You’re Not on Call: Assertiveness Tips for Single Christian Women to Say ‘No’ and Live the Life They Want Now

Have you ever had someone constantly asking you to do things and you thought, “…do they realize I have a life too?!” I have.

Now, to be clear, I don’t think they were doing it on purpose. I just think that sometimes people act as if when you’re single, you have “all the time in the world.” But as I’m sure you know, that’s not always true. That’s why I wanted to share some tips to help you assert yourself and maintain your boundaries.

Here are healthy ways you can be assertive with your loved ones and friends today.

5 Strategies to Be More Assertive

1). Practice short, direct responses.

Do not over-explain or justify yourself. A simple, “I’m not available for that right now,” is enough. Remember, “No” is a full sentence. Children explain to their parents because they’re under their parents’ authority. Adults don’t have to do that.

2). Anticipate repeat offenders.

You know what I’m talking about. Those family members who, the minute their name comes up on your caller ID, you just KNOW are about to get asked for some “small favor.” Prepare your response in advance or create a delay (such as “I’m going to have to check my calendar and get back to you.” Boundaries are harder to set in the moment if you’re caught off guard.

3). Use “I” statements.

Instead of “You always ask me to do things last minute!” try: “I feel overwhelmed when I’m asked to drop things without advance notice. It disrupts my schedule and makes me more likely to forget something. In the future, I would appreciate it if you gave me a heads-up. That way I can help you while also getting to my stuff.”

4). Honor your ‘no’ just as much as you honor your ‘yes.’

Your time is just as valuable as theirs. And just because you’re single does not mean that your money isn’t budgeted for “important” things. Saying ‘no’ isn’t bad if it means you are stewarding your time and money well.

5). Remind yourself: boundaries don’t mean disconnection.

Boundaries are not about controlling other people’s behavior. It’s about you letting people know when or how they can or cannot have access to you. When you set healthy boundaries, you actually preserve your peace and your relationships.

6). Repeat after me: “Saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean I am rude or selfish.“

You cannot be everything to everyone, all the time. I repeat: You cannot be everything, to everyone, all the time. That doesn’t make you mean, rude, or self-centered. All it means is you recognize that you are not God. Recognize your limitations.

When you can help someone (with your time, energy, or money), do it freely and happily! Singleness can allow you more opportunities to serve others, so take advantage of it. When you say ‘yes,’ go for it! Help, minister, serve, give. But when you say ‘no,’ don’t judge or beat yourself up over it.

Don’t over-explain or justify. Remember, "No" is a full sentence. Children explain to parents. Adults don't explain to other adults. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

Boundaries You Can Set to Have Peace:

Going back to what I said earlier, you need to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This is the only way to ensure that your singleness season will not become one big chorefest (or snorefest lol). Here are a few boundaries I want you to start putting into practice:

1. Time Boundaries:

Time boundaries make it clear that your free time is not controlled by somebody else. Just because it’s your day off doesn’t mean they get to co-opt you for their own needs.

To set a time boundary, say something like this: “I’m only available to help you between 2–4 p.m. Saturday. If that doesn’t work, we may have to reschedule for another day and time.”

You cannot be everything to everyone, all the time. That doesn't make you mean, rude, or self-centered. All it means is you recognize that you are not God. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

2. Topic Boundaries:

Topic boundaries are about avoiding those topics that tend to be landmines. You know, topics like politics, religion, …or why you’re still single.

To set a topic boundary, practice saying something like this: “Hey, I’d prefer not to talk about X. I’d much rather catch up on what we’re both excited about right now.”

3. Money Boundaries:

Money boundaries are especially important because they allow you to decide what happens with your money.

You can set a money boundary by saying this: “I’m currently sticking to a tight budget so I can’t contribute financially to that right now.”

Scripts to Help You Set Boundaries and Say “No” with Grace

• “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to pass this time.”
• “I’d love to help, but I’m actually not available then.”
• “I can’t do that, but I hope everything works out for you!”
• “That doesn’t work for me right now, but thanks for checking in.”
• “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, so I’m going to have to say no.”
• “I’d prefer not to talk about that. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to instead?”
• “That’s not in my budget right now, but if that changes in the future, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Sis, let me say this clearly: Your time, energy, and money/resources are not public property. Being single doesn’t mean you exist to fill in the gaps for everyone else’s life.

Your life is whole. Your presence is a gift, not a given.

Your time, energy, and money or resources are not public property. Being single doesn’t mean you exist to fill in the gaps for everyone else’s life. Share on X

I want you to practice living like you believe that. Be bold, be clear, and be kind. You can be Christlike and still occasionally say “no.” You can be generous without being drained.

Check out my last post where I talked about feeling like the person everybody turns to when they need something.

Does this post hit home? Share it with a sister who often struggles to speak up for herself.