When People Make Singleness Harder: How to Handle Well‑Meaning but Hurtful Comments

If you haven’t read part 1, check it out here. So now let’s talk about one of the hardest parts of singleness? It’s not just the waiting—it’s the way people talk to you while you’re waiting.

When People Make It Worse (Even If They Don’t Mean To)

I’m sure you already know all about it. This is when people are trying to be helpful and instead, they make you feel even worse than you thought was possible.

• “Oh, don’t worry! You’re next!”
• “God’s just preparing your husband!”
• “Maybe when you finally stop looking, it will happen.”

Listen. like to give people the benefit of the doubt. And I can agree that some of these comments are well-meaning. But can I be honest? Sometimes, these messages can feel awfully dismissive. Patronizing. Even painful.

Maybe their comments are meant to be encouraging, but instead, they land like a punch to your gut. These types of statements can minimize the real ache of waiting you’re feeling and can suggest that your singleness is just a puzzle you haven’t solved yet.

While your family members, friends, and even church family may smile while they say it, somehow you walk away from their comments feeling smaller, unseen, or even ashamed for still being single.

And if you’re like me, you may start wondering if maybe they’re right:

• Am I missing something?
• Am I doing something wrong?
• Am I defective, unworthy, unattractive, or unlovable?
• Am I failing some invisible test God has set up for me?

But sis, lean in close — I need you to hear this: 

You are not a problem to be solved.

Your singleness isn’t a puzzle, a punishment, or a pause button God’s finger is hovering over until you “get it together.” God isn’t holding your future hostage until you hit some magical level of contentment or perfection. That’s not His heart.

The Bible tells us God doesn’t withhold good from His daughters who walk with Him. Which means marriage — if you believe it is coming — isn’t a prize for “best behavior.” That means it’s a gift — not a trophy.

You are not a problem to be solved. Your singleness isn’t a puzzle, a punishment, or a pause button God's finger is hovering over until you “get it together.” Share on X

So let’s get honest about those well-meaning but heavy words, and let’s root ourselves back in truth. Remember, you’re not forgotten, you’re not behind, you’re not broken (at least not the way the world implies it), and you’re definitely not less-than.

God isn’t holding your future marriage hostage until you hit some magical level of contentment or perfection. That’s not His heart. Share on X

And today, I want to remind you exactly why.

• God is not handing out rewards based on what “grade” you made.
• God isn’t the type to dangle a spouse in front of you like a prize or grand trophy.
• God isn’t withholding your spouse as some test of how content or “ready” you are.

The Bible tells us God doesn’t withhold good from His daughters who walk with Him. Which means marriage — if you believe it is coming — isn’t a prize for “best behavior.” That means it’s a gift — not a trophy. Share on X

You don’t have to “earn” what is meant to be a gift. I promise you that this is not the type of God we serve. Remember the truth found in God’s word:

“No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” – Psalm 84:11b

That word “uprightly” doesn’t mean perfectly. How do I know that? Because perfect people/Christians don’t exist!

Truths about singleness: 1) God is not handing out a husband based on your performance. 2) God isn't the type to dangle a spouse in front of you like a prize or grand trophy. 3) God isn't withholding your spouse as some test of how… Share on X

Instead, God is talking about the heart of a true believer. Specifically, Jesus says in John 14:15, “If you love me, obey my commandments.” So walking “uprightly” is about believing, obeying, trusting, and waiting.

This means you can walk your singleness journey with peace, trusting that God knows the route He’s taking you on (He created it after all!). And even if it looks different from everyone else’s, trust that God has a plan that is beyond what you could ever begin to fathom or imagine.

Walk your singleness journey with peace, trusting that God knows the route He's taking you on (He created it after all!). And even if it looks different from everyone else’s, trust that God has a plan that is beyond what you could… Share on X

Real-Life Women in the Bible Who Waited

Let’s not forget:

• Hannah prayed and cried and begged for years before Samuel was born.
• Ruth lost her husband, left her home, and lived in scarcity before meeting Boaz.
• Sarah waited decades and even laughed in disbelief before God fulfilled His promise to give her a son.
• Leah was married but still unloved and desperately longed for affection from her husband, Jacob.

Waiting isn’t new. And God hasn’t forgotten how to show up for you. Just because God isn’t operating according to your timeline does not mean He’s late.

Waiting isn’t new. And God hasn’t forgotten how to show up for you. Just because God isn't operating according to your timeline doesn't mean He's late. Share on X

Journal Prompts to Process the Pain of Being “the Last One”

1. What do I feel when others around me get what I’ve prayed for?
2. What fears come up when I feel left behind in life?
3. In what ways have I compared my timeline to someone else’s?
4. Where do I feel unseen by God right now?
5. What are three ways God has shown up for me—even in this season?

10 Things You Can Do to Strengthen Your Contentment Muscle

1. Have grace for yourself. You don’t have to feel strong every day. You just have to show up to God honestly.
2. Mute when needed. It’s okay to temporarily mute social media accounts if engagement announcements are triggering.
3. Create your own rituals. Buy yourself flowers on any given day of the week. Celebrate small wins. Romanticize your own life.
4. Get in nature. Go for a walk. Let the sun hit your skin. Let creation remind you of God’s beauty and care.
5. Throw a “just because” party. Sis, you don’t need a man or a milestone (like the purchase of a house or a promotion) to celebrate your life!
6. Pray for others — and yourself. You can intercede for your friends’ marriages and also cry out for your own desires.
7. Let friends know how to support you (but remember, timing matters). Send a simple text: “I’m happy for you.” If the relationship is close enough, you can choose to be honest about your struggles while keeping it brief. Do not emotionally vomit onto your friend! But if the relationship isn’t that close, or you worry about raining on your friend’s parade, see a therapist. A therapist can help you work through those feelings of grief while also working on being there for not only your friend but also yourself.
8. Avoid making marriage an idol. Ask: “Am I worshiping the idea of marriage more than the God who created it?” And by “making marriage an idol,” I’m not talking about desiring marriage. It is normal to desire marriage, as God Himself declared, “It is not good for man to be alone.” I’m more so talking about when you get to a point where you’re pursuing marriage/a wedding more than you’re seeking a relationship with the God who is constantly pursuing you.
9. Revisit your purpose. What brings you alive? What has God called you to right now? If you’re not sure, pray to God about it. He is more than happy to tell you what He put you on this planet to do.
10. Breathe. Literally. Breathe deep. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 2 counts, and exhale for 4 counts. Stretch. Release the tension. Remind yourself that God is still with you.

Go ahead and throw that "just because" party. Sis, you don’t need a man or a milestone (like the purchase of a house or a promotion) to celebrate your life! Share on X

A Truth to Anchor You

• Even if you’re the last one in your friend group to marry,
• Even if you still have yet to walk down the aisle,
• Even if your story never unfolds like theirs…

You are not forgotten. You are not behind. You are not less than.

You want to know what you are? You are:

• Seen.
• Loved.
• Held.
• Chosen.

Right here. Right now.

If this post touched a nerve or gave your heart some comfort, send it to a sister who might be feeling left behind. Let’s remind each other: we’re still in the story. And our chapter is not over yet.