Don’t Believe the Lie! How to Stop Feeling Behind When You’re Single at 40 +

You Are Still in Bloom

If you’re in your 40s and still waiting for your husband, I can only imagine your struggles.

You probably had a plan for how your life (and love life) would go. So did your parents. So did your siblings. So did your peers. And yet year after year keeps passing with nothing to show for it.

You’ve seen your prayers go unanswered, timelines shift, and expectations evolve or maybe even disappear altogether. Sis, if you’re still believing, that is faith. Keep it up! God wants you to keep believing even before you see what you are praying for. But if you’re struggling to believe and maintain the faith, sit down, grab a drink, and join the club.

I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. That space where you really start to wonder if God has forgotten that the clock is ticking and you’re not getting any younger.

What are some of the five common concerns you may face in Your 40s:

1. Fertility may no longer be an option for you – The idea of having biological children might feel like a dream that’s rapidly slipping through your fingers with every year that passes. You may have heard the term “geriatric pregnancy” since you were in your 30s. Yet now, your doctor doesn’t even bother to tell you to freeze your eggs anymore. Now that you’ve joined the 40s club, she has seemingly assumed they’re already scrambled at this point.
2. Perimenopause is here (or around the corner) – Mood changes. Night sweats. Hot flashes. Disappearing menstrual cycles. You wonder, “What in the world is going on with my body?!” You Google your symptoms and then it dawns on you. You’re entering perimenopause. These hormonal changes can feel like betrayal when you’re still holding on to hope for a baby that you can snuggle with someday.
3. Fear of doing life alone – You watch your siblings, friends, and peers with their husband and children. You imagine what your life will look like if you never get married. After years of waiting, it’s hard not to wonder, “Is this just it for me?” A lonely life followed by a lonely retirement at a nearby nursing home with no one to visit?
4. Feeling too set in your ways – After 20+ years of independence, you’ve grown into your own routines and rhythms. You start to wonder, “Could someone else even fit into my life?” “Would I even want that at this point?” You start to think that maybe a man wouldn’t fit into your life anyway.
5. Difficulty picturing what partnership would look like now – Starting fresh after all of these years of singleness can feel daunting rather than dreamy. You wonder if marriage won’t disrupt your life, your schedule, and your plans rather than add to it.

5 Truths You Need to Hold Onto:

1. Your story isn’t over – Ruth wasn’t in her 20s when she met Boaz. God can bring beauty from unexpected places at unexpected times. If God wants you to get married at 42, 45, 47, or even 49, He will make it happen. Don’t worry about the clock. Remember, God controls time.
2. You still have so much to offer – Contrary to what your thoughts (or the devil) may have you believe, your wisdom, presence, and maturity are gifts, not liabilities. You are not “old” or “over the hill.” You still bring something to the table that you may not have had in your 20s or 30s.
3. Love doesn’t expire – True companionship doesn’t depend on age. It depends on alignment, readiness, and God’s timing. A man who disregards you because you’re in your 40s isn’t the man God has for you. A man who makes you feel less than for being in your 40s isn’t the man God has for you. Your man will appreciate you not matter how old you are when the two of you meet.
4. You’re not too independent for love – The right man will respect your life and enrich it — not diminish it. And if you’re not too sure about that, bring it to God. Tell God about your concerns and ask Him to not only make your heart tender and receptive to change, but to also bring you a man who will complement you (and vice versa).
5. Your heart is still tender and worthy – Proverbs 13:12 says hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I once heard Dr. Tony Evans say that unless you pray and God tells you know, keep praying. Sis, no matter what, keep praying and keep hoping.

Encouragement for You:

You’re not stuck — you’re strong. You’re not forgotten — you’re favored. This waiting isn’t empty; it’s sacred. Your 40s can be full of new beginnings, joy, and divine surprises. Keep your heart open, not just to love, but to the love of God which carries you through every delay.

Book Recommendation: The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman
Send this to a woman in her 40s who needs to hear this: you are still blooming.