I’m Not Okay Right Now—How to Grieve Your Singleness & Be Content

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You’re going about your daily routine when your friend, relative, or coworker asks you, “How are you doing?”

Now while you could dive into what’s been going on with you behind the scenes, you reply with just two words: “I’m fine.”

But here’s the thing: deep down inside, you’re not really fine. You know that. But that doesn’t mean you would ever say it out loud.

• Maybe you fear people don’t really want to know how you’re doing.
• Maybe you don’t want to be a burden to the people around you.
• Maybe you’ve mistakenly absorbed the idea/belief that a “good Christian” always feels fine.

Let me say something you may not hear enough:

It’s okay to not be okay.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had seasons where I’ve been drowning in sadness or discouragement and still smiling in public.

• Going to work.
• Serving at church.
• Showing up for friends.
• Laughing at brunch.
• But then journaling as tears splatter onto my page because it all just hurts.

Sometimes I’d hear messages about “being content” and roll my eyes in frustration. I felt annoyed that I wasn’t in that headspace. I felt like a “bad Christian” because I wasn’t there. I was angry. Bitter. Envious or even jealous. Exhausted. And honestly? More than a little mad at God.

So let’s pause the pressure and tell the truth.

This post is for the woman who’s still in the grief of unmet desires, and who needs a sister to sit next to her — not preach at her. I’m not going to give you fake encouragement. I’m going to give you permission to do something you should have been doing already:

Being content doesn’t mean never having bad days. And you don’t have to feel perfectly okay to be loved by God.

When Singleness Feels Like a Slow Burn of Grief

People don’t always talk about the grief that comes with long-term singleness.

But it’s there.

• The grief of not having someone to share your life with.
• The grief of watching years go by without being “chosen” by anyone.
• The grief of seeing others receive what you’ve prayed, begged, or pleaded God for.
• The grief of an empty womb or a wedding that never came.
• The grief of your body starting perimenopause when you’re still hoping for a child of your own.
• The grief of discovering grey hair in yet another area you didn’t expect.
• The grief of seeing another wrinkle pop up despite your great skin care routine.
• The grief of watching the numbers on the scale go up despite your efforts to stay fit.

This is real, valid grief. And pretending it doesn’t exist won’t help you heal.

For example, let’s imagine you started noticing a burning, itchy sensation on your behind. A look in the mirror quickly reveals that there is a rather large rash growing at an alarming rate.

You call your PCP and rush to their office. But when she asks you what’s been going on, you reply, “Nothing. Everything is fine.”

Wouldn’t that be an incredibly foolish thing to do?! Why? Because you’re in the presence of someone who can actually do something about it (or at least prescribe medication to help with it!).

The same thing goes with God, our Father and the Ultimate Healer. Remember, sis, you can’t heal what you won’t name.

Remember, sis, you can’t heal what you won’t name. Share on X

What Makes It Worse: The Pressure to “Be Content”

Can I be honest? It’s one thing to hurt. But it’s another to feel like your hurt means you’re failing spiritually as a believer.

Have you ever been told (or implied) that your prolonged singleness is because you haven’t “learned to be content”? You figure, “If only I reached this perfect point, God would bless me with everything I want.”

Sis. That’s not biblical. That’s legalistic bondage. Joseph tried to get out of prison early by telling the cupbearer about his plight.

Yet God still allowed him to languish in prison for another two years. TWO YEARS! Joseph’s answered prayers weren’t about his “perfect” performance; it was about God’s divine timing. The same holds for you. Your singleness isn’t about God waiting for you to be “perfectly” content; it’s about God’s divine timing.

Have you ever been told that your prolonged singleness is because you haven’t “learned to be content”? You figure, "If I were content, God would bless me with everything I want." Sis. That’s not biblical. That’s legalistic bondage. Share on X

• You can be hurting and hopeful.
• You can be grieving and growing.
• You can be disappointed and still trusting God with trembling hands.

Let’s stop treating contentment like an arrival point and start seeing it for what it is: a tension we hold as long as we are living on this earth.

Joseph tried to get out of prison early by telling the cupbearer about his plight. Yet God still allowed him to languish in prison for another two years. Joseph's answered prayers weren't about his performance; it was about God's… Share on X

Even Jesus Grieved

Sometimes we forget: Jesus was a man of sorrows. What do I mean by that?

• He wept at Lazarus’ tomb.
• He groaned in anguish at Gethsemane.
• He cried out on the cross, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Sis, feeling grief is not a sin. Sadness is not a failure. And pain is not proof that your faith is broken.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18

If God only wanted to be close to happy, healed, joy-filled people, that verse would not exist. Neither would the stories of several characters we find littered throughout the Bible.

Your singleness isn't about God waiting for you to be "perfectly" content; it's about God's divine timing. Share on X

Let’s Talk About the Ugly Emotions

You know what I’m talking about. That moment when:

• When the guy who strung you along for 6 years married the next girl in 6 months.
• When another woman gets what you prayed for…
• When the guy who ghosted you pops up with a girlfriend…
• When it feels like you’re doing everything “right” but still being passed over, and over…and over…
• When your ex-husband gets his new wife pregnant, and you’re still single and childless.

You might feel things like:

• Envy
• Jealousy
• Rage
• Bitterness
• Despair
• Resentment
• Hurt
• Fear
• Hopelessness

Sis, I’ve felt all of those. More than once and more than I’d ever want to admit.

