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I’m going to be completely honest with you. In my 20s, while I was predominantly focused on school (with the occasional crush here and there), I maintained all of the habits of a regular Christian.
- I went to church
- I prayed
- I read my Bible
- I gave/volunteered of my time, money, and resources
From the outside, looking in, I was doing everything “right.” But in reality, my relationship with God was nowhere near as close as it could’ve been.
By the time I started dating more seriously, I found myself consumed by the process of vetting the guys I was dealing with, trying to exercise wisdom and discernment, while also juggling my relationship with God. If I’m being completely honest, sometimes, my relationship with God took a backseat to my relationship with guys.
But then a funny thing happened. Month after month and year after year, I prayed for a partner with nothing to show for it. This forced me to ask God, “If I’m asking for the wrong thing, what is the right thing to ask for?” Or in other words, “What should I be focusing on instead?” Once I asked that question, I got my answer.
What You Learn When The Wait Doesn’t End
If it weren’t for my prolonged singleness, my relationship with God would not be even a quarter of what it currently is! Being single and having to rely on God rather than a partner to meet my needs, has forced me to actually do the work.
- Sit at his feet
- Carve out quiet time with Him
- Meditate on His word (don’t just read to check it off my list)
- Talk to Him regularly (the same way I would talk to my sis or BFF)
- Pour out my heart to Him
- STOP pretending to have it all together
- STOP putting on a brave face, and
- STOP carrying the burdens by myself
Too many of us are in such a hurry to find “the One” and get married that we enter into marriage without having done the spiritual work to strengthen our relationship with God, get in alignment with His plans, and fortify ourselves for the battles (spiritual and otherwise) we will inevitably face. This is a big mistake…HUGE! I don’t want that to happen to you.
Too many of us are in such a hurry to find “the One” and get married that we enter into marriage without having done the spiritual work to strengthen our relationship with God, get in alignment with His plans, and fortify ourselves… Share on XMarriage is beautiful and marriage is weighty. It involves not just kisses and rainbows but spiritual warfare and attacks against your family on all fronts. If you are not spiritually preparing now, when the honeymoon period ends, your marriage is going to eventually feel like a crucible.
So let’s get into the real work. The quiet, soul-level kind.
Being single and having to rely on God rather than a partner to meet my needs, has forced me to actually do the work. Sit at his feet, carve out quiet time with Him, meditate on His word, talk to Him regularly, pour out my heart to… Share on XWhile preparing mentally and physically is important, spiritual preparation is the foundation. The glue. The anchor.
Too many of us are in such a hurry to find “the One” and get married that we enter into marriage without having done the spiritual work to strengthen our relationship with God, get in alignment with His plans, and fortify ourselves… Share on XAnd I know you’ve heard it all before:
- “Just focus on God and He’ll send your husband.”
- “You won’t get your Boaz until you’re spiritually ready.”
- “Maybe you just need to grow in your faith more.”
Let’s pause.
First, I want to make this crystal clear. God is not dangling a man like a reward for good behavior. You’re not earning your way into marriage through spiritual performance. But your relationship with God will shape every single relationship that follows — especially marriage.
So this isn’t about perfection. It’s about positioning your heart toward God so that when the time comes, you won’t just be ready to receive your husband, you’ll already be deeply rooted in the One who completes you.
God is not dangling a man like a reward for good behavior. You’re not earning your way into marriage through spiritual performance. But your relationship with God will shape every single relationship that follows — especially… Share on XWhy Spiritual Preparation Matters
You are not just a body or a brain. You are a tripartite being made of a body, soul, and spirit. Marriage is not just a physical or emotional union — it’s also spiritual.
- If you don’t know how to hear God now, how will you know when He’s speaking about your spouse?
- If you don’t know how to submit to God, how will you practice mutual submission in marriage?
- If your identity isn’t rooted in Christ, you’ll be tempted to make your husband your everything —and that’s a burden no human was made to carry or is equipped to carry.
So let’s dig into the daily, practical ways you can spiritually prepare while waiting in a way that helps you thrive, grow, and connect with God deeply — regardless of your relationship status.
