5 Signs You’re Pretending to Be Content in Your Singleness (How to Move to True Contentment Instead)

In the previous post, we talked about the struggle to be content. Now we’re going to pivot to describing everything contentment is not.

Could you be displaying false contentment?

Here’s what contentment is not:

• Pretending you’re fine when you’re falling apart.
• Pasting on a smile to hide the pain.
• Overstuffing your schedule so you look “booked” and “busy” rather than “bored” and “bitter.”
• Constantly spiritualizing your struggles so you look and sound strong, even though deep down inside you’re losing hope with each day that passes.
• Numbing yourself with distractions so you don’t have to feel the ache of a prayer that’s gone unanswered for yet another year.

False contentment is about stuffing your feelings down, pretending the pain doesn’t exist, or constantly achieving because the dopamine hit of getting that car, that house, or that raise helps you to avoid dealing with your feelings.

True contentment is not suppression, denial, or performance.

False contentment is about stuffing your feelings down, pretending the pain doesn't exist, or constantly achieving because the dopamine hit of getting that car, that house, or that raise helps you to avoid dealing with your… Share on X

Maybe as you’re reading this blog you’re thinking, “I know someone like this.” Or…and this may be a tough pill to swallow, maybe this girl is you.

God Wants To Be There For You

Too often, women think being content means silencing their desires — acting like they don’t want marriage, children, partnership, or love.

They believe if they mention the longing, it means they’re not “trusting God enough.” So they shove their real feelings into a quiet corner of their hearts, smile, and call it “surrender” and “contentment.”

Sis, that’s not being content. That’s avoidance. And it’s not biblical (or psychologically healthy!). Anything you avoid holds power over you. You have to face it, no matter how much it hurts, and bring it to God for Him to help you deal with it.

Too often, women think being content means silencing their desires — acting like they don’t want marriage, children, or love. Sis, that’s not being content. That’s avoidance. And that's not biblical or psychologically healthy! Share on X

Others believe the opposite lie: that it’s impossible to be content and still deeply desire marriage. But wanting something good — especially something God created — is not discontentment. I’m going to say this one more time:

Wanting something good is not discontentment.

Jesus Himself asked the Father for things. So did Paul. So did Joseph, Hannah, Abraham, and David. So can you.

Anything you avoid holds power over you. You have to face it, no matter how much it hurts, and bring it to God for Him to help you deal with it. Share on X

In reality, where we get into trouble is:

• 1) not appreciating and enjoying all that God has already blessed us with and,
• 2) wanting a good gift (whether marriage or some other blessing) more than the Gift-giver — God Himself.

So no, sis, contentment doesn’t require you to shut down your heart, hopes, or dreams. It requires you to open it to the One who understands it most.

Contentment doesn’t require you to shut down your heart, hopes, or dreams. It requires you to open it to the One who understands it most. Share on X

Paul: The OG of Biblical Contentment

Let’s be real—Paul was in prison when he wrote Philippians, one of the most joy-filled books in the Bible. He said:

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” – Philippians 4:11

That doesn’t mean Paul was happy about prison. It means he had learned contentment — through hardship, through surrender, through the deep knowledge that Christ was with him and for him, even when life didn’t go his way.

Paul is a great example — but I’m not going to lie and say I always relate. I don’t. Sometimes I read Paul’s words and marvel at just how easy he makes it seem! It annoys me that I can meditate on God’s word and still struggle. That’s okay. Learning contentment is a process, not a personality trait.

The Pressure to Be “Perfectly Content” in Singleness

Imagine someone says to you, “Maybe you’re still single because you haven’t learned to be content yet.”

While it’s true that God desires us to find our ultimate fulfillment in Him, it is not true that your singleness is some kind of punishment for not being spiritual enough. That’s not biblical. That’s legalism.

The Pharisees believed that their righteousness earned them God’s blessings — and they completely missed Jesus because of it.

Sometimes, people treat a spouse like a reward for good behavior. Well, I’m hear to tell you that a spouse is not a prize. A spouse is a gift. You do not have to do Simone Biles-level spiritual tricks, performances, or reach some arbitrary level of holiness to “deserve” love or be worthy of marriage. God wants to give you grace, not grades.

