If you haven’t already, check out part 1 here. Read on for part 2…
Getting Over Ghosting? Do This Next:
1. Grieve it (even if it was short-lived).
Yes, believe it or not it is okay to be sad about someone you never officially dated. When there’s emotional investment, there’s emotional loss.
Let yourself feel that. Journal. Pray. Ugly cry if you need to. I promise you that God is not afraid of your emotions — He gave them to you! Allow yourself to feel what you feel and sit in it long enough to let it wash away from you.
Remember, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18
Yes, believe it or not it is okay to be sad about someone you never officially dated. When you get emotionally invested, you will still feel emotional loss. Share on X2. Don’t chase closure. Give yourself closure instead.
You might be tempted to send that “Hey, just wondering what happened to you?” text. And while I totally get it, ask yourself: would his explanation actually help me?
Or would it just reopen wounds? Worse yet, what if you text and he never answers you? Will you then feel worse?
When it comes to relationships, don’t chase closure. Give yourself closure instead. Share on XMost of the time, silence is the answer. As painful as that is, don’t beg for clarity from someone who didn’t care enough to offer it freely.
Give yourself closure by reminding yourself that a good man wouldn’t have ghosted you without an explanation. If you have to chase down an answer now, you’ll have to chase down an answer throughout the rest of your relationship.
He ghosted you? Sis, don’t beg for clarity from someone who didn’t care enough to offer it freely. Share on X3. Reflect, don’t ruminate.
Reflection is about asking questions that help you learn and grow. On the other hand, rumination is about thinking about or fixating on something over and over again that ultimately only makes you feel worse. Here’s an example:
- Reflection is: “What can I learn from this experience?”
- Rumination is: “Why wasn’t I good enough?”
Only one of those leads to growth… Make sure you pick the right one!
And remember, use this moment to evaluate your boundaries, expectations, and red flag radar so you can become wiser in your dating journey.
4. Reconnect with yourself.
Pull back the energy you poured into him and reinvest it in you.
- Go on a solo date (or take Jesus with you 🙃).
- Call up your girlfriends and go out for happy hour drinks/appetizers.
- Revisit that hobby you dropped when you started texting him every night.
- Work on that business idea you’ve been sitting on for years.
You’re not waiting for a man to complete you — you are already complete in Christ.
“You are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” —Colossians 2:10.
5. Rebuild your hope.
This is the hard part, isn’t it? When ghosting happens more than once, it can make you start to feel jaded, cynical, and guarded.
Sis, don’t let horrible dating experiences harden your heart or keep you from hoping. Besides, your hope isn’t in a guy who finally chooses you. It’s in the God who already did.
You are not too much. You are not too late. And this isn’t the end of your story.
Sis, don’t let horrible dating experiences harden your heart or keep you from hoping. Besides, your hope isn’t in a guy who finally chooses you. It’s in the God who already did. Share on X6. Get back on the apps like yesterday!
Now I know what you might be thinking. “Is she crazy? Why in the world would I want to put myself through that yet again?!”
So here’s the thing you may not be aware of. Let’s say you have a fear of being ghosted. When someone has a phobia (a fear of something, let’s say a spider), one of the primary methods used to help you get better is called exposure therapy.
In exposure therapy, you gradually get exposed to the thing you fear in increasingly bigger doses until you become habituated (or used) to it.
When you’re first ghosted, you automatically assume that something must be wrong with you; and you may drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what it is and how you can fix it. But if you online date long enough, what you’ll find is that some people really are just…flaky (that or they have a girlfriend who just found their profile and ripped them a new one causing them to quickly leave the app).
By the time you’ve been ghosted 10 times, it won’t even be a blip on your radar. Because if you’ve done steps 1-5 above, and you remind yourself that their ghosting you is not about you, this will allow you to get desensitized to ghosting and bounce back quicker.
Speaking from personal experience, the first few times I got ghosted was rough! But after it happened several times I became desensitized to it. I no longer made it about me and was instead able to look at it from the right perspective.
Ghosting doesn’t have to be the worse thing that could ever happen to you. In some cases, it may end up being the best thing…
Book Recommendation:
“Relational Intelligence” by Dr. Dharius Daniels – This book is gold when it comes to learning how to discern the relationships that are worth your time and heart.
Final Encouragement:
Don’t let a man’s silence drown out God’s voice. Your worth is not up for negotiation, and your heart is too precious to be left on read.
Your worth is not up for negotiation, and your heart is too precious to be left on ‘read.’ Share on XKnow someone who’s been ghosted lately? Text her this post and remind her she deserves better.