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Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults and cartwheels is no joke. This walk with God? It’s beautiful, holy, and good. But it’s also hard.
Especially when your body is out here acting like it didn’t get the memo that you’re trying to live right.
It can feel like you’re caught between two worlds, your deep love for God and your very real, very human need for physical connection.
And that’s not just okay to admit: it’s necessary. Because pretending you’re not struggling won’t make the struggle go away. Ask me how I know…
I’m not writing this from the mountaintop, basking in my saintly ability to stay away from sin. No, I’m writing this from the trenches.
From the place of late-night prayers, fasting, praying, and talking to my friends about why God would allow your sex drive/puberty to ramp up in adolescence when marriage is so far away!
I’m writing from the place of learning (and re-learning) that obedience (such as avoiding romance novels, certain websites, media, etc.) doesn’t always feel good, but it is good.
The Struggle
Some of you have been holding on to your virginity in a death grip, white-knuckled and weary. Others of you have stories with more curves than a mountain road.
Maybe you’ve tried it your way, had sex, got your heart broken, came back limping, soul-sore, and finally said, “Okay God, maybe Your way really is better.”
And some of you are caught in that in-between: wanting to stop but struggling to let go, pulled by both love and lust, conviction and desire.
Wherever you land, there’s one thing we all seem to share: the struggle is real. Especially around ovulation. Like… why does biology seem to betray us right when we’re trying to honor God?
One minute you’re reading your Bible and minding your business, and the next, a sex scene comes on the TV show in the background and you lose track of what you were reading.
You are not:
- Crazy.
- Weak.
- Unholy.
You are human. And even Jesus understands what it means to be tempted (Hebrews 4:15).
Single = Second Class?
And while we’re being honest, can we talk about what it’s like to be single in the church? Sometimes when you’re single, it feels like the only seats available are the ones in the shadows.
Marriage and family are praised from the pulpit, celebrated in church announcements, held up as goals from leadership down to the congregation. And yet you? You get the whispers, the questions dressed up as curiosity but that can stab like daggers:
- “So… when are you going to find a nice man?”
- “How come you’re still single? You’re so smart and beautiful.”
- “Don’t wait too long, your biological clock is ticking.”
- “How come you don’t have kids?”
- “What’s wrong with you?” [They don’t always say it out loud but you still hear it lol.]
Some people unintentionally act as if your worth hinges on a wedding ring. As if being unmarried is evidence of some flaw in you.
It cuts deeper when you’re attractive. Because then people really don’t understand. You must:
- Be too picky.
- Have issues.
- Be high-maintenance.
Otherwise, someone would’ve locked it down by now, right?
Some people unintentionally act as if your worth hinges on a wedding ring. As if being unmarried is evidence of some flaw in you. Newsflash: it's not! #forsinglewomenonly Share on XAnd let’s not even talk about being seen as a threat.
The married woman at church who gives you the cold shoulder because you laughed at her husband’s corny joke.
The friend who, once she got married, suddenly treats you like you’re gunning for her man.
The influencer couple you’ve supported since their engagement, but every comment you leave now feels policed.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Being a single Christian woman in today’s church can be lonely.
But sis, let me say this loud and clear:
You are not invisible to God.
You are not overlooked in Heaven.
You are not a threat. You are a treasure.
God sees you. And He doesn’t just see your status, He sees your soul. He sees your faithfulness in the waiting. He sees your tears after church services where you felt more isolated than inspired. He sees your hunger for purpose, for partnership, for a place to belong.
Here are 10 ways to keep your heart strong while walking this path:
- Let God Define Your Identity
Not your relationship status. Isaiah 43:1 reminds you, “I have called you by name; you are mine.” - Find Purpose Outside of Marriage
Your calling didn’t get put on hold until you get a husband. Ephesians 2:10 reminds you that you’re already created for good works. - Create Sister Circles
Seek out or start small groups for single women. Build your own village of encouragement. - Set Healthy Emotional Boundaries
Be mindful of spaces where you’re made to feel “less than.” Protect your peace. - Serve to Stay Grounded
Get involved in church or community projects. Giving pours life back into you. - Connect with God Daily
Build intimacy with Him through prayer, journaling, worship. Let Him fill the lonely places. - Detach from the Comparison Trap
Social media isn’t real life. Stay grounded in your lane. - Talk to a Therapist or Mentor
Get help processing rejection, comparison, and identity struggles. - Celebrate Yourself
Don’t wait to be chosen to be cherished. Plan birthdays, dinners, getaways. You are worth celebrating now. - Remember You Are Not Alone
Elijah thought he was the last one left. He wasn’t (1 Kings 19:18). And neither are you.
Sis, community is out there. Sometimes you have to create it. Invite others. Host brunch. Be vulnerable. Speak up in church meetings. Start the group you wish existed.
The path may feel lonely, but you were never meant to walk it alone. And you are not walking it unseen.
God is not waiting for you to get married before He uses you. He is not withholding love. He is not punishing you.
He is walking with you, right here, right now.
You are not a second-class saint. You are a daughter of the Most High.
Keep going, sis. Heaven sees you.
With love, hope, and a heart that knows the ache,
Your sister in the shadows and the spotlight
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