Burning With Passion? How To Be Abstinent When Your Body Craves the Opposite

It was a night like any other night. I was on the sofa in my satin jammies, munching on a bag of BBQ chips, sipping on a bottle of water, and watching a movie. It was a movie I had seen before: The Ugly Truth starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.

But something was different that night.

While I actively avoid shows or movies with explicit/nude scenes, I’m used to kissing or racy scenes here or there. But tonight as I watched the movie, I could tell that I was feeling super, extra horny.

I am not exaggerating when I say it was as if every nerve ending in my body was electrified! I didn’t get it. There was no nudity on the screen; but after watching the romantic/sexual scenes between Heigl and Butler, I felt ready to jump on the nearest Tom, Dick, or Harry (absolutely no pun intended)!

The (Real) Ugly Truth

Sis, let me just say it plain: This walk with God? It’s beautiful, holy, and good. But it’s also hard.

From the time you hit puberty, and your reproductive system activates, your sex drive becomes something that can influence a lot of your behavior.

Like me, you’ve probably been told over and over and over again: sex is for marriage. But what’s a girl to do when you leave your teens and hit your 20s, 30s, and maybe even 40s with no marriage in sight? Then what?

Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke! Especially when your body is out here acting like it didn’t get the memo that you’re trying to live right.

Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke! Especially when your body is out here acting like it didn’t get the memo that you’re trying to live right. Share on X

As a woman in her 30s, I’ve felt caught between two worlds — my love for God (and wanting to obey His commandments) and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release.

Was it hard for you to read that or even say it to yourself? Well, I’ve got news for you. It’s not just okay to admit that — it’s necessary. Because guess what? Pretending you’re not struggling will not make the struggle go away. Believe me, I know!

As a woman in her 30s, I've felt caught between two worlds — my love for God and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release. Share on X

Reality is Often Disappointing

I’m not writing this from the mountaintop, sipping holy water, praying for hours on end, or basking in abstinent/celibate perfection. No, sis, I’m writing this from the trenches. From the place of late-night prayers, tears on my pillow, struggles with masturbation, and cool showers. From the place of learning (and re-learning) that obedience doesn’t always feel good, but it is good.

Some of us have been holding on to our virginity in a death grip, white-knuckled and exhausted. Others of us have stories with more curves than a mountain road.

Maybe you’ve had sex, got your heart broken, and finally said, “Okay God, maybe Your way really is better.” Maybe you’ve tried it your way and came back limping, soul-sore, soul-tied, yet hoping to try again.

Or maybe you’re caught in that in-between: wanting to stop but struggling to let go, pulled by both love and lust, conviction and desire. Regardless of which side you fall on, I see you, sis.

Wherever you land, there’s one thing we all seem to share: the struggle is real. Especially around ovulation. Like…why does biology have to betray us right when we’re trying to honor God? One minute you’re reading your Bible and minding your business, and the next, you’re side-eying the guy on the treadmill just because he has a nice, tight body.

Sis, I’m here to tell you that you are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not unholy. You are human. And even Jesus understands what it means to be tempted (Hebrews 4:15).

How Do I Fix It?

So what’s a girl to do when she’s craving sexual connection and release but committed to doing it God’s way?

Here are 10 tips that have helped me and I hope will also help you:

1. Pre-decide Your Boundaries
   Don’t wait until the date to decide what your limits are. Set them before you put on the cute dress. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If you don’t know your boundaries while you’re emotionally sober, you definitely won’t know them when you’re riding on that sexual tension high.
2. Get Real with God
   God is not shocked by your desire. Be honest in prayer. Tell Him about your struggles with lust and that fantasy world you keep going to in your head. Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the “clean” Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
3. Fast & Pray
   Fasting isn’t just about food. You need to also fast from things that stir up your flesh. Isaiah 58 reminds us that fasting looses the chains of wickedness. I once heard someone say that fasting is disconnecting from the physical to plug into the spiritual. Use the hunger from your fasting to press into Him.
4. Have an Accountability Partner
   Don’t isolate. James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so we may be healed. Healing doesn’t happen in hiding. If you’re struggling with pornography, masturbation, erotica, webcamming, etc., be real, be honest. Don’t sugarcoat it. Let them know exactly what your struggles are so they know not only what to pray for, but what to check in with you about. And don’t hesitate to install software (such as this one) on your devices to help you stay on the (lust/sexual) straight and narrow.
5. Change the Channel
   If what you’re watching or listening to stirs up lust, turn it off. I don’t care how much you love that artist’s music! Put it down and step away from the temptation. Philippians 4:8 says to think on things that are pure and lovely. Be mindful of the inputs you’re feeding your soul. If you feed yourself trash, it will come out of you eventually.
6. Exercise & Channel the Energy
   When ovulation hits, you can literally feel all fired up and ready to go. But remember, you can channel that energy and release it in a different form. Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones — use them to your advantage.
7. Journal Through Your Feelings
   Write about your cravings, your temptations, and your victories. It helps you see patterns in your triggers so you know how to avoid or prevent them in the future. In addition, journaling your failures and successes reminds you of how far you’ve come. It becomes a testimony in your progress not only in fighting sexual temptation but also in deepening your walk with God.
8. Immerse Yourself in the Word
   Psalm 119:11 says, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Scripture won’t erase your urges, but it will reframe your response. The more time you spend in prayer and the Word, the stronger your relationship with God will be. And the stronger your relationship with God, the easier it is to flee from temptation.
9. Don’t Feed the Fantasy
   Lust often starts in the imagination. 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take every thought captive. If you don’t arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. There are certain shows/movies I would LOVE to watch. But I had to say ‘no’ because I knew that watching all of those explicit scenes would definitely fuel my fantasy life which would fuel other things…
10. Remember the Fire Analogy
    As Dr. Tony Evans says, Sex is a fire. Marriage is the fireplace. Set that fire anywhere else, and you’ll burn the whole house down. But set it where God ordained, and it can warm your soul for a lifetime.

If you don't know your boundaries while you're emotionally sober, you definitely won't know them when you're riding on that sexual tension high. Share on X

The Truth That Sets You Free

Let’s be real. It is hard to wait.

• It’s hard to listen to or scroll past everyone talking about how amazing their sex life is.
• It’s hard to stop having sex once you’ve started.
• It’s hard to love someone deeply and still say ‘no’ when your body is screaming ‘yes, yes, yes!’
• It’s hard when your flesh is begging for release, but your spirit is whispering, “Wait. Hold on. Not the right time, person or place.”

Lust often starts in the imagination. If you don’t arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. Share on X

But sis, hear this: You are not less holy because you struggle. You are not less loved because you are tempted or gave in. You are not less saved because your body wants now what God says you have to wait for.

God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesn’t just break His heart—it breaks ours too.

But sexual discipline now becomes freedom later. It prepares you for a marriage where trust, communication, and intimacy thrive. Sexual discipline now is a seed that will blossom into sexual freedom later.

God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesn’t just break His heart—it breaks ours too. Share on X

Don’t give up. Don’t beat yourself up either. If you stumble, get up. God’s grace is not a permission slip, but it is a safety net. There is no shame in the fight. There is honor in the effort.

Sis, believe me when I say, you are not alone. You are not dirty. You are not broken.
You are chosen. You are pursued. You are stronger than you feel.

Keep going, sis. Even as you slip, fall, and get back up again, heaven is cheering you on.

What advice would you give to a sister struggling with sexual sin? Share it in the comments below!