Renewing Your Mind — How to Mentally Prepare While You Wait

Let’s get honest.

I constantly hear so much talk about “becoming a wife” or “preparing for your husband.” You know what I rarely hear about? The mental and emotional preparation needed to sustain a healthy marriage. 

We talk about being physically ready, spiritually mature, and financially stable. But what about your mind? What about your inner world — the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself, men, marriage, and God?

Because guess what? If your mind isn’t healthy, your marriage won’t be either. I have talked to so many women who say they wish they had spent more time going to therapy before marriage and working through mental/emotional issues that have now become a thorn in their marriage.

God desires to give you good gifts, but He also wants you to be able to steward them. One of the best gifts you can give your future husband, future kid(s) (and yourself) is a renewed, emotionally healthy, and resilient mind.

So let’s talk about why it matters and what that looks like. And by that, I mean what it really looks like. Not surface-level self-talk, but transformation that goes deep into your soul’s roots.

God desires to give you good gifts, but He also wants you to be able to steward them. One of the best gifts you can give your future husband, future kid(s) (and yourself) is a renewed, emotionally healthy, and resilient mind. Share on X

Why Mental Preparation Matters (More Than You Think)

Marriage doesn’t make your thoughts magically healthier. It actually exposes them.

• If you struggle with jealousy, marriage will magnify it. Any woman interacting with your husband will lead to jealous episodes, spats, or division.
• If you fear abandonment, marriage will trigger it. You will either grow needy/clingy (and potentially push your husband away) or grow disengaged and independent (which also, ironically, keeps your husband away).
• If you haven’t dealt with your past trauma, your husband will accidentally bump into your wounds. Like walking in a minefield, your husband will set off various (unknown to him) mines that will hurt and trigger you.
• If you tie your worth to being chosen, you may fall apart the moment conflict arises. You’ll interpret random situations where the two of you have differing opinions as a sign that your husband is not choosing you.

That’s why preparing your mind now isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity.

If you struggle with jealousy, marriage will magnify it. Any woman interacting with your husband will lead to jealous episodes, spats, or division. Share on X

7 Deep, Practical Steps to Mentally Prepare While You Wait

1. Begin (or continue) therapy — especially if you’ve been hurt

Some people say that “The wounds of the past will leak into the future if they go unhealed.”

I am glad that I chose to go to therapy to address childhood issues that influenced not only the way I date but the way I show up in relationships/the day-to-day. And thankfully, the therapist was able to point out even more things that were in my blindspot. If I hadn’t gone to therapy, I might have convinced myself that my partner was the problem rather than seeing how I contributed to certain things!

Whether it’s a toxic ex, a strained parent relationship, betrayal, or abandonment issues — you have to face it before you can flourish. Think about physical pain. While you can ignore it and take an Advil here and there to manage the pain, oftentimes, it will just show up another way at another time.

Similarly, emotional wounds don’t just fade with time. Emotional issues like:

• Rejection/abandonment
• Attachment issues
• Low self worth
• Anger or fear tied to abuse, neglect, betrayal, or broken trust

Your emotional wounds need care, acknowledgment, unpacking, and processing to help you see things from their proper perspective and stop viewing yourself as the problem.

If you fear abandonment, marriage will trigger it. You will either grow needy/clingy (and potentially push your husband away) or grow disengaged and independent (which also, ironically, keeps your husband away). Share on X

✅ Action Step:

• Search for a licensed Christian therapist in your area or online. Try Faithful Counseling, Psychology Today, Open Path Collective, or your church counseling center.
• Commit to at least 8 sessions to start exploring your past and how it’s affecting your present.

If you haven’t dealt with your past trauma, your husband will accidentally bump into your wounds. Like walking in a minefield, your husband will set off various (unknown to him) mines that will hurt and trigger you. Share on X

2. Create a “Thought Journal” to Capture Your Patterns

It’s been said that “You cannot change what you are not aware of.”

It’s not enough for you to feel off — you need to understand why.

Some of us treat our feelings/emotions like bad things to get rid of. This is the wrong way to look at it.

Your feelings are the smoke detector of your body. Your job is to pay attention to them to figure out what they are trying to tell you. Now maybe you’re thinking “But sometimes I have a feeling and I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from.”

