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If you haven’t already, check out part 1 here.
Here are some practical tips for swiping smart.
Remember what I told you in the last article: these are guidelines, not hard rules you have to follow in order to be successful at online dating.
One thing that I’ve noticed as a single woman is everybody and their mama has a list of formulas you have to follow in order to get married.
- Stop looking (then he’ll show up).
- Keep looking (how’s he going to find you if you don’t put yourself out there).
- Go to church (you’re more likely to find a godly man there).
- Don’t only look in church (some of the worst ones are in church or church leadership).
- Lower your standards (you’re being too picky).
- Raise your standards (you don’t want just anyone!).
Now I love a good formula/recipe (especially when it gets me the answer I want). Over the past few years I have tried out every single one of these formulas. I’m still single.
Life has taught me that there is no ONE formula. God’s timing is God’s timing and no amount of hocus pocus or abracadabras is going to speed that up if God knows the timing isn’t right.
Thus, my goal isn’t to tell you what you must do to get a man. My goal is to help make this online dating process as (relatively) pain free as possible for you and increase the odds in your favor.
1. Know your non-negotiables — and keep them.
If you want a man who’s actively walking with the Lord, then don’t entertain that guy who isn’t actively walking with the Lord.
You can’t date him into the kingdom so don’t even try. Pay attention to his fruit and then move accordingly. What might fake fruits look like?
- “I don’t go to church but I believe in God & the Bible.”
- “I read the Bible if I need a word from God.”
- “I mean, I consider myself more spiritual/new age than religious.”
- “What’s wrong with going to the strip club? You can share Jesus with the people there too!”
- “I don’t identify as a Christian, but I believe God or a higher power exists.”
Sir…just stop. 🛑
2. Don’t put all your hope in a profile.
Don’t be fooled by the 3-piece suit, the Bible verses, or the guy who says he serves in ministry. A guy can literally put anything on his profile to make him look good. ANYTHING! And even if those things are true, it doesn’t mean he’s a believer!
Profiles are curated. They’re written to try to lure you in with a picture-perfect idea of who this guy is. They don’t include all of his pesky or disgusting habits (like wearing the same pair of underwear for a week 🤢).
Online dating profiles are a lot like Instagram — a virtual highlight reel showcasing a guy’s best qualities/traits.
Remember, talk is cheap. Time, consistency, and character reveal the real story about his character…or lack thereof.
3. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Then, STOP!
Now, I know some people may read this as, “You’re saying women should chase men!” Before you clutch your pearls, let me explain.
All I’m saying is when you’re on the app don’t be afraid to comment/like his profile (as long as that doesn’t go against your conscience). Then take a step back and see what he does.
If you’re constantly the one having to put in all the work after that, RED FLAG! 🚩 You will have to do that throughout the relationship and it will drain you. Run now! 🏃♂️
However, if he picks up from there and keeps it going, give him a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Besides, Proverbs 31 says she brings her food from afar. If the Proverbs 31 woman can hustle for her interests, you can definitely send a “Hey, I liked The Equalizer too!” message. It’s not about chasing — it’s about being open and willing to show interest.
4. Have an exit plan for red flags.
Red flags are called red flags for a reason. If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you, ask clarifying questions and go from there.
Once you’ve gotten clarity, don’t make excuses. I can’t say this enough!
As my hairstylist always told me, not everybody is meant for you to date; some are solely meant for you to minister to.
- He hints at purity but jokes you should just come over and “Netflix and chill?” Unmatch.
- He badmouths his ex and talks about how all of his exes were crazy? Swipe left.
- He says he loves Jesus but hasn’t touched his Bible or been to church in years? Pass.
- He tells you to sext him to prove you love him? Girl walk, no, RUN away!
Remember, you’re allowed to leave at any point. You don’t owe him unlimited chances.
Not everybody is meant for you to date; some are solely meant for you to minister to. Share on X5. Keep your identity anchored.
One of the biggest mistakes you make as a woman is tying your worth and value to externals. This is what happens when you assume that the way people treat you is an indicator of your worth or value.
Remember, contrary to what your brain would have you believe, your worth and value are inherent and stable; they don’t change.
Your value doesn’t increase when you match with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, and your value doesn’t decrease when that same guy ghosts you three months later. Ask me how I know…
Your worth was nailed to a cross — it’s not tied to some flaky guy’s treatment of you.
“Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” —Psalm 34:5
Your value doesn’t increase when you match with a tall, dark, and handsome Christian guy, and it doesn’t decrease when that same guy ghosts you three months later. Your worth was nailed to a cross — it’s not tied to some lame guy’s… Share on XEncouragement:
Swiping smart is about going into dating with a firm head on your shoulders, a knowledge of who and whose you are (and what you bring to the table), and a determination not to overlook, bypass, or minimize red flags.
You can try apps without becoming obsessed. And you can believe God has good plans for you, even when the matches are dry as dirt.
Book Recommendation: How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud — This one’s practical and spiritual and does a good job of providing a guideline on how you can get a phenomenal date. I highly recommend.
Leave a comment below! What advice would you add to this list?
Send this to your Christian bestie swiping in the wild streets of Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, and on. Let’s date smart together.