From ‘Happily Ever After’ to ‘Divorced’: You Need to Know You Didn’t Fail — You Survived

Can I sit with you for a minute?

• Not as a “counselor.”
• Not as someone who’s been there and has “figured it all out.”
• Not as a church member (read: modern-day Pharisee) telling you all of the ways you went wrong and why you’re doomed to hell.

No, I’d rather come as your sister who sees your heart and knows what it’s like when life didn’t turn out the way you planned.

Divorce isn’t just the end of a relationship — it’s the shattering of a future you prayed for, hoped for, and maybe even built your life around.

Divorce isn’t just the end of a relationship — it’s the shattering of a future you prayed for, hoped for, and maybe even built your life around. Share on X

And now? Maybe you’re standing in the rubble, wondering, Who am I without him? Without us?

Or, maybe you’re on the opposite side and are glad you’re divorced. You feel like you held on for as long as you could. Yet after one too many abuses or abandonments of one kind or another, you finally mustered the courage to pull the plug.

Maybe you worry about what other Christians are going to say about you or what stories will be passed through the grapevine. Let me say this slowly, and with all of the grace I can muster. No matter what happened or how it went down,

• Your story isn’t over.
• Just because you feel broken doesn’t mean you are broken.
• There’s grace in divorce, both for the spouse who felt completely victimized as well as for those who have enough awareness that they also played a role in the divorce.
• You are not disqualified from a beautiful future.

Let’s Talk About the Grief No One Warned You About

Divorce is grief—but it’s a complicated one. It comes with guilt, shame, anger, regret… and still, sometimes, love. You lost a person, but you also lost:

• Routines
• Holidays
• Inside jokes
• Shared dreams
• Intimacy ( of all kinds)
• The version of yourself you thought you’d always be.
• The future you envisioned for yourself and/or your child(ren).

That grief? It’s valid. And it needs space. Grace. Gentleness. Humility.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

Whether you’ve been grieving for a month, or years, God isn’t waiting for you to “get over it. He’s sitting right beside you in it.

From a Psychological Perspective…

Divorce is a trauma — even if it was necessary. It shocks your nervous system. It disrupts your sense of identity and belonging.
And if you were married for years, your brain literally formed patterns around being a “we.”

So when “we” becomes “I”? It takes time to recalibrate. To reclaim your rhythm. To believe that “I” am enough. Or to believe that “I can survive.”

Therapy can help. So can support groups, spiritual counseling, and — yes — even journaling through the mess. Don’t hesitate to use every tool at your disposal to work through your feelings about your divorce.

From a psychological perspective, divorce is a trauma…even if it was necessary. Share on X

What God Says About You Hasn’t Changed

Divorce might have changed your name, your address, your day-to-day. But it didn’t change your value. Your calling. Your belovedness. You are not less of a woman. Not less of a believer. Not less of a bride of Christ.

God saw this detour even before you did. And yet, He loves you so much that He still calls you chosen, whole, and redeemed. “Behold, I am making all things new.” – Revelation 21:5

Journal Prompts for the Journey

1. What am I grieving that others may not see?
2. What false beliefs about myself am I ready to release?
3. What does healing look like for me—not what others expect?
4. What have I gained, discovered, or reclaimed in this season?
5. What do I want to believe about love, trust, and God moving forward?

Coping Skills + Comfort Rituals

• Ground yourself. 5-4-3-2-1 technique (name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, etc.)
• Get moving. Walks, yoga, or dance—even if it’s just in your living room
• Say it out loud. Speak truth over yourself daily (even when your feelings argue back)
• Pray honest prayers. Ugly ones. Silent ones. Tear-filled ones. God is not shocked.
• Unfollow unhelpful pages. If it’s not helping you heal, it’s okay to mute it.
• Create a “Life After” playlist. Songs that speak life, not sadness
• Talk to someone. A therapist, mentor, or safe friend—don’t isolate in your pain

I know you didn’t plan to be here. But I also know that this place —this version of your life — is not a dead end. It’s simply a holy plot twist. And it can still lead to joy, growth, healing, and even love… in ways you never expected.

I know you didn’t plan to be here. But I also know that this place —this version of your life — is not a dead end. It’s simply a holy plot twist. And it can still lead to joy, growth, healing, and even love… in ways you never… Share on X

You’re not behind. Let yourself rest. Let yourself rise. And if you ever need a hand to hold? The sisterhood’s hand is right here.

P.S. If you know a sister who’s walking through divorce, forward this post to her. Let her know she’s not alone — and her life isn’t over. This is just a beginning that looks different than what she expected.