It was a night like any other night. I was on the sofa in my pajamas, munching on a bag of BBQ chips, sipping on a bottle of water, and watching a movie. It was a movie I had seen before: The Ugly Truth starring Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.
But something was different that night.
While I actively avoid movies known for explicit scenes, I’m used to an occasional racy scene here or there. But tonight as I watched the movie, I could tell that I was feeling super…let’s say “frisky” (in case my mom reads this blog) lol.
I am not exaggerating when I say it was as if every nerve ending in my body was electrified! I didn’t get it. There was no nudity, but after watching one scene in particular, I felt ready to jump on the nearest Tom, Dick, or Harry (absolutely no pun intended)!
Sis, let me just say it plain: This walk with God? It’s beautiful…but it’s also hard.
Like me, you’ve probably been told over and over and over again: sex is for marriage. But what’s a girl to do when you leave your teens and hit your 20s, 30s, and maybe even 40s with no marriage in sight? Then what?
Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke, especially when you’re ovulating!
Trying to stay celibate while your sex drive is doing somersaults, cartwheels, and backflips is no joke, especially when you're ovulating! #forsinglewomenonly Share on XAs a woman in her 30s, I’ve felt caught between two worlds, my love for God (and wanting to obey His commandments) and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release.
Was it hard for you to read that or even say it to yourself? Well, I’ve got news for you. It’s not just okay to admit that, it’s necessary. Because guess what?
Pretending you’re not struggling will not make the struggle go away. Believe me, I know!
As a woman in her 30s, I've felt caught between two worlds — my love for God and my very real, very human need for physical connection and desire for sexual connection and release. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XI’m not writing this from a place of abstinence perfection.
No, sis, I’m writing this from the trenches, from the place of late-night prayers, tears on my pillow, and struggles with lust. From the place of learning (and re-learning) that obedience doesn’t always feel good, but it is good.
Some of you have been holding on to your virginity in a death grip, white-knuckled and exhausted. Others of you have stories with more curves than a mountain road.
Maybe you’ve had sex, got your heart broken, and finally said, “Okay God, maybe Your way really is better.” Maybe you’ve tried it your way and came back limping, heart-sore, soul-tied, yet hoping to try again.
Or maybe you’re caught in that in-between: wanting to stop but struggling to let go, pulled by both love and lust, conviction and desire. Regardless of which side you fall on, I see you.
Wherever you land, there’s one thing we all seem to share: the struggle is real. Sis, you are not crazy. You are human. And even Jesus understands what it means to be tempted (Hebrews 4:15).
So what’s a girl to do when she’s craving sexual connection and release but committed to doing it God’s way?
Here are 10 tips that have helped me and I hope will also help you:
1). Pre-decide Your Boundaries
Don’t wait until the date to decide what your limits are. Set them before you put on the cute dress.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If you don’t know your boundaries while you’re emotionally sober, you definitely won’t know them when you’re riding on that sexual tension high.
2). Get Real with God
God is not shocked by your desire. Be honest in prayer. Tell Him about your struggles with lust and that fantasy world you keep re-visiting in your head.
Psalm 139:2 says God knows your thoughts from afar. Invite Him into the mess, not just the “clean” Sunday morning parts. God can handle the truth of your struggles and will be right there to help you.
3). Fast & Pray
Fasting isn’t just about food. You need to also fast from things that stir up your flesh.
Isaiah 58 reminds us that fasting loosens the chains of wickedness. Use the hunger from your fasting to press into Him.
4). Have an Accountability Partner
Don’t isolate. James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so we may be healed.
Healing doesn’t happen in hiding. If you’re struggling with pornography, masturbation, erotica, webcams, etc., don’t sugarcoat it. Let them know what your struggles are so they know not only what to pray for, but what to check in with you about. And install software (such as this one) to help you stay on the sexual straight and narrow.
5). Change the Channel
If what you’re watching or listening to stirs up lust, turn it off.
I don’t care how much you love that artist’s music! Put it down and step away from the temptation. Philippians 4:8 says to think on things that are pure and lovely. If you feed yourself trash, it will come out of you eventually.
If you don't know your boundaries while you're emotionally sober, you definitely won't know them when you're riding on that sexual tension high. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X6). Exercise & Channel the Energy
When ovulation hits, you can literally feel all fired up and ready to go. But remember, you can channel that energy and release it in a different form.
Move it. Sweat it out. Participate in a physical activity like dancing, spinning, kickboxing, etc. God created those hormones so use them to your advantage.
7). Journal Through Your Feelings
It helps you see patterns in your triggers so you know what to avoid. In addition, journaling reminds you of how far you’ve come. It becomes a testimony in your progress not only in fighting sexual temptation but also in deepening your walk with God. Write about your cravings, your temptations, and your victories.
8). Immerse Yourself in the Word
Psalm 119:11 says, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Scripture won’t erase your urges, but it will reframe your response. The stronger your relationship with God, the easier it is to flee from temptation.
9). Don’t Feed the Fantasy
Lust starts in the imagination. 2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds us to take every thought captive. If you don’t arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. There are certain things I’d LOVE to watch. But I say ‘no’ because I knew that watching watching would fuel my fantasy life which would fuel other things…
10). Remember the Fire Analogy
As Dr. Tony Evans says, Sex is a fire. Marriage is the fireplace. Set that fire anywhere else, and you’ll burn the whole house down. But set it where God ordained, and it can warm your soul for a lifetime.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If you don’t know your boundaries while you’re emotionally sober, you definitely won’t know them when you’re riding on that sexual tension high.
Lust often starts in the imagination. If you don’t arrest your thoughts, they will arrest your obedience. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XLet’s be real. It is hard to wait.
But sis, hear this: You’re not less holy because you struggle. You are not less loved because you are tempted or gave in. You’re not less saved because your body wants now what God says you have to wait for.
God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesn’t just break His heart, it breaks ours too.
But sexual discipline now becomes freedom later. It prepares you for a marriage where trust, communication, and intimacy thrive. Sexual discipline now is a seed that will blossom into sexual freedom later.
God never gave us these sexual boundaries to harm us. He gave them to protect us. Because sin doesn’t just break His heart, it breaks ours too. #forsinglewomenonly Share on XDon’t give up. Don’t beat yourself up either. If you stumble, get up. God’s grace is not a permission slip, but it is a safety net. There is no shame in the fight. There is honor in the effort.
Keep going, sis. Even as you slip, fall, and get back up again, heaven is cheering you on.
What advice would you give to a sister struggling with sexual sin? Share it in the comments below!
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