7 Ways You Can Spiritually Prepare for Marriage While Living Fully Now
1. Deepen Your Prayer Life
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him…” — Psalm 145:18
Prayer (or communicating with God) is more than a wish list. It is a relationship. It’s how you practice emotional intimacy with God, and it is practice for the continual emotional intimacy/communication you’ll need to engage in with your spouse.
✅ How to Do This:
- Set aside dedicated time daily — even if it’s just 10 minutes.
- Use a prayer journal to track what you’re praying for and note what God reveals to you/answers.
- Talk to God. No…like really. Just talk to Him. You don’t have to bow your head or close your eyes. You can literally just start talking (about any or everything!) and He will listen.
- Include your future husband in prayer — not obsessively, but strategically:
- “God, prepare him for what he’s praying for.”
- “God, protect his mind and guide his steps.”
- “And prepare us to be a blessing and not a burden to one another.”
Keep a list of specific things you’re praying for in a spouse — not just “tall, dark, and godly,” but “emotionally safe,” “loves Jesus more than me,” “quick to repent,” can say “I’m sorry,” “wants to look out for me and our kid(s),” etc.
2. Spend Daily Time in the Word
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” — Psalm 119:105
God’s Word gives you the clarity and discernment you’ll need in dating, relationships, and marriage. You can’t follow God’s plan if you don’t know His voice — and His Word is where it starts.
And sis, please don’t just watch the latest Christian YouTube video or tune into the latest IG live with prophetess So-and-So!!! Learn to go directly to the main source: the Bible, the word of God. Only then can you vet what you hear and know whether it is of God…or someone else.
How to Do This:
- Start with a Bible-in-a-Year plan or a 30-day devotional (YouVersion has great ones for single women).
- Choose a book like Proverbs, James, or Ruth to study slowly.
- Try verse mapping or SOAP notes (i.e., Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer) to engage deeper.
Here’s an example of what a SOAP note looks like to help you get started:
Scripture Reference: Proverbs 31:11
Observation: Her husband trusts her fully.
Application: God, help me become a trustworthy woman in word and action.
Prayer: Father, build character in me so I’ll be a safe place for the man you’re preparing.
3. Grow in Spiritual Discernment
“My sheep hear My voice…” — John 10:27
I have seen so many women fall for a man who is incredibly charismatic and even attractive. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I too have been duped by a man who could quote scripture, challenge me on my interpretation of God’s word, attend Bible study, and the men’s small group at his church. He still turned out to be a cheating dud. Womp womp womp 🫠
Trust me, you do not want to mistake charisma for character. Just because a man “talks the talk,” wears a 3-piece suit to church, or says “God told me you’re my wife” doesn’t mean he is.
Discernment will help you:
- Know when to say yes, and when to run.
- Sense the peace (or check) of the Holy Spirit.
- Spot spiritual maturity vs. emotional manipulation.
- Distinguish between the real thing and the decoy/counterfeit.
How to cultivate and exercise discernment:
- Ask God for discernment daily (James 1:5).
- Examine everything you feel or hear in prayer — does it align with Scripture or with your feelings?
- Spend time around wise, godly couples and mentors who can model healthy relationships.
- Remember, as John Delony says, “Behavior is a language.” Ignore his fancy words. What do his actions say about him as a person and as a “Christian” or a “man of God?”
Remember: God is not a God of confusion. If it feels chaotic, manipulative, confusing, inconsistent, or rushed — it most likely is not from Him.
4. Obey Promptly, Even When It’s Hard
“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” — John 14:15
Obedience isn’t just about morality — it’s about maturity. I recently had to let someone go from my life. God clearly told me my time with this guy was up. But our friendship was comfortable. I didn’t want to let him go. But when I prayed to God about it He told me clearly, “I already told you what you need to do. You just don’t want to do it.”
Welp! I had to make a decision. Was I going to choose obedience or comfort? Which would you choose?
Remember, every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ you say today helps to forge and build, and cultivate your character tomorrow. And guess what? Marriage will require lots of both.
How to Do This:
- Start small: Tithe. Forgive. End the relationship (or situationship) that you know God said to let go.
- Practice asking the following: “God, where am I resisting You?”
- Practice obedience before you’re in a relationship, so it’s easier to follow God’s lead during the relationship.
