The Guy You Liked Ghosted You… Now What? 6 Spirit-Led Steps to Healing & Wholeness

Have you ever been talking to a guy who you really vibed with? Great personality, easy on the eyes, lots of texting/calling. Then all of a sudden, that stopped?

I can still remember the sinking feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when the “Good morning” texts stopped coming. I can still remember the guy who told me he wanted to take me out for Taco Tuesdays and then vanished into thin air. Yep, we’re talking about ghosting.

It’s the 21st-century heartbreak no one trained us for. One minute you’re thinking about your outfit for date night, and the next, you’re triple-checking your cell signal, hoping T-Mobile is down again and there’s some logical reason for the radio silence. (Spoiler alert: there isn’t. 🙂‍↕️)

First Things First: Ghosting Is Not About You

Let me say this louder for the girls in the back: his ghosting says more about him than it ever will about you.

I know your brain wants to spiral:

• Was I too much?
• Not enough?
• Did I say/do something wrong?

I’ve asked myself all of these questions and more. But you know what I finally learned? Emotionally mature men do not just disappear without a word. Period. Men who are truly single and godly will not just disappear without a word.

If you’re bothered by the fact that you got ghosted, I’m here to tell you that you’re not crazy. You’re not being too sensitive. And you’re definitely not alone.

According to a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, around 25% of people have been ghosted.

It’s a real thing, and it hurts because it leaves you with no closure and a whole lot of self-doubt. So what’s a girl to do after she’s been ghosted for the umpteenth time?

Getting Over Ghosting? Do This Next:

1. Grieve it (even if it was short-lived).

Yes, believe it or not it is okay to be sad about someone you never officially dated. When there’s emotional investment, there’s emotional loss.

Let yourself feel that. Journal. Pray. Ugly cry if you need to. I promise you that God is not afraid of your emotions — He gave them to you! Allow yourself to feel what you feel and sit in it long enough to let it wash away from you.

Remember, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18

Yes, believe it or not it is okay to be sad about someone you never officially dated. When you get emotionally invested, you will still feel emotional loss. Share on X

2. Don’t chase closure. Give yourself closure instead.

You might be tempted to send that “Hey, just wondering what happened to you?” text. And while I totally get it, ask yourself: would his explanation actually help me?

Or would it just reopen wounds? Worse yet, what if you text and he never answers you? Will you then feel worse?

When it comes to relationships, don't chase closure. Give yourself closure instead. Share on X

Most of the time, silence is the answer. As painful as that is, don’t beg for clarity from someone who didn’t care enough to offer it freely.

Give yourself closure by reminding yourself that a good man wouldn’t have ghosted you without an explanation. If you have to chase down an answer now, you’ll have to chase down an answer throughout the rest of your relationship.

He ghosted you? Sis, don’t beg for clarity from someone who didn’t care enough to offer it freely. Share on X

3. Reflect, don’t ruminate.

Reflection is about asking questions that help you learn and grow. On the other hand, rumination is about thinking about or fixating on something over and over again that ultimately only makes you feel worse. Here’s an example:

• Reflection is: “What can I learn from this experience?”
• Rumination is: “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

Only one of those leads to growth… Make sure you pick the right one!

And remember, use this moment to evaluate your boundaries, expectations, and red flag radar so you can become wiser in your dating journey.

4. Reconnect with yourself.

Pull back the energy you poured into him and reinvest it in you.

• Go on a solo date (or take Jesus with you 🙃).
• Call up your girlfriends and go out for happy hour drinks/appetizers.
• Revisit that hobby you dropped when you started texting him every night.
• Work on that business idea you’ve been sitting on for years.

You’re not waiting for a man to complete you — you are already complete in Christ.

“You are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” —Colossians 2:10.

5. Rebuild your hope.

This is the hard part, isn’t it? When ghosting happens more than once, it can make you start to feel jaded, cynical, and guarded.

Sis, don’t let horrible dating experiences harden your heart or keep you from hoping. Besides, your hope isn’t in a guy who finally chooses you. It’s in the God who already did.

You are not too much. You are not too late. And this isn’t the end of your story.

Sis, don't let horrible dating experiences harden your heart or keep you from hoping. Besides, your hope isn’t in a guy who finally chooses you. It’s in the God who already did. Share on X

6. When the time is right, start dating again!

Now I know what you might be thinking. “Is she crazy? Why in the world would I want to put myself through that yet again?!”

So here’s the thing you may not be aware of. Let’s say you have a fear of being ghosted. When someone has a fear of something, let’s say a spider, one way to get better is exposure. In exposure therapy, you gradually get close to the thing you fear until you get used to it.

When you’re first ghosted, you automatically assume that something must be wrong with you; and you may drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what it is and how you can fix it.

But if you date long enough, what you’ll find is that some people really are just…flaky (that or they have a girlfriend who just ripped them a new one for cheating yet again!).

Ghosting doesn’t have to be the worse thing that could ever happen to you. In some cases, it may end up being the best thing. Why?

Because you get rid of the wrong one, and learn to plug into the right one who will never leave. God. Don’t let a man’s silence drown out God’s voice. Your worth is not up for negotiation, and your heart is too precious to be left on “read.”

Book Recommendation:

“Relational Intelligence” by Dr. Dharius Daniels – This book is gold when it comes to learning how to discern the relationships that are worth your time and heart.

Your worth is not up for negotiation, and your heart is too precious to be left on 'read.' Share on X

Know someone who’s been ghosted lately? Text her this post and remind her she deserves better.