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It was a night like any other night. I was on the sofa in my satin jammies, munching on a bag of BBQ chips, sipping on a bottle of water, and watching a movie. It was a movie I had seen before: The Ugly Truth starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.
But something was different that night.
While I actively avoid movies known for explicit/nude scenes, Iโm used to an occasional racy scene here or there. But tonight as I watched the movie, I could tell that I was feeling superโฆletโs say โfriskyโ (in case my mom reads this blog) lol.
I am not exaggerating when I say it was as if every nerve ending in my body was electrified! I didnโt get it. There was no nudity, but after watching one scene in particular, I felt ready to jump on the nearest Tom, Dick, or Harry (absolutely no pun intended)!
The (Real) Ugly Truth
Sis, let me just say it plain: This walk with God? Itโs beautiful, holy, and good. But itโs also hard.
From the time you hit puberty, and your reproductive system activates, your sex drive becomes something that can influence a lot of your behavior.
Like me, youโve probably been told over and over and over again: sex is for marriage. But whatโs a girl to do when you leave your teens and hit your 20s, 30s, and maybe even 40s with no marriage in sight? Then what?
Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke! Especially when youโre ovulating, and your body is out here acting like it didnโt get the memo that youโre trying to live right.
Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke! Especially when your body is out here acting like it didnโt get the memo that youโre trying to live right. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XAs a woman in her 30s, Iโve felt caught between two worlds โ my love for God (and wanting to obey His commandments) and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release.
Was it hard for you to read that or even say it to yourself? Well, Iโve got news for you. Itโs not just okay to admit that, itโs necessary. Because guess what?
Pretending youโre not struggling will not make the struggle go away. Believe me, I know!
As a woman in her 30s, I’ve felt caught between two worlds โ my love for God and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XReality is Often Disappointing
Iโm not writing this from the mountaintop, basking in abstinent/celibate perfection.
No, sis, Iโm writing this from the trenches, from the place of late-night prayers, tears on my pillow, and struggles with lust. From the place of learning (and re-learning) that obedience doesnโt always feel good, but it is good.
Some of you have been holding on to your virginity in a death grip, white-knuckled and exhausted. Others of you have stories with more curves than a mountain road.
Maybe youโve had sex, got your heart broken, and finally said, โOkay God, maybe Your way really is better.โ Maybe youโve tried it your way and came back limping, heart-sore, soul-tied, yet hoping to try again.
Or maybe youโre caught in that in-between: wanting to stop but struggling to let go, pulled by both love and lust, conviction and desire. Regardless of which side you fall on, I see you.
Wherever you land, thereโs one thing we all seem to share: the struggle is real. Especially around ovulation. Likeโฆwhy does biology have to betray us right when weโre trying to honor God? One minute youโre reading your Bible and minding your business, and the next, youโre side-eying the guy on the treadmill just because he has a nice, firmโฆ body.
Sis, Iโm here to tell you that you are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not unholy. You are human. And even Jesus understands what it means to be tempted (Hebrews 4:15).
How Do I Fix It?
So whatโs a girl to do when sheโs craving sexual connection and release but committed to doing it Godโs way?
Here are 10 tips that have helped me and I hope will also help you:
1). Pre-decide Your Boundaries
Donโt wait until the date to decide what your limits are. Set them before you put on the cute dress.
Proverbs 4:23 says, โAbove all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.โ If you donโt know your boundaries while youโre emotionally sober, you definitely wonโt know them when youโre riding on that sexual tension high.
2). Get Real with God
God is not shocked by your desire. Be honest in prayer. Tell Him about your struggles with lust and that fantasy world you keep going to in your head.
Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the โcleanโ Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
Isaiah 58ย reminds us that fasting loosens the chains of wickedness. I once heard someone say that fasting is disconnecting from the physical to plug into the spiritual. Use the hunger from your fasting to press into Him.
