Online dating. A place where you can meet the love of your life — or more likely, someone who within 5 minutes will make you regret re-downloading Hinge to your phone in the first place! 😔
If you’re looking for someone to tell you that online dating is easy, then I sadly have to disappoint you. It’s not. Having access to so many options means that people will treat you and their other potential matches like the candy in the middle aisle of Party City. You know what I’m talking about. That large section filled with empty bags that you can fill with super cheap candy…you don’t even pay attention. You just throw them in the bag and assume you’ll like some of them.
I know it’s hard out here. But being on a dating app shouldn’t have to feel like torture. With the right mindset, clear boundaries, and the power of the Holy Spirit, you can navigate online dating without losing yourself (or your sanity).
First Things First: Dating Apps Are a Tool, Not a Savior
Repeat after me: Hinge is not Jesus. Bumble is not my breakthrough. Coffee Meets Bagel is not my Holy Spirit. Plenty of Fish may be filled with plenty of duds. Tinder is…well, probably not for us.
Dating apps are just one, yes ONE, way God might use to introduce you to someone. Or, He might not. But either way, it is your job to approach dating apps with discernment…not desperation. If you’re on the app because you’re starting to think it’s your “last stop” before you reach OldMaidVille, you probably shouldn’t get on the app just yet. Take some time to learn and remind yourself of 1) who you are (as an individual and not as a girlfriend/wife), 2) whose you are (a child of the King), and 3) what/who determines your worth and value (God alone).
Practical Tips for Swiping Smart:
1. Know your non-negotiables — and keep them.
If you want a man who’s actively walking with the Lord, then don’t entertain that guy who isn’t actively walking with the Lord. You can’t date him into the kingdom so don’t even try. Pay attention to His fruit and then move accordingly. What might fake fruits look like?
- “I don’t really go to church but I believe in God.”
- “I read the Bible when I need a word from God.”
- “I mean, I consider myself more spiritual than religious.”
- “What’s wrong with going to the club? You can share Jesus there.”
- I don’t identify as a Christian but I believe he exists.”
2. Don’t put all your hope in a profile.
Sis, don’t be fooled. A guy can literally put anything on his profile. ANYTHING! Profiles are curated. They’re written to try to lure in women with a picture-perfect idea of who this guy is. They don’t include all of his pesky or disgusting habits. They’re like Instagram — usually only the highlight reel. Remember, talk is cheap. Time, consistency, and character reveal the real story.
3. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Then, STOP!
Now, I know some people may read this as “You’re saying women should chase men! 😱” Not exactly. All I’m saying is when you’re on the app don’t be afraid to comment/like his profile. Then take a step back and see what he does. If you’re constantly the one having to put in all the work after that, RED FLAG! 🚩 You will have to do that throughout the relationship. Run now! But if he picks up from there and keeps it going, give him a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised. Besides, Proverbs 31 says she brings her food from afar. If sis can import groceries, you can send a “Hey, I liked The Equalizer too” message. It’s not about chasing—it’s about being open.
4. Have an exit plan for red flags.
Red flags are called red flags for a reason. If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you, ask clarifying questions and go from there. Once you’ve gotten clarity, don’t make excuses. Not everybody is meant for you to date; some are solely meant for you to minister to.
- He hints at purity but jokes you should come over and “Netflix and chill?” Unmatch.
- He badmouths his ex and talks about how all of his exes were crazy? Swipe left.
- He says he loves Jesus but hasn’t touched his Bible or been to church in years? Pass.
- He tells you to sext him to prove you love him? Walk away.
Remember, you’re allowed to walk away at any point. You don’t owe anyone endless chances.
5. Keep your identity anchored.
One of the biggest mistakes you make as a woman is tying your worth and value to externals. This is what happens when you assume that the way people treat you is an indicator of your worth or value. Remember, contrary to what your brain would have you believe, your worth and value are inherent and stable; they don’t change. Your value doesn’t increase when you match with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, and it doesn’t decrease when that same guy ghosts you three months later. Your worth was nailed to a cross — it’s not tied to some lame guy’s treatment of you.
“Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” —Psalm 34:5
Encouragement:
Swiping smart is about going into dating with a firm head on your shoulders, a knowledge of who and whose you are (and what you bring to the table), and a determination not to overlook, bypass, or minimize red flags, You can try apps without becoming obsessed. And you can believe God has good plans for you, even when the matches are dry.
Book Recommendation: How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud — This one’s practical and spiritual and does a good job of providing a guideline on how you can get a phenomenal date. I highly recommend.
📣 Send this to your Christian bestie swiping in the wild streets of Hinge. Let’s date smart together.
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