Tough Love: If God can’t trust you to leave that situationship now, how will you hear Him clearly when you’re deciding who to marry???
Obedience isn’t just about morality — it’s about maturity. Every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ you say today helps to forge and build, and cultivate your character tomorrow. And guess what? Marriage will require lots of both. Share on X5. Fast Regularly for Clarity and Humility
“When you fast…” — Matthew 6:16 (not if, but when)
I’m not going to lie. This is one that I struggle with because I’m a foodie who loves, loves food! I felt God call me to fast a few months back…but I didn’t do it (don’t judge me! I planned to…eventually). Yet thankfully, as I’m writing this post, I am in the middle of a fast.
Does it feel good? No. My body is crying out for food as we speak! And I still have several hours to go… 😢 But, here’s the kicker: fasting is not negotiable. Going back to the verse shared above, fasting should be a regular part of your Christian walk.
Fasting helps you crucify your flesh and tune into the Spirit. It’s a way of saying, “God, You are my source — not food, not attention, not material things, and not a relationship.”
How to Do This:
- Start with one meal a week, or fast from social media for 3 days.
- Replace that time with prayer, worship, or journaling.
- Fast with a specific focus: healing, wisdom, to hear the voice of God, to get an answer, deliverance from idolatry, etc.
Example prayer: “God, strip away anything that’s keeping me from seeing You clearly — including any idolatry that may be taking Your place.”
6. Let God Be Your First Love
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.” — Matthew 22:37
If you’re not grounded in God’s love, you’ll constantly chase the counterfeit. No man — no matter how amazing, smart, attractive, emotionally intelligent, or rich — can fill the void only God was meant to occupy.
How to Do This:
- Meditate on Scriptures about God’s love (Romans 8, 1 John 4, Ephesians 3).
- Write a love letter to God—and one to yourself from Him.
- Get quiet and ask: “God, how do You see me today?”
Worship isn’t just music — it’s about making your whole life a love offering and sacrifice to God.
If you’re not grounded in God’s love, you’ll constantly chase the counterfeit. No man — no matter how amazing, smart, attractive, emotionally intelligent, or rich — can fill the void only God was meant to occupy. Share on X7. Stay Planted in Community
“Those who are planted in the house of the Lord will flourish…” — Psalm 92:13
Isolation breeds confusion. Community brings clarity and accountability.
How to Do This:
- Join a Bible study, women’s small group, or discipleship circle.
- Ask someone mature in the faith to mentor you or check in weekly, biweekly, or monthly.
- Attend events or conferences for single Christian women (in-person or virtual).
Don’t just surround yourself with other women waiting for a man — surround yourself with women who are waiting well.
If you’re not grounded in God’s love, you’ll constantly chase the counterfeit. No man — no matter how amazing, smart, attractive, emotionally intelligent, or rich — can fill the void only God was meant to occupy. Share on XWhat the Proverbs 31 Woman Teaches Us Spiritually
- She fears the Lord. (v.30) → Her reverence is foundational, not performative.
- She speaks with wisdom. (v.26) → She spends time with the Word before speaking to the world.
- She rises early. (v.15) → She starts her day seeking God and serving others.
- She’s clothed with strength and dignity. (v.25) → That’s the fruit of a spiritual life, not a self-help book.
The Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t perfect. But she was prepared — not by checking boxes, but by walking closely with God.
When Someone Says “You’re Too Spiritual — Just Date Around!”
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if you feel led to respond, try:
“I’m not looking for ‘just anyone.’ I’m looking for what’s aligned with God’s heart for me. That starts with knowing Him first.”
Or:
“If I want a godly marriage, I can’t use worldly shortcuts to get there.”
Sis, don’t get it twisted. Your spiritual life is not a side dish — it’s the main course. And your future husband is not your source — God is.
Sis, don’t get it twisted. Your spiritual life is not a side dish — it’s the main course. And your future husband is not your source — God is. Share on XSo this week, choose one thing from this list and commit to doing it every day.
- Read one chapter of the Bible a day.
- Pray over your desires.
- Fast from food, social media, shopping, dating, etc. for 3 days, to a week, to a month!
- Journal about what God is revealing to you in real time.
Share this with a sister who’s walking this road too. Let her know she’s not waiting alone — and neither are you.
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