Okay, I have an embarrassing confession to make: I’ve stared at my phone way too long trying to decode a guy’s reply as if it were ancient Latin. For example, there have been times when I have:
- Analyzed punctuation (“He put an exclamation mark! Is he happy surprised or bad surprised?“).
- Assessed emoji usage (“He used ‘😏’ when he could have used ‘😉’. So is he in agreement or not?”).
- Checked and re-checked my own replies (“Ugh! Ever since I responded, he hasn’t answered. Maybe I should have phrased it differently.“).
- Convinced myself that he was definitely interested in pursuing me because we chatted every day. Spoiler alert: he wasn’t. He was, however, interested in wasting my time lol).
If you’ve ever debated texting him just “one more time,” then this post is most definitely for you.
What You Need to Know
Now after reading the next few sections, you will most likely either agree with me wholeheartedly, or exit out of this webpage so fast it would make my head spin. But before you jump to either conclusion, I want to add a disclaimer here.
Some of what I say may sound incredibly reductive or like an overgeneralization or stereotype. However, I caution you to remember that while most stereotypes involve exaggerations of one form or another, that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t a kernel of truth somewhere in there.
Please, please do not use this post in an attempt to a) bash men, b) label men as simpletons, or c) suggest that I hate men. Nothing could be further from the truth! Both men and woman can engage in problematic behavior. And I never want to lump all men into one “bad apple” barrel.
The points that I’m about to share are to help you to stop overcomplicating or overthinking things and holding onto to men who are all but putting out flare lights that they are just #notthatintoyou.
1). Men are (fairly) simple creatures.
Yes, as I mentioned above, this is an over statement; and no, this is not me trying to down/clown/shade men, or imply they’re dumb. Men, good men especially, are GREAT! This point is more so my way of noting that as women, we have a tendency to think men are “just like us.” WRONG. As human beings, yes, men and women have a lot in common. But in other ways, there are many differences between us.
Now, that isn’t to say men aren’t multifaceted. They can be, and many are. But for the average guy (I’m not including chronic womanizers here), men are simple creatures in that they are direct and make it abundantly obvious when they’re interested (unless they’re oblivious, have a social skills-related deficit, shy/timid, avoidant, or narcissistic (that’s a post in and of itself!).
This is in contrast to us women who could probably earn a side living as a CIA agent with all of the espionage, doublespeak, and analyses we run in our interactions with people on a day-to-day basis!
Which brings me to the second truth you need to hold onto the next time you’re confused about a guy and are tempted to text him to seek clarity:
2). If he’s not putting in effort, you don’t need to do any mental gymnastics to get clarity.
A man who is genuinely interested will not leave you guessing. I’d even go so far as to say the average guy can’t leave you guessing as they make it so obvious.
I can tell you every single guy who was genuinely interested in pursuing me because frankly, they would not leave me alone! They were relentless.
If he’s not putting in effort, you don’t need to do any mental gymnastics to get clarity. When a guy is into you, you will know! Share on XAnd I don’t mean this in an “obsessed” or “stalkerish” way. What I mean is they were constantly, consistently, making an effort to chat with me, learn more about me, bump into me, get my number, take me out on a date, and more.
When a guy is into you, you 👏 will 👏 know. 👏
When you meet a guy who is genuinely interested in pursuing you, he won’t leave you wondering if he cares. You’ll just know.
Now maybe you’re wondering in addition to how will you know, how will you know whether this guy is someone worth giving a chance to?
Check out part 2 to learn what you need to keep an eye out for.