest mistakes you make as a woman is tying your worth and value to externals. This is what happens when you assume that the way people treat you is an indicator of your worth or value.

Remember, contrary to what your brain would have you believe, your worth and value are inherent and stable; they don’t change.

Your value doesn’t increase when you match with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, and your value doesn’t decrease when that same guy ghosts you three months later. Your worth was nailed to a cross — it’s not tied to some lame guy’s treatment of you.

“Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” —Psalm 34:5

Your value doesn’t increase when you match with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, and it doesn’t decrease when that same guy ghosts you three months later. Your worth was nailed to a cross — it’s not tied to some lame guy’s… Share on X

Encouragement:

Swiping smart is about going into dating with a firm head on your shoulders, a knowledge of who and whose you are (and what you bring to the table), and a determination not to overlook, bypass, or minimize red flags.

You can try apps without becoming obsessed. And you can believe God has good plans for you, even when the matches are dry as dirt.

Book Recommendation: How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud — This one’s practical and spiritual and does a good job of providing a guideline on how you can get a phenomenal date. I highly recommend.

Send this to your Christian bestie swiping in the wild streets of Hinge. Let’s date smart together.