Online dating. My girlfriends suggested I give it a try. I figured “Why not! What’s the worse that could happen?”
When I first joined a dating app in 2023, I was told that the apps would enable me to meet more people, thus increasing the likelihood that I could meet “the One” or the love of my life.
I joined a few apps including Hinge (which my friends noted they had the most success with) and Upward (an app that was mostly geared towards Christian singles). After creating my profile and leaving it up for a few hours, I watched the number of eligible men interacting with my profile skyrocket.
After years of feeling like I was in a relationship propsects drought, I was enjoying getting connected with so many guys. Men of all backgrounds, cultures, religions, and experiences. For once, The Weather Girls were right: It was finally raining men y’all!!!
My phone buzzed with notification after notification. This guy liked your profile, this guy left a comment, this guy gave you a rose, and on and on it went! After seeing all of my options, I got my hopes up. I started to believe that maybe God could and would use this avenue to help me connect with my spouse.
Instead, what I actually encountered were men who often made me regret downloading the apps to my phone in the first place!
Online Dating in the 21st Century
If you’re looking for someone to tell you that online dating is always easy, then I’m going to have to disappoint you. It’s not.
I have downloaded, uninstalled, re-downloaded, paused my profile, and rinsed and repeated on a couple of dating apps with the hope that maybe, just maybe, this time I’d connect with a great quality guy and things would just work out. I’ve been overall disappointed all but one time (geographical distance killed it before it started, y’all!).
If you’re on the apps, the only thing I can guarantee you is that there will be highs and lows. At times you’ll feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster with no seat belt to keep you strapped in your seat.
In addition, having access to so many options on the apps means that people will treat you and their other potential matches like the candy in the middle aisle of Party City.
You know what I’m talking about. That large section filled with empty bags that you can fill with super cheap candy…you don’t even pay attention. You just throw them in the bag and assume you’ll like some of them. That is literally how I felt people treated me (and if I’m being completely honest, I definitely may have treated a guy or two like this 🙈 #dontshootme)
The Correct Way to Online Date?
I know it’s hard out here. But I don’t want being on a dating app to feel like medieval torture for you. With the right mindset, clear boundaries, and the power of the Holy Spirit, you can navigate online dating without losing yourself (or your sanity).
In addition, having access to so many options means that people will treat you and their other potential matches like the candy in the middle aisle of Party City. You just throw them in the bag and assume you’ll like some of them. Share on XSo what is the correct way to date?
First things first, please read the next few sections as a guideline, not a rubric you have to follow like a college syllabus in order to get a passing grade.
This advice is meant to help you rethink the way you normally date, identify any negative or unhelpful thoughts keeping you stuck, and increase the likelihood that your online dating will bring forth fruit (preferably, not rotting fruit). Reflect and pray on each piece of advice and move in accordance with the Holy Spirit’s leading and your own convictions/conscience.
Dating Apps Are a Tool, Not a Savior
Repeat after me:
- Hinge is not Jesus.
- Bumble is not my breakthrough.
- Coffee Meets Bagel is not my Holy Spirit.
- Plenty of Fish (PoF) may be filled with Plenty of Duds (PoD).
- Match.com may match you with a man who is red flag central.
- Tinder is…well, probably not for us single, Christian ladies on the abstinence journey. 🙃
Dating apps are just one, yes ONE way God might use to introduce you to someone. Or, He might not. But either way, it is your job to approach dating apps with discernment…not desperation.
With the right mindset, clear boundaries, and the power of the Holy Spirit, you can navigate online dating without losing yourself (or your sanity). Read more… Share on XIf you’re on the app because you’re starting to think it’s your “last stop” before you reach OldMaidVille, you probably shouldn’t get on the app just yet. Take some time to learn and remind yourself of:
- Who you are (as an individual and not as a girlfriend/wife)
- Whose you are (a child of the King), and
- What/who determines your worth and value (God alone).
So how do you swipe smart? Read part 2 for a few simple tricks you can add to your online dating arsenal.