“I’m Not on Call Just Because I’m Free” — How to Set Time Boundaries and Stop Being The Backup Plan

Has anyone ever made plans for you without asking you first?

You’re sitting on the couch in your comfy robe, deep-conditioning your hair and watching The Chosen, and then boom — your phone vibrates:

• “Hey, can you watch my kids tonight?”
• “Can you run this errand for me? I know it’s your day off so it’s not like you’re doing anything.”
• You should switch your vacation time with mine since I have a family.
• “We’re short-staffed at church so we put you down to help out. We know we can always count on you!”

Sis, serious question: when exactly did your free time become a community resource???

Let’s talk about time boundaries — because your time is valuable even when it’s not scheduled down to the hour.

What Are Time Boundaries?

Time boundaries protect how you choose to spend your hours, days, and energy. They allow you to:

• Say “no” to last-minute requests or unsolicited plans.
• Reserve time for rest, recreation, or relationships you prioritize.
• Decline obligations that don’t align with your season, schedule, or calling.
• Not feel guilty for having down time, even if you “technically” could help.

I know it may not always feel like it, but I need you to keep this truth in mind: Having free time does not mean you owe it to anyone. Your day off does not automatically become their ‘help me check these things off my to-do list” time.

Time boundaries protect how you choose to spend your hours, days, and energy. Having free time does not mean you owe it to anyone. Your day off does not automatically become their 'help me check these things off my to-do list" time. Share on X

So what exactly does it look like when people violate your time boundaries?

5 Common Ways People Violate Time Boundaries

1. Assuming availability = obligation. “Well, it’s not like you’re doing anything.”
2. Volunteering your time without consent. “I told them you could help. I know you’re always free on Saturdays.”
3. Using flattery to manipulate. “I love the fact that you’re just so reliable, so we really need you again.”
4. Disrespecting your schedule. Showing up significantly late, canceling super last minute, or dragging things out.
5. Punishing you for saying ‘no’. Withholding invites, affection, or giving you attitude because you didn’t make yourself available on their timetable.

How It Affects You When Time Boundaries Are Ignored

When your time isn’t respected, you don’t just lose hours — you lose peace.

You may start to:

• Feel used. Like your time doesn’t matter unless it’s benefiting someone else.
• Abandon your own goals. You pour out for others but leave your calling, creativity, or healing on pause.
• Feel guilty for resting. Like relaxation has to be earned by overcommitting first.
• Grow resentful. Even at good people — because they expect too much.
• Experience burnout. You give and give… and then crash.

But sis — even God rested. Jesus often withdrew from people and ministry to be alone (Mark 6:31, Luke 5:16). He didn’t explain or apologize. He knew rest was holy. Why else do you think God made one of the 10 commandments that you should rest on the Sabbath?

You don’t have to fill every hour to prove your value. Rest is not a reward — it’s a right.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But I don’t know what to say without feeling bad or mean or rude.” Well, here are a few scripts to keep in mind.

Jesus often withdrew from people and ministry to be alone. He didn’t explain or apologize. He knew rest was holy. Why else do you think God made one of the 10 commandments that you should rest on the Sabbath?You don’t have to fill… Share on X

Scripts to Set Time Boundaries

Ready to take your time back? Try saying something along these lines:

1. “I have plans that day.” If they pushback with “But you have the day off!” reply, “Even if my plans are just to rest, that still counts.”
2. “That won’t work for me this week, but I hope you can find someone else.”
3. “I’ve been overextended lately and need to reserve some downtime.”
4. “As a reminder, please ask me first before committing me to anything.”
5. “I’m honored you thought of me, but I just can’t take that on right now.”

Now, when you start to assert your time boundaries, you are bound to get two types of responses: the people who respect your time boundaries and back off, or the people who immediately respond in passive-aggressive (or outright aggressive) ways.

So what’s a girl to do? Read up for what you should say to those pesky guilt-trippers:

Scripts to Rebuff Time Guilt-Trippers

If someone pushes back, here’s how to lovingly hold the line:

• “I know I’ve said ‘yes’ a lot in the past, but I’m being more intentional with my time now.”
• “Just because you don’t think I appear busy does not mean I’m available.”
• “I’m learning to prioritize rest and can’t make that commitment.”
• “If my ‘no’ changes our relationship, then our relationship probably wasn’t as mutual as I thought.”
• “If you need a backup plan, I can’t be it this time.”

Need scripts to set time boundaries and rebuff guilt trippers? Check some out here… Share on X

Dealing with the Emotional Aftermath of Setting Time Boundaries

So here is the reality: you might feel weird after saying ‘no.’ That’s totally normal.

You might feel:

• Guilty (“What if they needed me?”)
• Anxious (“Did I seem rude?”)
• Insecure (“Will they stop asking me altogether?”)

That’s emotional reasoning. Remember, just because it feels wrong doesn’t mean it is wrong.

Sometimes people will step back when they can’t use your time like they used to — but that doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Remember:

“The people who are most upset by your boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any.”

Write it on your mirror. Set it as your phone wallpaper. Whatever it takes to remind yourself: Your time is a gift, not a given.

Why Practicing Time Boundaries Is Worth It

When you protect your time a few things happen:

• You make room for purpose, not just pressure.
• You recover from burnout and prevent it in the future.
• You feel less resentment and more joy in the things you choose to do.
• You invest more deeply in the relationships and rhythms that refresh your soul.
• You honor God by stewarding your energy and schedule wisely (Ephesians 5:15–16).

What’s Next?

Know a sister who’s stretched too thin and always feels like she has to say yes? Send her this post. Let her know she’s allowed to rest, say no, and choose herself sometimes.

Have you ever had someone take your time for granted — or have you ever protected it and felt free? Tell me about it in the comments or message me. Let’s build each other up.