The Myth of Arrival: How to Dispel the Lie That Romance Will Make You Content

I love a good love story. And unfortunately, one of the first places I saw love stories play out was in Disney movies.

In every situation, the storyline was the same:

• Girl is unhappy.
• Girl meets guy.
• Girl gets with guy.
• Girl becomes happy.
• All wrapped up with the bow of, “And they lived happily ever after.”

Now sure, there were lots of twists and turns in the midst of all of their back and forth; but the general gist was the same.

Romantic love was the pinnacle of life.

But today, I’m here to bust that myth altogether. The one that sends you messages like once you get married:

• You’ll finally be happy. Settled. Content.
• Your heart will stop aching and your life will feel full.
• Loneliness will evaporate.
• You’ll feel worthy, adequate, lovable, acceptable, and good enough.

It’s the lie that culture sold us. And honestly, sometimes, it’s a lie the church unintentionally reinforced by making marriage seem like a “prize” for good behavior.

But here’s the truth I’m learning (even when it hurts): 

Contentment does not start with a wedding ring.

The “Arrival” Myth

We’ve been conditioned to think of life in stages, like a ladder.

• Graduate high school. Climb.
• Graduate college/trade school/the military. Climb.
• Get a job. Climb.
• Get married. Climb.
• Buy a house. Climb.
• Have kids. Climb.
• Retire. Climb.

Contentment doesn’t start with a wedding ring. Share on X

And if you’re not climbing fast enough — or you missed a rung in comparison to your peers — people start asking a series of questions which can all be summed up in one sentence:

“When are you going to catch up?”

We’ve been conditioned to think of life in stages, like a ladder. And if you’re not climbing fast enough people start asking a series of questions which can all be summed up in one sentence: “When will you catch up?” Share on X

Can I just say once and for all that arrival culture is toxic?!

Arrival culture tells us that contentment is a reward you unlock once you’ve “achieved” a milestone. That joy comes later. That peace comes after. That you’re “complete” once you’ve found “the one.”

But let me lovingly remind you that this is not true!

• Your life is not on pause.
• You are not incomplete because you haven’t climbed that rung.
• You do not have to wait on a man or anyone else to feel whole.

Arrival culture tells us that contentment is a reward you unlock once you’ve “achieved” a milestone. That joy and peace come after. That you’re “complete” once you’ve found “the one.” But let me lovingly remind you, this is not… Share on X

What Arrival Culture Misses

Here’s the truth: People who get married while they’re discontent don’t magically become content. If anything, marriage will intensify and magnify what is already there — especially the unresolved inner child wounds, unrealistic expectations, or fears.

I know plenty of married people who:

• Still battle loneliness (yes, even in a house with a spouse and a boat load of kids).
• Struggle with feeling worthy or valuable.
• Still believe they’re unlovable.
• Wrestle with feeling unfulfilled.

Marriage doesn’t fix those things. Marriage can’t fix those things. Jesus does (and of course, therapy helps with that too!).

People who get married while they’re discontent don’t magically become content. If anything, marriage intensifies and magnifies what’s already there — especially the unresolved inner child wounds, unrealistic expectations, or fears. Share on X

So if you’re hoping marriage will magically erase the aches and wounds of your past and turn you into someone who knows her worth and always feels loved and valued, and never struggles with loneliness, you’re going to be disappointed.

Marriage is not the cure anymore than singleness is the poison. If you want to get to the bottom of those wounds, fears or trauma, you have to start by taking things back to the only place it belongs: the feet of Jesus.

If you’re hoping marriage will magically erase the wounds of your past & turn you into someone who knows her worth, always feels loved, & never struggles with loneliness, you're going to be disappointed. Share on X

What Paul Knew That We Forget

I want you to imagine the Apostle Paul in your mind’s eye. Sitting in prison. Cold. Forgotten. No friends. No family visits. Probably starving and thirsty. And yet, he still manages to write:

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation… whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
— Philippians 4:12 (NIV)

Marriage is not the cure any more than singleness is the poison. Share on X

So I know what you’re thinking: What is the secret to being content??? Are you thinking that it’s:

• Getting married?
• Finally being chosen and deemed lovable, valuable, worthy, and good enough by the guy of your dreams?
• Reaching the next milestone on the “I’ve arrived” ladder?

Nope! Not even close. The secret is found in the following verse where Paul shares this truth:

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” — Phil. 4:13

Paul had found the only true, PURE key to contentment that doesn’t change with circumstances: 

His faith in Jesus Christ.

But What About When It Hurts?

So now here’s the tension.

I believe Paul. I really do. I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But you know what’s also true?

