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I never had a boyfriend in high school…or college, for that matter. Now looking back, this was partially because I wasn’t allowed one (at least in high school), was shy and awkward, and got my heart broken one time, and basically closed up shop.
I couldn’t see it back then. But looking at my younger self now, I can see that I was closed off, sarcastic, and gave off major “stay away from me” energy. Still, I didn’t assume that these were the reasons I never dated anybody.
Instead, for a while I worried I was an ugly duckling, thought nobody would ever like me, compared myself to others, picked apart my looks, and prayed that I would just look and be different.
You’re not alone
In case you were wondering, this post isn’t written by someone who’s had it all figured out. I’ve grown a lot from that awkward girl with “foot in her mouth” syndrome. Yet, some days, I don’t feel beautiful.
Sometimes, I look in the mirror and cringe. I get frustrated when my clothes don’t fit right, I’ve gained a little weight, or my hair isn’t doing what I want. I compare myself to others, tell myself not to do it, compare myself again, and am reminded of all of the ways I don’t or won’t measure up.
When you don’t feel beautiful, you don’t feel confident or good enough. You see your friend going on lots of dates or matching with guys on the apps, and you assume you know why it’s not happening for you.
If you believe the lie that you’re not beautiful, you start to feel like you’re auditioning for a role you’ll never be qualified for.
I start asking, What if he wants someone:
- Thicker?
- Prettier?
- Someone with more curves? less curves?
- Someone without acne, oily skin, large pores, or a big forehead?
I’ve asked all the questions. And eventually, I realized they all come back to the same fear:
What if I’m not good enough?
But in the middle of that fear, I’ve also heard a whisper.
Not from my family. Not from the world. Not from social media or society.
This message is straight from God and what you need to remind yourself every time you’re tempted to feel not beautiful.
- God made you. He knows every hair on your head. He saw you before anyone else did and He still chose you.
- Psalm 139:13-14 says, “You knit me together in my mother’s womb… I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
- Genesis 1:27 says, “God created mankind in His own image.”
- Song of Solomon 4:7 says, “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”
Read those verses aloud to yourself. Ask yourself, how can you doubt your beauty and worth when the Creator of the universe made you on purpose and calls you beautiful?
The Real Cost of Self-Loathing
You want to know one thing I’ve learned (and am still learning)? When you let insecurity lead, it spills into everything: how you walk, talk, love, and date.
- You tolerate way less than you deserve.
- You shrink in rooms God created you to stand tall in.
- You accept crumbs because you’re a) convinced you don’t deserve the feast or b) have been starved for so long that the crumbs feel like real food!
Here’s the truth I’m learning (not mastered) and want you to hold onto:
Your value is fixed in Christ.
- Not in curves.
- Not in compliments.
- Not in who does or doesn’t choose you.
3 Small Intentional Acts I’m Trying and You Should Too:
- Decluttering Your Social Media.
- Unfollow/mute accounts that make you feel less-than and follow ones that speak life. Your feed shouldn’t fuel your self-loathing.
- Dressing for You…not for Men/Dates.
- Stop saving outfits for “someday” and start wearing things that make you feel good today (even if it’s just to the grocery store).
- Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love.
- Drinking more water. Moisturize. Buy fresh flowers for no reason. Light a candle while reading your Bible or writing in your journal. Talk to yourself kindly. One day at a time.
Sis, I don’t have it all together. But I’m learning that if I’m made in the image of God, then calling myself ugly or any other negative qualities is not humility, it’s an insult to the Artist: God Himself.
So let’s grow through this together.
Book Recommendation: Enough Already: Winning Your Ugly Struggle with Beauty by Barbara L. Roose.
Send this to a friend who feels like she’s not enough. Let her know she’s already more than enough in Jesus.
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