In that case, when you have those moments, here’s what you need to do: write down any and everything that happened right before you started to feel that way.

• What did you see/watch, hear/listen to?
• Was it a TV show, a podcast, a scene between a loving father and daughter (even though your father has never been a part of your life)?
• Did you just have an argument with someone? What were the thoughts/takeaway messages from that conflict?
• Did you wakeup on the wrong side of the bed today? Then also note what happened the night before.

Chances are, 9 times out of 10 you will find what negatively impacted your feelings.

Also, remember that thoughts –> feelings –> actions. A thought journal helps you track your thoughts/beliefs that lead to emotional patterns, triggers, and recurring lies that keep you stuck.

✅ Action Step:

• Each time you feel an intense emotion (insecurity, jealousy, sadness), jot down:
  • What happened right before that? What was I watching or listening to?
  • What thought(s) did I have?
  • What belief is underneath that thought? (e.g., I am unworthy, inadequate, unlovable, defective, abnormal, unattractive, a failure, a loser, etc.)
  • What feelings did I have? Have I felt this before?
  • Are these thoughts/feelings true or a lie?
  • What does God’s Word say?

Over time, you’ll start noticing patterns — and those patterns tell you exactly what you need to focus on and dismantle in order to achieve healing.

If you tie your worth to being chosen, you may fall apart the moment conflict arises. You'll interpret random situations where the two of you have differing opinions as a sign that your husband is not choosing you. Share on X

3. Expose and Replace Your Core Lies

It’s been said that “If the enemy can control your beliefs, he can limit your destiny.”

Many of us walk around with lies stitched into our inner monologue:

• “I’m too much.”
• “I’m not enough.”
• “Nobody would ever want me.”
• “I’ll always be alone.”
• “Something’s wrong with me.”
• “I’m defective.”

These are not harmless. They are spiritual attacks disguised as self-talk.

✅ Action Step:

• List your top 5 limiting beliefs about yourself or marriage.
• Then write God’s truth beside each one. (Use Scripture to back it up—e.g., Psalm 139:14, Romans 8:1, Jeremiah 29:11)
• Say these truths out loud every morning for 30 days. Do you feel like people were constantly bashing you or mistreating you growing up? Then choose to speak life over yourself on purpose.

4. Read Books That Stretch and Strengthen Your Emotional Maturity

It’s been said that “What you feed your mind, your heart will believe.”

Marriage requires conflict resolution, emotional regulation, empathy, and maturity. These don’t just show up because you’re in love. These are skills you need to build now.

✅ Book Recommendations:

• Attached by Amir Levine → Understanding your attachment style is the key to building a secure relationship in your marriage.
• Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero → Don’t get it twisted. Emotions influence you in more ways than you realize. Learn how your spiritual life affects your emotional growth
• The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian → Speaking life over your mind, emotions, and future is super important. This class will help you do that.
• The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian → Start strengthening your marriage NOW. Don’t wait until you’re married.
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman → A personal fave of mine that teaches you your love language and helps you learn to show your partner love in their love language.
• Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend → This is all about learning to say ‘yes’ to love without losing yourself in the process.

✅ Action Step:

• Choose 1 book this month. Highlight it. Reflect on it. Practice 1 new insight from each chapter.

5. Practice Hard Conversations—With Friends, Family, and Yourself

“Marriage is communication on steroids. Start practicing now.”

If you shut down when you’re hurt, explode when you’re overwhelmed, or silently stew instead of speaking up — it’s time to grow in communication.

✅ Action Step:

• Role-play tough conversations in a journal or with a trusted friend. Examples:
  • “I felt __(feeling word)___when you __(what they did/didn’t do)__. The message that sent to me was__(your takeaway that caused you pain)__. Was that the message you meant to send to me? Personalized example below:
  • “I felt hurt when you didn’t let me know you were running late for dinner. The message that sent to me was you don’t prioritize me or our date nights. Was that the message you meant to send to me?”
  • “I feel hurt right now but I do want to repair this with you because I love you.”
  • “I need space to process this and I don’t want you or I to say something either of us will regret. Can we talk about this later? If so, let’s choose a time that works for both of us.”

Learning how to speak with grace and honesty now will be a game-changer later.