• Sometimes, I still feel hollow and lonely.
• Sometimes I still feel a tinge of bittersweet feelings when I see yet another couple who has seemingly found their person, while I’m still single with no prospects I can see.
• Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out or am behind in comparison to everyone else around me.

Yet here’s what I want you to know: that doesn’t make you weak. It makes you honest and it makes you human.

Yes, we’re called to grow in contentment. But no, you don’t have to pretend you’re always perfectly content to prove you’re faithful.

• You’re allowed to ask for what you want.
• You’re allowed to feel what you feel.
• You’re allowed to be honest about your questions, doubts, discouragements, worries, and fears.

But, and this is the important part: don’t stop there.

Ask God to help you. Ask Him to heal you. Ask Him to help you trust in His plan, His goodness, and His timing, even when the devil wants you to do everything but.

You don’t have to pretend you’re always content to prove you’re faithful. You're allowed to pray, feel, and be honest about your fears. But don't stop there. Ask God to help you, heal you, and help you trust in His plan, His… Share on X

Go to therapy, now! Don’t wait until the “perfect time.” It will never be the perfect time. Now is the time when you don’t have a child crawling all over you or a schedule to coordinate with your husband’s.

You’re Not Being Punished for Wanting More

Sometimes we can subtly absorb this idea that “If I were really, fully content, maybe God would finally bless me with what I want.”

Sis, no!

That’s performance-based Christianity. That’s a diabolical spiritual hustle culture. That’s the voice of religion/legalism, not relationship.

God’s gifts do not come through manipulation or performance.

They come from His heart, not our hustle. God doesn’t wait until we’re perfectly content to bless us — because guess what? We won’t ever be perfectly content!

We are being sanctified. We are in process. And God blesses in process people all the darn time!

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
— Psalm 145:8

We can subtly absorb this idea that “If I were really, fully content, God would finally bless me with what I want.” Sis, no! That’s performance-based Christianity. That’s diabolical spiritual hustle culture. That’s… Share on X

So now you’re probably thinking, “Just how do I get rid of this Myth of Arrival?” Here are a few things you can do to break out of this vicious cycle once and for all.

Journal Prompts: Digging Deeper Into the Myth

1. What do I believe will change about my life once I get married?
2. Where do I find my sense of worth and identity right now?
3. What emotions come up when I think of the idea that contentment starts now, not “then”?
4. Have I been trying to “earn” blessings from God?
5. What truths do I need to speak over myself when I start believing marriage will be my rescue?

Again, don’t rush this part! Take the time to honestly answer each and every one of these questions. It will help you get to the bottom of the ways in which you (wrongly) believe that achieving certain milestones will make you happy.

10 Ways to Lean Into Contentment Right Now

1. Anchor yourself in truth. Create a note in your phone with verses that center your soul. (e.g., Psalm 16:11, Isaiah 26:3, Romans 15:13)
2. Celebrate others out loud. Choose to comment and cheer on others even when it stings—because love isn’t scarce.
3. Practice “daily delights.” Build a routine of noticing small joys—sunlight on your skin, a great meal, a laugh with a friend.
4. Detox from comparison. Take regular breaks from social media or unfollow accounts that fuel discontent.
5. Speak to your inner child. Tell her she is not forgotten. She is safe. She is loved. She is still becoming.
6. Talk back to your thoughts. When you hear “I’ll never be happy until I get married,” say: “That’s not true. My joy is not on hold.”
7. Read testimonies of God’s timing. (Check out Genesis 24 – Rebekah’s story or Ruth 2 – Ruth’s encounter with Boaz.)
8. Create joy in your space. Light candles. Buy flowers. Play worship music. You are allowed to make beauty now.
9. Mentor someone younger. Investing in others will shift your focus outward—and deepen your sense of purpose.
10. Pray for future vision. Not just for a husband—but for calling, purpose, legacy, and impact.

What You Need to Remember

• You are not behind.
• You are not being punished.
• You are not on hold.

So what exactly are you?

• You are becoming.
• You are growing.
• You are valuable right now.

Other articles to check out in this series:

• “The Struggle To Be Content: It’s Not As Easy As They Make It Seem”
• “The Struggle To Be Content: It’s Not As Easy As They Make It Seem Pt 2”
• “I’m Not Okay Right Now—And That’s Okay (Contentment in the Midst of Grief)”
• “What to Do When Everyone Around You Is Getting Married But You’re Not”
• “Walking With God Through the Long Wait: How to Trust When You’re Tired of Trying”

If this post helped shift something in your heart, share it with a sister who’s believed the same lie about “arrival.” Let’s break that myth down together and step into joy right now — not just later.