The Struggle To Be Content: It’s Not As Easy As They Make It Seem

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You know that (slightly) annoying, perfectionistic, Type-A chick who always has to be on time and have everything put together just so? Yep, I hate to admit it, but for a long time I was that girl.

Not surprisingly, I struggled with various issues (for example, neck and shoulder pain) because of my inability to just chill and relax. One day, I figured, “Why not go get a massage?”

Given my work schedule, I decided to choose a place that could fit conveniently in the middle of my workday. After a quick Google search, I chose a small mom-and-pop massage parlor just 5 minutes away from my office.

Upon pulling up in the parking lot, I definitely wasn’t super impressed by the look of the place. But I figured “don’t judge a book by its cover” and headed to the front door.

After being ushered into the therapy room by a small, petite massage therapist, I got undressed, snuggled under the top cover, and lied down for what should have been a relaxing, stress-relieving 50 minutes of bliss.

Cue 50 of the most painful, but hilarious minutes of my entire life!!!

The Turn

This woman, all 110 pounds of her, began to massage my back. But after a few minutes, when the tension in my back seemingly refused her initial efforts to make it immediately go away, she began to lean on, hammer, pound, batter, massage, and try to wrench my back into complete submission.

I would have laughed if I wasn’t busy wincing. As she pummeled by back she told me over and over and over again,

“Relax!

Relax!

RELAX!“

For some reason, she seemed to think that telling me multiple times to “relax” would magically cause all of the tension and knots to disappear into oblivion.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t.

Instead, what happened is I left there with a different kind of back pain and a hilarious funny story to tell.

The Key to Being Content

Isn’t that how it is sometimes with the messages we receive about being content as a single? People tell us over and over again the same messages:

• “Just be happy with what you have. Once you stop looking, it will come.”
• “God hasn’t given you a spouse yet because you haven’t learned to be content.”
• “If only you were content, you’d be married by now!”

And on and on it goes… Like the masseuse, they act as if our feelings (of sadness, discouragement, or doubt) are an annoyance that should have gone away by now. It’s as if I can hear them screaming now…

Be content.

Be content.

Be CONTENT!

But what people who aren’t in the struggle don’t realize is that it’s not always that simple.

• If you haven’t gone on a date in the past 5 years, you don’t get it.
• If you haven’t recently been on Bumble, Hinge, Tinder, Upward, or eHarmony, you don’t get it.
• If you’ve been happily married for 20+ years, you don’t get it.
• If you got married in your 20s, you don’t get it.

Sis, you are not automatically being overly desperate for wanting a spouse. Remember, Adam walked in perfect fellowship with God; yet God still said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God knows that it is not good for you to be alone. Yet He simultaneously wants you to find contentment and fellowship with Him.

As a single woman navigating life in her late 30s, it’s hard out in these dating streets! Finding contentment after years, or even decades, of being single? That can be an incredibly gut-wrenching and painful journey/process to walk.

And in case you were wondering, I’m not writing this as someone who’s figured it all out. I’m writing this as someone in the thick of it.

I’m someone who prays and reads her Bible every day, yet occasionally cries while driving or writing in her journal. I continue to battle between trusting God and doubting Him.

Some days, I lean more toward trust. Other days? Doubt wins.

You are not desperate for wanting a spouse. Adam walked in fellowship with God; but God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God knows it is not good for you to be alone. Yet He simultaneously wants you to find contentment… Share on X

But here’s the good news that is true for me and can be true for you too: I’m learning and I’m growing.

Specifically, I’m trying to grow in the direction of contentment, not because it’s easy, and definitely not because I want to be “rewarded” with what I’ve been asking for.

I’m working on being content because God has shown me there’s peace, purpose, and healing even here in my singleness season.

So what does it really mean to be content? What does it look or feel like? What is not true contentment (because that’s important to define too)?

What Is Contentment, Really?

Dictionary definition:
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to be content is “feeling or showing satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation.”

Biblical definition:
Contentment in the Bible goes a little deeper than that. It’s rooted in trust, surrender, and the belief that God is enough — even when He hasn’t answered your prayers the way you hoped.

• 1 Timothy 6:6 – “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
• Philippians 4:11-13 – “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content… I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Being content doesn’t mean you don’t feel disappointment. It means that in the midst of disappointment, even when life doesn’t go how you planned, you can still appreciate what God has given you and access peace through Christ as you wait for what you’re praying for.

Contentment in the Bible is rooted in trust, surrender, and the belief that God is enough, even when He hasn’t answered our prayers the way we hoped. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

Real-Life Contentment Looks Like…

• Crying in your car but still choosing to rejoice with your friend’s good news of her proposal.
• Going to your friend’s bridal or baby shower and smiling even if a piece of your heart aches.
• Booking a trip because you’re finally realizing that your life doesn’t have to stay on pause until a man enters it.
• Reminding yourself daily that your worth isn’t based on a ring, wedding date, or a cute, fat-cheeked baby.
• Holding space for your grief while simultaneously choosing joy.

Being content doesn’t mean we don’t feel disappointment. It means that even when life doesn’t go how we planned, we can still appreciate what God has given us & access peace through Christ as we wait for what we’re praying for.… Share on X

So to be content means making a choice. It’s about choosing to appreciate what you currently have (all of the blessings that God has bestowed on you), enjoying the season you’re in (and making the most of it spiritually, personally, and professionally), but also making space for the feelings of hurt, discouragement, grief, or doubt as they arise.

How do you do the latter? By being honest with God.

• Stop sugar coating things.
• Stop putting on a brave face.
• Be honest with God.
• Let Him know how you feel.
• Let Him know about your doubts and innermost fears.

Worries about running out of time, not having a child of your own, entering pre-menopause early, settling for a man you’re not remotely attracted to. Whatever it is, tell Him!

To be content means making a choice. It’s about choosing to appreciate what you currently have, enjoying the season you’re in, but also making space for the feelings of hurt, discouragement, grief, or doubt as they arise. How? By… Share on X

Besides, it’s not like you can lie to Him. He knows everything! So you might as well sit down with God for a much-needed therapy session and just unload. Sis, I promise He’s got you.

Which brings me to my next point. Some of you have mastered the art of what I call false contentment. What exactly does that look like? Check out part two here for what you need to know so you can be content the godly way.