“MY Money Is Not YOUR Money” — How to Set Money Boundaries & Kick Leeches to the Curb

My phone vibrated. I clicked the side button and saw it was a text. I opened it up and rolled my eyes in annoyance. I was in disbelief at the contents of the text.

There were no greetings. No “Hi,” “How are you,” or even a “Hope all is well.” Just a link to a fundraiser they were trying to raise money for (the third fundraiser they had sent me!!!).

Can we normalize something real quick? Being single does not mean you have an unlimited budget or that your money is up for grabs.

• You’re not cold-hearted for saying ‘no’.
• You’re not selfish for saving your money.
• And you are not anyone’s emergency fund, financial plan, ATM, or backup bank.

Today, we’re going to talk about money boundaries — because yes, Jesus flipped tables over exploitation (Matthew 21:12–13), and you have every right to flip tables set limits on who gets access to your wallet.

What Are Money Boundaries?

Money boundaries are the financial limits you set with others about how, when, and if your money is shared. They protect your right to:

• Decide how you spend, save, tithe, or invest your income.
• Say “no” to loans, handouts, or financial pressure.
• Decline requests that don’t align with your goals or convictions.
• Not have to explain, rationalize, or justify every financial decision you make.

Now, maybe you’re saying to yourself, “I don’t think people violate my money boundaries.” Then let me share some violations below, and you can tell me if any of these sound familiar to you.

Money boundaries are the financial limits you set with others about how, when, and if your money is shared. Share on X

5 Common Ways People Violate Money Boundaries

1. Guilt-tripping you for not giving. Like your aunt who said, “I mean, it’s not like you have kids or a husband — you can afford it.”
2. Assuming you’ll pay. Whether it’s at dinner, during group vacations, or “helping out” a struggling sibling, cousin, or friend.
3. Volunteering your money without asking. The nerve of them when they say, “I told them you’d help since you’re doing pretty well and don’t have any responsibilities.”
4. Making passive-aggressive comments. “Must be nice to be able to buy new shoes every month. Some of us have real bills that get in the way of frivolous spending.”
5. Asking invasive questions. “How much did you spend on that? Aren’t you worried about being alone in retirement???!”

Sound familiar? Money boundary violations occur when people act as if they get a say in how you spend your money.

So how exactly does it affect you when people ignore your money boundaries? When people don’t respect your financial limits, you might:

• Start hiding your blessings. You don’t want to post that vacation, buy that purse, or celebrate a raise because of the backlash.
• Spend out of guilt, not generosity. You give more than you can afford just to keep the peace or avoid drama.
• Feel responsible for other people’s lives. As if your success must be distributed to others in order to be “Christian.”
• Neglect your own goals. Retirement? Business? Emergency fund? It all gets delayed because you’re constantly bailing others out.
• Resent the very people you love. And that resentment turns into guilt — and the cycle repeats.

But sis, can I remind you of something? Giving under pressure is not generosity. That’s coercion. And remember, God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7), not a coerced, guilt-tripped, pressured, reluctant, or manipulated one.

What You Need To Remember

So what’s a girl to do if she’s worried that her family members/friends will get upset at her setting money boundaries?

Here’s how to speak the truth in love when the money talks start swirling:

Scripts to Set Money Boundaries

1. “I’m not in a position to give right now, and I’m okay with that.”
2. “I’ve created a budget that doesn’t include outside loans or gifts this month.”
3. “I’ve already committed my money to other goals.”
4. “I don’t feel peace about that request, so I’ll have to pass.”
5. “I choose to give when I feel led — not pressured.”

Practice saying these until they become effortless and just roll off the tongue.

And remember, just because you have the perfect script, doesn’t mean you won’t get any pushback. Here are some scripts to rebuff folks when they try to double down or get passive-aggressive:

Scripts to Rebuff Master Manipulators/Guilt Trippers

• “This isn’t about me not caring — it’s about me stewarding what God gave me responsibly.”
• “I don’t owe access to my finances just because I’m single.”
• “I’d love to support you emotionally or practically, but not financially this time.”
• “Please don’t assume what I can or can’t afford — that’s between me and God.”
• “If your view of me changes because I didn’t give, that says more about the relationship than the request.”

Need help setting money boundaries and rebuffing those who try and guilt-trip you into spending? Check these out here… Share on X

Dealing with the Emotional Aftermath of Setting Money Boundaries

Now I know this part may stir up a lot of uncomfortable feelings for you. For example, after setting financial boundaries, you might feel:

• Guilty (“Should I have just helped one more time?”)
• Ashamed (“Do I come off greedy or unloving?”)
• Isolated (“What if they pull away from me now?”)

Sis, this is emotional reasoning talking. Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad.

And when people stop treating you the same after you set a financial boundary? That’s not punishment — that’s proof that they were more attached to your money than your heart.

When people stop treating you the same after you set a financial boundary? That’s not punishment — that’s proof that they were more attached to your money than your heart! Share on X

Remember this (say it with me, sis — and write it down):

“The people who are most upset by your boundaries are the ones who benefited from you not having any.”

They were never entitled to your blessings. Only God is your provider — and He gave you wisdom for a reason.

Why Practicing Money Boundaries Is Worth It

Sis, don’t be fooled by their psychobabble or spiritual doublespeak! When you protect your financial peace:

• You create space for long-term goals and obedience to God’s financial plan for your life.
• You stop being ruled by guilt.
• You learn the difference between helping and enabling.
• You grow in wisdom and stewardship.
• You give more freely — from overflow, not obligation.

You are not an ATM. You are a woman of wisdom, and your boundaries reflect that.

Do you know someone who’s feeling broke and bitter from constantly giving out of pressure or guilt? Share this with her and remind her: she’s allowed to protect her wallet and her peace. Have you ever had your financial boundaries crossed — or held firm and felt the freedom? Tell us how it went in the comments below.