He was tall, handsome, articulate, and went to church regularly.
When we finally went out on a date, our conversation was endless and the chemistry was scintillating.
We would have debates spanning days on subjects related to the Bible, Christianity, the president, and even our businesses.
This went on for months. Months! I thought we were headed in the right direction. But then, one day he hit me with that question I’d gotten used to hearing but loathed:
“I don’t get it. How come you’re still single?!”
Now there was a part of me that wanted to say “Because guys like you would rather ask questions like that then do something about it” But I bit my tongue and said something else.
“My Godfather always said the two most important decisions you will ever make is who you accept as your Lord and Savior and who you marry. I want to make sure I choose the right person for me rather than rushing things.”.
Everywhere you turn, someone seems to be wondering why you haven’t met “the right person” yet or what is the real reason you’re still not married.
One camp says, “You’re being too picky! At your age, you need to lower your standards!”
Another camp says, “Your standards are too low. You’re just settling so you can be in a relationship.”
Yet another camp says, “Obviously, something must be wrong with you! You’re beautiful and smart but still single, so what is it? What’s the catch?”
The older you get, the more the consensus seems to be that if you’re a single woman pushing 30, 40, or beyond, you must be doing something wrong.
So I would like to say this clearly. As a single Christian woman desiring marriage, the goal is:
Marriage is not a prize for endurance. It’s a partnership that will either support your future or sabotage it, whether emotionally, spiritually, financially, physically, or mentally.
As a single Christian woman, your goal should not be to have a boyfriend, be in a relationship, get engaged, or even to be married. Your goal should be to marry well & in alignment with God's will. Share on XRemember, a bad marriage doesn’t just delay your life; it can handicap it. And rushing into the wrong relationship will absolutely make you wish you were still single, especially if you end up legally, financially, and emotionally tied to the wrong person.
Oh, and spoiler alert: if you have a kid with the wrong man, it will definitely ensure you end up legally, financially, and emotionally tied to the wrong person…for years! 🥴
Having standards is not a bad thing. I mean, even God ensured Adam had a job before He gave him Eve (I’m only half joking!).
That being said, not all standards are created equal. Some standards you are holding onto are rooted in fear, fantasy, or being inflexible.
A bad marriage doesn’t just delay your life; it can handicap it. And rushing into the wrong relationship will absolutely make you wish you were still single, especially if you end up legally, financially, and emotionally tied to… Share on XKeep this in mind, you being selective isn’t the problem; however, this is where you’re crossing over into unhelpful territory:
And to be clear, I’m not judging. I look back on some of the reasons I ruled a guy out and cringe at how trivial it was.
But what I had to learn was that being too picky often comes from anxiety, a strong need to control, or an unconscious fear of vulnerability.
When you over-filter, you protect yourself from disappointment and the hard work of loving an imperfect person. On the downside, you also block genuine connections.
Being too picky often comes from your anxiety, a strong need to control, or an unconscious fear of vulnerability. When you over-filter, you protect yourself from disappointment and the hard work of loving an imperfect person. On… Share on XNow let’s talk about the other extreme that can cost you dearly.
Settling looks like:
Here’s one thing I’ve learned not only from psychology but my own dating experiences. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
In other words, his patterns today predict his outcomes tomorrow.
Tolerated it in him while you were dating? You’ll have to manage it throughout your marriage.
Don’t forget, marriage won’t heal you or your partner’s chronic issues: it will magnify them.
Settling looks like choosing potential over patterns. You see the type of man he could be and assume you can help him become that man. #theliesTheLIES #forsinglewomenonly Share on XAnd biblically? Wisdom has always mattered more than urgency.
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” — Proverbs 27:12
So here is my opinion (take it or leave it): any woman can get into a relationship.
Note, I didn’t say a perfect relationship, I didn’t say a good relationship. I said any woman can get into a relationship.
If you agree, then you also understand getting a man is not a flex.
So how do you get one of these men? What do you have to do or look out for?
You have to have wisdom and discernment. In your decision-making, wisdom and discernment determine whether the man you choose will become a blessing or a burden in your life.
Marriage isn’t about hot, mind-blowing sex on demand (although that is a great perk).
I hate to break it to you, but the bulk of your marriage will not be spent having sex. The average married couple has sex once a week! Marriage is about:
Scripture warns repeatedly about unwise partnerships. God doesn’t warn you because He is restrictive, but because He is protective of you.
You’re His daughter for goodness sake!!! He wants the best for you.
“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” — 2 Corinthians 6:14
Marriage is a team and a partnership. This isn’t just about faith labels. It’s about alignment of values, direction, and character.
Your and your future spouse’s long-term satisfaction depends on shared values, emotional regulation, conflict skills, and mutual respect, not just attraction.
How do you get a good man? You have to exercise wisdom and discernment. In your decision-making, discernment is what determines whether the man you choose will become a blessing or a burden in your life. Share on XHere’s where discernment becomes a skill, not a guessing game.
Charm is loud, seductive, and persuasive. Character is consistent, stable, and reliable.
Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” The male counterpart to that would be: Charm is deceptive, and being handsome does not last; but a man who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
Anyone can say the right thing. Wisdom observes behavior over time. Psychology backs this up: consistent behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Pay attention to how he handles frustration, responsibility, boundaries, and correction.
“You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act.” — Matthew 7:16
God often guides through clarity and peace. God does not burden you with confusion, anxiety, or the constant need to justify the latest bad thing he has done.
“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” — 1 Corinthians 14:33
If you constantly feel unsettled, conflicted, or on edge, do not spiritualize that away. If something feels off, follow those breadcrumbs to determine what’s wrong and make your next moves.
Your attachment style, unresolved trauma, and unmet emotional needs can distort your attraction to that man. Therapy, mentorship, discipleship, and honest reflection aren’t weaknesses: they’re wisdom. And guess what? God can help you do all of this and more!
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts..” — Ps. 139:23
Isolation leads to blind spots. Trusted mentors and spiritually grounded family members or friends can see what your emotions might cloud.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22
Still single? You are not behind (no matter what the clock or your family says).
If you worry you’re being difficult, or if you’re worried you’re settling just to be in a relationship, pray, read your Bible, seek older mentors, go to therapy, join a small group, and pivot as necessary.
Don’t assume you’ve “missed the boat” and it’s too late for you. God has time in the palm of His hands. It’s never too late for you. You’re not too old. You’re not too “wrinkly.” God can send another “boat” in the blink of an eye.
If this spoke to you, share it with a sister who’s feeling pressured to choose quickly or questioning her standards.
When it comes to choosing a spouse, a rushed “yes” can cost you much more than a patient “not yet." #forsinglewomenonly Share on XI was recently driving on Peters Road, getting ready to turn left onto University. There…
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