6. Build a Morning Routine That Centers Your Mind on Truth

It’s been said that “The first voice you hear in the morning should not be comparison. It should be Christ.”

Too many women start the day scrolling Instagram, comparing bodies, relationships, homes, and lifestyles — and then wonder why they feel empty by 9 AM!!! Remember, garbage in, garbage out.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Your day should not start with a list of all of the ways you don’t measure up to her, or all of the ways your life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.

✅ Action Step:

• Create a 20–30 minute morning rhythm:
  • 5 min: Silence & gratitude
  • 10 min: Bible reading or devotion (YouVersion has great single-women plans)
  • 10 min: Prayer and journaling
  • 5 min: Speak affirmations out loud

Repeat God’s word to yourself even when you don’t feel like it. The devil wants to keep you mired in lies. Use the truth to combat what your feelings are loudly screaming to you.

Too many women start the day scrolling Instagram, comparing bodies, relationships, homes, and lifestyles — and then wonder why they feel empty by 9 AM!!! Remember, garbage in, garbage out. Comparison is the thief of joy. Share on X

7. Join a Small Group or Accountability Circle

A wise person once said, “You can’t do transformation in isolation.”

You need women who will say:

• “You’re not crazy.”
• “Here’s what helped me.”
• “Oh my gosh, I’ve been going through that too!”
• “Let’s pray right now.”
• “I hear you sis, that would bother me too.”

✅ Action Step:

• Church doesn’t have a small group? If your church doesn’t have a women’s group, start one. Meet monthly.
• Or create a simple group chat with 2–3 like-minded women where you check in weekly about what you’re learning, praying, and unlearning.

Let’s Revisit Proverbs 31—But Through a Mental Lens

Most people focus on the Proverbs 31 woman’s work ethic and homemaking skills, but look at her mindset:

• She laughs without fear of the future (Proverbs 31:25) → She trusts God’s timing.
• She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction (v. 26) → She thinks before she speaks.
• She watches over her household (v. 27) → She is attentive, not reactive.
• Her children and husband call her blessed (v. 28) → Her emotional presence builds peace.

Before the Proverbs 31 woman became a wife and mother, she was a woman anchored in wisdom, self-control, and purpose. That’s the mental foundation we’re helping you build right now.

When Someone Says “You’re Overthinking Marriage”

Remember this: You’re not overthinking — you’re preparing on purpose.

Try saying this with grace:
“I believe God calls us to prepare for the things we pray for. I’m not obsessing — I’m aligning.”

Or…

“Healthy love takes more than feelings. It takes healing, too. I’m just starting now.”

Before the Proverbs 31 woman became a wife and mother, she was a woman anchored in wisdom, self-control, and purpose. That’s the mental foundation we’re helping you build right now. Share on X

One final note

If you haven’t already, I want you to ask yourself, where did you learn about what love and healthy relationships look like?

Was it:

• Disney?
• Romantic comedies
• Romance novels/smutty trash lit
• Your teenage/college fling
• That over-the-top couples that posts 15 times a day about their magical love story?

I hate to break it to you, but your view of love may need a HUGE overhauling.

Sis, before you get married, you MUST Break up with the fantasy of perfect love

Remember, real love isn’t shiny 24/7 — it’s sacrificial, stretching, and sanctifying. Love isn’t a feeling. It’s an action that you show in spite of the way you’re currently feeling.

If you’ve built your idea of marriage off of rom-coms or Instagram couples, it’s time to check that fantasy. Instead, ask God to help you desire a purposeful love, not just a picture-perfect one. Look to the Bible (and more specifically, Jesus) to see what true, real, genuine love looks like.

Sis, before you get married, you MUST break up with the fantasy of "perfect love." Real love isn’t shiny 24/7 — it’s sacrificial, stretching, and sanctifying. Love isn't a feeling. It's an action that you show despite the way… Share on X

Truth bomb: Marriage won’t solve loneliness if you haven’t learned to enjoy your own company. Start doing the work now!

Remember sis, mental work is sacred work. And God honors your efforts to renew your mind.

Tell me: What’s ONE mindset or belief you’re surrendering or rewiring this week? Drop it in the comments, post it in your journal, or text it to a friend. And don’t forget to share this blog with a sister-friend who’s trying to do the mental work too. We’re in this together.