Don’t Believe the Lie! How to Stop Feeling Behind When You’re Single at 40 +

You Are Still in Bloom

If you’re in your 40s and still waiting for your husband, I can only imagine your struggles.

You probably had a plan for how your life (and love life) would go. So did your parents. So did your siblings. So did your peers. And yet year after year keeps passing with nothing to show for it.

You’ve seen your prayers go unanswered, timelines shift, and expectations evolve or maybe even disappear altogether. Plus it doesn’t help that your sex drive is ramping up just as you’re doing your best to stay on the abstinence journey!

Sis, if you’re still believing, kudos to you! that is faith. Keep it up! God wants you to keep believing even before you see what you are praying for.

But if you’re struggling to believe and maintain the faith, sit down, grab a drink, and join the club. I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. That space where you really start to wonder if God has forgotten that the clock is ticking and you’re not getting any younger.

What are some of the five common concerns you may face (or fear) in Your 40s:

1). Having children may feel like it’s no longer an option for you

The idea of having biological children might feel like a dream that’s rapidly slipping through your fingers with every year that passes. You may have heard the term “geriatric pregnancy” since you were in your 30s.

Yet now, your doctor doesn’t even bother to tell you to freeze your eggs anymore. Now that you’ve joined the 40s club, she has seemingly assumed they’re already hopelessly scrambled at this point.

2). Perimenopause is here (or around the corner)

Mood changes. Night sweats. Hot flashes. Disappearing menstrual cycles. You wonder, “What in the world is going on with my body?!” You Google your symptoms and then it dawns on you. You’re entering perimenopause.

These hormonal changes can feel like betrayal when you’re still holding on to hope for a man and a baby that you can cuddle/snuggle with someday.

3). Fear of doing life alone

You watch your siblings, friends, and peers with their husband and children. You imagine what your life will look like if you never get married.

After years of waiting, it’s hard not to wonder, “Is this just it for me?” A lonely life followed by a lonely retirement at a nearby nursing home with no one to visit?

4). Feeling too set in your ways

After 20+ years of independence, you’ve grown into your own routines and rhythms. You start to wonder, “Could someone else even fit into my life?” “Would I even want that at this point?” You start to think that maybe a man wouldn’t fit into your life anyway.

5). Difficulty picturing what partnership would look like now

Starting fresh after all of these years of singleness can feel daunting rather than dreamy. You wonder if marriage won’t disrupt your life, your schedule, and your plans rather than add to it.

5 Truths You Need to Hold Onto:

1). Your story isn’t over

Ruth wasn’t in her 20s when she met Boaz. God can bring beauty from unexpected places at unexpected times. If God wants you to get married at 42 and have your first child at 44, He can and will make it happen. Don’t focus on the clock. Remember, God controls time. If He gave Sarah a baby at 90, you still have infinitely more time left (and no! We’re believing in a miracle for you way sooner than that, sis!).

Ruth wasn’t in her 20s when she met Boaz. God can bring beauty from unexpected places at unexpected times. Share on X

2). You still have so much to offer

Think back to the way you were back in your 20s and 30s? Can you see some of the various ways that you have changed for the better? Contrary to what your thoughts (or the devil) may have you believe, your wisdom, presence, and maturity are gifts, not liabilities.

Being single in your 40s does not mean you are “old” or “over the hill.” You still bring something to the table that you may not have had in your 20s or 30s. Remember, the way you think impacts the way you feel. Think old, feel old, be old. Sis, you don’t want that, so don’t entertain those types of thoughts.

Being single in your 40s does not mean you are "old" or "over the hill." You still bring something to the table that you may not have had in your 20s or 30s. Share on X

3). Love doesn’t expire

True companionship doesn’t depend on age. It depends on alignment, readiness, and God’s timing.

I once read a comment online where someone said that when a man finds the right woman for him, he feels as if he has just found an unclaimed bag of gold coins. In that very moment, his immediate thought is, “She is still single?!!! I have to snatch her up before someone else does!” And he will do any and everything to make that a reality.

Do you think the man in this scenario will pull out each coin and look at the date on it to know whether he should keep it? Heck no! He realizes that the coins’ value has nothing to do with their age. Sis, the same goes for you.

A commenter once said that when a man finds the right woman for him, he feels as if he has just found an unclaimed bag of gold coins. In that very moment, his immediate thought is, "I have to snatch her up before someone else… Share on X

A man who disregards you because you’re in your 40s or beyond isn’t the man God has for you. A man who makes you feel less than for being in your 40s isn’t the man God has for you. A man who ghosts you upon learning your age isn’t the man God has for you. The right man, your God-ordained man, will appreciate you no matter how old you are when the two of you meet.

A man who disregards you because you're in your 40s, a man who makes you feel less than for being in your 40s, or a man who ghosts you upon learning your age isn't the man God has for you. The right man, your God-ordained man, will… Share on X

4). You’re not too independent for love

The right man will respect your life and enrich it — not diminish it. And if you’re not too sure about that, bring it to God.

Tell God about your concerns and ask Him to not only make your heart tender and receptive to change, but to also bring you a man who will complement you (and vice versa).

And if you fear you may be hyperindependent (which is a trauma response that often comes from feeling like you could never rely on others to meet your needs), then now is the perfect time to address this in therapy. Don’t be afraid to look for a therapist to help you unpack the wounds from your past so that you don’t bleed all over your present.

5). Your heart is still tender and worthy

Proverbs 13:12 says hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I once heard Dr. Tony Evans say that unless you pray and God tells you “no,” keep praying.

Some people are quick to remind you that a husband isn’t promised. They’re right, no verse in the Bible says “Thou shalt get a husband if you pray for one hard enough.” But you know what the Bible does say? Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened unto you.

Sis, unless God tells you marriage isn’t in the cards for you, no matter what, keep praying and keep hoping.

Some people are quick to remind you that a husband isn't promised. They're right, no verse in the Bible says "Thou shalt get a husband if you pray for one hard enough." But you know what the Bible does say? Ask and you shall… Share on X

Encouragement for You:

You’re not stuck — you’re strong. You’re not forgotten — you’re favored. This waiting isn’t empty; it’s sacred. Your 40s can be full of new beginnings, joy, and divine surprises. Keep your heart open, not just to love, but to the love of God which carries you through every delay.

Book Recommendation: The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman.

What advice would you give to a woman who’s in her 40s and struggling to hold onto hope? Send this to a woman in her 40s who needs to hear the message, “You are still blooming.”