3). Fast & Pray
Fasting isnโt just about food. You need to also fast from things that stir up your flesh.
Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the โcleanโ Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
Healing doesnโt happen in hiding. If youโre struggling with pornography, masturbation, erotica, webcamming, etc., donโt sugarcoat it. Let them know exactly what your struggles are so they know not only what to pray for, but what to check in with you about. And donโt hesitate to install software (such as this one) on your devices to help you stay on the sexual straight and narrow.
4). Have an Accountability Partner
Donโt isolate. James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so we may be healed.
Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the โcleanโ Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
I donโt care how much you love that artistโs music! Put it down and step away from the temptation. Philippians 4:8 says to think on things that are pure and lovely. Be mindful of the inputs youโre feeding your soul. If you feed yourself trash, it will come out of you eventually.
5). Change the Channel
If what youโre watching or listening to stirs up lust, turn it off.
Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the โcleanโ Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
If you don’t know your boundaries while you’re emotionally sober, you definitely won’t know them when you’re riding on that sexual tension high. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X6). Exercise & Channel the Energy
When ovulation hits, you can literally feel all fired up and ready to go. But remember, you can channel that energy and release it in a different form.
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
7). Journal Through Your Feelings
It helps you see patterns in your triggers so you know how to avoid or prevent them in the future. In addition, journaling your failures and successes reminds you of how far youโve come. It becomes a testimony in your progress not only in fighting sexual temptation but also in deepening your walk with God. Write about your cravings, your temptations, and your victories.
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
8). Immerse Yourself in the Word
Psalm 119:11 says, โI have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.โ Scripture wonโt erase your urges, but it will reframe your response. The more time you spend in prayer and the Word, the stronger your relationship with God will be. And the stronger your relationship with God, the easier it is to flee from temptation.
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
9). Donโt Feed the Fantasy
Lust often starts in the imagination. 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take every thought captive. If you donโt arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. There are certain shows/movies I would LOVE to watch. But I had to say โnoโ because I knew that watching all of those explicit scenes would definitely fuel my fantasy life which would fuel other thingsโฆ
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
10). Remember the Fire Analogy
As Dr. Tony Evans says, Sex is a fire. Marriage is the fireplace. Set that fire anywhere else, and youโll burn the whole house down. But set it where God ordained, and it can warm your soul for a lifetime.
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
Proverbs 4:23 says, โAbove all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.โ If you donโt know your boundaries while youโre emotionally sober, you definitely wonโt know them when youโre riding on that sexual tension high.
Lust often starts in the imagination. If you donโt arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XThe Truth That Sets You Free
Letโs be real. It is hard to wait.
- Itโs hard to listen to or scroll past everyone talking about how amazing their sex life is.
- Itโs hard to stop having sex once youโve started.
- Itโs hard to love someone deeply and still say โnoโ when your body is screaming โyes, yes, yes!โ
- Itโs hard when your flesh is begging for release, but your spirit is whispering, โWait. Hold on. Not the right time, person or place.โ
But sis, hear this: You are not less holy because you struggle. You are not less loved because you are tempted or gave in. You are not less saved because your body wants now what God says you have to wait for.
God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesnโt just break His heart, it breaks ours too.
But sexual discipline now becomes freedom later. It prepares you for a marriage where trust, communication, and intimacy thrive. Sexual discipline now is a seed that will blossom into sexual freedom later.
God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesnโt just break His heart, it breaks ours too. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XDonโt give up. Donโt beat yourself up either. If you stumble, get up. Godโs grace is not a permission slip, but it is a safety net. There is no shame in the fight. There is honor in the effort.
Sis, believe me when I say, you are not alone. You are not dirty. You are not broken.
You are chosen. You are pursued. You are stronger than you feel.
Keep going, sis. Even as you slip, fall, and get back up again, heaven is cheering you on.
What advice would you give to a sister struggling with sexual sin? Share it in the comments below!
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