While God desires us to find our ultimate fulfillment in Him, it is not true that your singleness is punishment for not being spiritual enough. That’s not biblical. That’s legalism. The Pharisees believed their righteousness earned… Share on X

When You’re Doing All the Right Things… And Still Alone

You’ve been:

• Praying
• Going to therapy
• Reading books
• Healing your inner child
• Forgiving past partners
• Serving at church

And still — no spouse. That hurts. It’s confusing. It can make you question God. It can make you feel bitter, angry, resentful, and even envious. You start wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Why not me?”

Sometimes, people treat a spouse like a reward for good behavior. But a spouse is not a prize. A spouse is a gift. You do not have to do Simone Biles-level spiritual tricks, performances, or reach some arbitrary level of holiness… Share on X

Negative emotions don’t make you a bad Christian. They make you human. They’re signals, not sins. And ignoring them won’t make them go away.

Instead, sit with your feelings (especially the negative ones). Get curious. Ask, “What is this feeling telling me?”
Is it highlighting a wound that still needs healing? A lie you’re believing about your worth? A desire that’s been ignored for too long? Great! Then that’s your cue to bring every last emotion to God.

God Can Handle Your Honest Emotions

Maybe you were raised in a church that told you not to question God. I can remember asking my mom several questions growing up only to be told “Don’t question God!” Instead, I should just “have faith” and “trust Him.”

While her heart was certainly in the right place, I’ve had to learn over time that she was partially wrong. Relationship with God is not about pretending you don’t have questions or aren’t hurting. It’s about intimacy. And real intimacy requires honesty (even, and especially, when it’s uncomfortable).

Psalm 62:8 – “Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

Relationship with God is not about pretending you don't have questions or aren't hurting. It’s about intimacy. And real intimacy requires honesty (even, and especially, when it's uncomfortable). Share on X

You can be reverent and still be raw. God wants to be your safe space. He’s not offended by your despair. He’s your Father, and He wants the real you.

Journal Prompts to Help You Process Your struggle with singleness/being content:

1. What feelings come up for me when I think about being single for the long haul?
2. What lies have I believed about God’s love because of my singleness?
3. Have I ever felt pressured to perform or “earn” a spouse? Where does that pressure come from (internal or external sources)?
4. What parts of my singleness genuinely hurt — and what parts have blessed, taught, or grown me?
5. How can I be honest with God today about what I really want?

Take your time, sis. Don’t rush this part of the process. Sit and reflect long enough to identify the underlying thoughts/beliefs keeping you stuck. This exercise will enable you to learn and grow in ways you would not believe!

You can be reverent and still be raw. God wants to be your safe space. He’s not offended by your despair. He’s your Father, and He wants the real YOU. Share on X

10 Things You Can Do to Work on Contentment and Trust:

1. Spend daily time with God (Psalm 1:2-3)
2. Memorize and speak Scripture over yourself (e.g., Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28)
3. Write a gratitude list each week (or say one thing you’re grateful for at the beginning of each day).
4. Go to therapy (faith + mental health can and should coexist!)
5. Get involved in community (don’t isolate)
6. Plan a solo trip or retreat (refresh your soul)
7. Serve others — shift the focus from self to others.
8. Take breaks from social media when needed
9. Read books on singleness, identity, and joy
   • Try: “The Sacred Search“ by Gary Thomas or “Redeeming Singleness“ by Barry Danylak
10. Ask God to show you areas where you’re still striving instead of trusting

If this post hit home for you, share it with a sister who might be struggling with contentment too. Let’s walk this journey together—honestly, humbly, and hopefully.

Coming Up in the Series:

2. “The Myth of Arrival: Why Contentment Doesn’t Start With a Wedding Ring”
3. “I’m Not Okay Right Now—And That’s Okay (Contentment in the Midst of Grief)”
4. “What to Do When Everyone Around You Is Getting Married But You’re Not”
5. “Walking With God Through the Long Wait: How to Trust When You’re Tired of Trying”