Have you ever felt like, just because you’re single, some people just see you as someone to help them check things off their to-do list?
It’s almost as if your life is everyone else’s Plan B (or worse, plan A!).
- Need a Babysitter? You got it.
- Dropoff/pickup to or from the airport at 4 AM? Of course.
- Cover dinner for the 3rd time because you have more disposable income? Sure.
- Drive to Hialeah to pick up that furniture because you have more free time? You betcha!
Some people genuinely act as if your being single means you have endless resources and availability. Sis, I feel your pain. Deeply. As your sister in this journey, I’ve lived it too. If you’re not careful, it can really start to make you feel less like a person and more like an object to be used.
Quick Sidenote
There is nothing wrong with choosing to help out your family member, friend, coworker, or anybody else as a single person. I actually think your single season often does provide you with more freedom than your “married with a family” peers may have. However, there is a difference between you making the decision to help because you can and are willing to, versus feeling obligated to pick up everybody else’s slack and be an impromptu babysitter/chauffeur/cook/ATM because you’re single with “no dependents.”
The Weight of Feeling Used
There’s something disheartening about being constantly viewed as the “available one.”
It starts small: a favor here, a sacrifice there. But when it becomes a pattern? When your time, energy, and wallet are not just expected — they’re assumed? That’s when resentment (towards them) and disappointment (towards God for allowing you to still be single and free for them to “use”) can start to creep in.
You begin to feel like an object. A convenient resource for others who have families, spouses, and more “valid” responsibilities. And when you try to speak up, you risk being labeled as selfish or bitter. Sis, here it from me:
You are not selfish for having needs. You are not wrong for wanting respect.
It’s Time to Set Boundaries—and Keep Them
Jesus had boundaries. He stepped away from crowds. He said “no” without guilt. And you, as His daughter, are allowed to do the same.
But before we dive into the how, let’s talk about the types of communication styles:
Four Communication Styles:
- Passive – You ignore your needs. You say yes to everything. You silently suffer.
- Aggressive – You explode, lash out, or demand.
- Passive-Aggressive – You agree to help, then guilt-trip, sabotage, or make snarky comments.
- Assertive – You calmly, clearly communicate your needs and respect others’ needs while also honoring your own.
Only assertiveness is healthy. It recognizes that while their thoughts, needs, and feelings are valid, so are yours.
This leaves no room for guilt/shame.
So now you’re wondering, “How can I be assertive?” Read on for part 2 to learn strategies to be assertive and set healthy boundaries.
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