But here’s what I’m learning: 

These emotions aren’t meant to be buried—they’re meant to be examined and brought to the great Doctor: God Himself.

Remember, your emotions/feelings are messengers, not monsters. They’re revealing where you need healing, change, or growth.

Remember, your emotions/feelings are messengers, not monsters. They’re revealing where you need healing, change, or growth. Share on X

Emotions Are Information, Not Identity

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is tying up our identity with our behavior. We assume that in order to be a good person (or a good Christian) we just shouldn’t feel certain things. Hate to break it to you, but this couldn’t be further from the truth! Remember,

• Feeling bitterness doesn’t make you a bitter person.
• Feeling rage doesn’t make you “too much.”
• Feeling hopeless doesn’t make you faithless.

These feelings are indicators. Like the check engine light on your car, they’re telling you something in your life (whether external or internal) needs attention.

• Maybe a past wound.
• Maybe a lie you’ve believed.
• Maybe a part of you that feels unseen or unloved.

When you feel those emotions rising, you need to ask yourself:

• What is this trying to tell me?
• Where does this pain come from?
• What am I (wrongly) believing in this moment about God or myself?

And then, you need to bring it all to God.
He already sees it. He just wants you to let Him sit with you in it so He can heal it and heal you.

Talk to God Like He’s a Father—Not a Boss

Maybe you grew up being told you can’t question God. That expressing disappointment was “ungrateful.” That sadness was weakness.

But God is not a distant boss or judge looking to throw the book at you — He is your Father. He can handle your hurt. He can hold your rage. He can sit with your shame.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
— 1 Peter 5:7

Sis, if God cares, that means He wants to hear it all. Not just the cleaned-up, sanitized version. The real, raw, unfiltered version.

Journal Prompts for Grieving and Growing:

1. What’s something I’ve been grieving silently that I need to give voice to today?
2. What emotion have I been afraid to express to God? Why?
3. Who (or what) am I jealous of right now—and what is that jealousy pointing to in me?
4. What do I believe God feels about me in my sadness? Is that belief true?
5. What would it look like to let God sit with me in my pain instead of trying to hide it?

Don’t feel the need to answer these all at once. It may take you several hours, days, weeks, or even months.

Take your time. Let the grief breathe. Let God speak into it. Trust that He cares enough to address each and every pain point you bring to His attention.

10 Gentle Practices to Help You Be Present, Not Perfect

1. Name one emotion per day. Get in the habit of identifying how you actually feel—not how you “should” feel and not what you think.
2. Schedule time for grief. Yes, literally. Set aside 10-30 minutes to cry, journal, pray, or just sit in silence.
3. Start “lament prayers.” (Read Psalm 13 for a great example.) Lamenting is about owning your feelings of loss, sadness, or grief. Stop covering it up. It’s okay to express how unjust or unfair the situation feels to you. Trust that just like God handled the prophet Jeremiah’s laments, He can handle yours too.
4. Create a hope jar. Write down glimpses of God’s goodness — answered prayers, small joys, unexpected blessings. When you start to feel down, hopeless, or discouraged, pull out one of the papers and reread it to encourage you to keep hanging onto hope.
5. Speak kindly to yourself. When the ache flares up, whisper: “This is hard, but I am loved.” “This is hard, but I am seen.” “This is hard, but I am chosen.” “This is hard, but I know my God is with me and will make a way.”
6. Limit your intake of hard content. Did you log onto your social media only to be confronted with endless proposals and wedding reels? Use the ‘unfollow’ or ‘mute’ button as if your life depended on it! And if you need to temporarily deactivate your account, don’t hesitate. Your mental health is more important than keeping up with the Kardashians (or anybody else for that matter).
7. Pray one sentence aloud. Keep it simple: “God, I miss him.” “God, I miss being in a relationship.” “God, I miss hugging/kissing a partner.” Remember, sometimes the shortest prayers are the best ones. You don’t need a long speech. All you need is to be honest about what you’re feeling in that moment.
8. Hold a weighted blanket or something grounding. It helps anchor your body when your emotions feel untethered.
9. Write a letter to your younger self. Tell her everything she needs to know about love, waiting, and self-worth.
10. Reach out to a trusted friend. Don’t isolate. Share the ache. Let someone carry it with you.

Real Contentment…

…Is not about feeling Happy-All-the-Time. It’s honest. It’s a quiet surrender. It’s saying:

“God, I’m still hurting. But I’m here. And I trust that You are carrying me and still see me—even in this.”

Real contentment isn’t Happy-All-the-Time. It’s honest. It’s a quiet surrender. It’s saying: “God, I’m still hurting. But I’m here. And I trust that You still see me—even in this.” Share on X

If your heart ached while reading this, please share it with a sister who needs to hear, “You don’t have to be okay to be loved by God.” Let’s build a sisterhood where we grieve together, hope together, and trust God in the messy middle. Leave a comment below if this spoke to you!

Other Articles in This Series

• The Struggle To Be Content: It’s Not As Easy As They Make It Seem”
• “The Struggle To Be Content: It’s Not As Easy As They Make It Seem Pt 2”
• “The Myth of Arrival: Why Contentment Doesn’t Start With a Wedding Ring“
• “I’m Not Okay Right Now—And That’s Okay (Contentment in the Midst of Grief)”
• “What to Do When Everyone Around You Is Getting Married But You’re Not”
• “Walking With God Through the Long Wait: How to Trust When You’re Tired of Trying”