By now, you may have heard at least part of Reesa Teesa’s Who TF Did I Marry? story.
Reesa is such an engaging storyteller that she became an internet sensation on TikTok after recounting how she met, dated, married, and eventually divorced a man she described as a pathological liar.
And to be honest, Reesa calling him a “pathological liar” sounds like it could be the understatement of the century!
According to Reesa, her ex-husband lied about his career, money, family, education, past, and more. She later discovered that pictures he’d presented as parts of his life could be found online through a reverse Google search! Some of the friends and relatives he talked about apparently didn’t even exist.
But here’s the question I want you to ask yourself:
How did a man Reesa barely knew get enough access to her life for his lies to eventually become her life?
(PS: And don’t be thinking this couldn’t happen to you. It could happen to anyone!)
Reesa herself provided some of the answer.
She admitted that her ex told her “everything” a 35-year old woman with a ticking biological clock wanted to hear. And hearing her say that, I could relate.
I can remember dating in my mid 30s and how much pressure I felt because my mind and society told me I was running out of time. Sound familiar?
Reesa admitted that she wanted marriage and children. She said the experience was “intoxicating.”
Most importantly, she admitted:
“I believed it. I wanted to believe it.”
And that’s where you (and I) can learn from her story.
1. She Confused Matching Her List With Having Good Character
Reesa wanted a man who was grounded in church, didn’t already have children, and was intentional about marriage. She felt like everyone around her was getting married and God had forgotten about her?
What woman hasn’t occasionally wondered, “Lord, what about me?!”
Then along came a tall, funny, charismatic man who claimed to check those boxes and told her almost immediately that he was looking for a wife.
It sounded like an answered prayer.
But remember, someone sounding like what you prayed for isn’t proof that God sent him.
A man can say he’s marriage-minded without being trustworthy.
He can know church language without having godly character.
He can talk about providing without being financially honest.
Don’t become so impressed by the boxes he seemingly checks that you stop examining the man checking them.
Someone sounding like what you prayed for isn't proof that God sent him. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X2. She Moved Too Fast to Properly Vet Him
Reesa met her ex-husband in March of 2020.
In less than 2 weeks, they were quarantining together.
She became pregnant in April.
They were engaged in May.
So, let’s pause.
In roughly two months, they went from first date → living together → pregnancy → engagement.
That’s a lot of life-changing decisions before you’ve had much opportunity to actually observe someone.
Proverbs 19:2 says, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.”
You need time to watch someone handle frustration, conflict, money, disappointment, responsibility, boundaries, family, and the word no.
And, yes, I know there are stories out there of people who met and married in a month or less and are still going strong decades later! But these should be seen as exceptions rather than a general rule/timeline to follow.
Don’t let chemistry, lust, impatience, or a ticking biological clock determine your timeline.
If a man is trying to rush/pressure you, remember the old cliché exists for a reason: “marry in haste, repent at leisure…”
3. She Kept Saying, “It’s Not Really a Big Deal”
One early inconsistency involved her ex using variations of his name on different dating profiles (think “Mike” versus “Michael”).
He explained it away. Reesa accepted his explanation.
But looking back, she noticed she started saying “it’s not really a big deal” far too often.
That’s worth remembering.
One strange thing about the guy you’re seeing may genuinely be nothing.
But when you keep finding yourself saying, “That’s probably nothing.” “I’m sure there’s an explanation.” “Maybe I’m overthinking it.”
Newsflash: It’s not nothing, sis.
There’s not a legitimate explanation for all of those weird coincidences (at least not one that makes sense!). And you’re not overthinking it.
Pay attention.
Sometimes the red flag isn’t one huge event. It’s the growing pile of little things you’ve repeatedly talked yourself out of examining.
Sometimes, the red flag isn't one huge event. It's the growing pile of little things you've repeatedly talked yourself out of examining. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X4. She Mistook Provision for Proof of Character
Once they lived together, he started paying bills.
Electricity. Water. Household expenses.
Reesa said she’d never experienced that kind of financial breathing room before. She interpreted it as finally experiencing a provider.
And she admitted it was intoxicating.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with appreciating generosity/provision. Most women would appreciate a man who is a provider and makes you feel like you don’t have to think about it because he’s got it covered.
The mistake is letting what someone does for you keep you from examining who he is and what he’s about.
She wasn’t asking basic questions about how much he earned or whether his financial claims made sense.
Why? She said she didn’t want to “rock the boat.” If you’re in a relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable to rock the boat, that’s something that needs to be explored.
Is it that you struggle with conflict/confrontation? Then that can be worked out in therapy. But if it’s that you’re afraid of how he’ll respond or whether he’ll leave you, that’s a huge red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.
Remember, the only perfect provider is God.
It’s good if you have a man who wants to provide for you; but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know about or understand his/your joint financial situation. 
If you're in a relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable to rock the boat, that's something that needs to be explored. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X5. She Became More Committed to Marriage Than to Discovering the Truth
Reesa openly acknowledged that marriage had become her end goal.
She wanted the husband. The children. The family.
She wanted what she described as the picture-perfect family life she hadn’t grown up with.
Then this man appeared saying:
- I want to marry you.
- I want to provide for you.
- I want to buy us a house.
- She thought it was finally her turn.
That’s dangerous territory.
When you become more committed to getting married than knowing if this man should be your husband, you’ll start protecting the relationship from information that might end it!
Your goal shouldn’t simply be marriage. Your goal should be a healthy marriage to the right person.
When you become more committed to getting married than knowing if this man should be your husband, you'll start protecting the relationship from information that might end it! #forsinglewomenonly Share on X6. She Knew He Lied and Let Him Lie His Way Out of It
This may be the biggest lesson.
During their search for a house, Reesa eventually discovered that another couple had purchased a home her fiancé supposedly had under contract.
She knew something was wrong.
She actually recorded herself saying that he was going to have to “lie his way out of it.”
Then she decided to let him.
She was pregnant and frightened of becoming a single mother (which, don’t get me wrong, is completely understandable!). I can only imagine what it would be like to be married and pregnant, and then wondering if the man I married couldn’t be trusted (or would eventually leave me).
So Reesa eventually told herself a more comfortable story: maybe his offer hadn’t been accepted and he was embarrassed.
In an episode of the Dear Future Wifey podcast, Reesa now identifies that moment as one where she compromised herself.
There’s a difference between being deceived and participating in your own deception because you don’t want the truth to disrupt your relationship.
Sis, I know you love him, I know you care about him, and I know you think he may be “the one.”
But if you already know he’s lying, please don’t shut your eyes or tune out the truth. Pray to God and ask Him to help you be courageous in determining what to do next.
There's a difference between being deceived and participating in your own deception because you don't want the truth to disrupt your relationship. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X7. She Accepted Major Commitments Without Major Transparency
Later, while trying to purchase a house, a seller asked for proof that Reesa’s ex-husband actually had the money for his all-cash offer.
He wouldn’t provide it.
Eventually, even their realtor demanded proof.
Still nothing.
If you’re close enough to marry someone, you should be close enough to have serious conversations about:
- Income
- Debt
- Credit
- Savings
- Financial obligations
- Previous marriages
- Children
- Legal history
- Future expectations
Marriage is too consequential to enter based primarily on someone’s self-report.
Proverbs 14:15 says, “The simple believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps.”
And remember, this is not about judging Reesa! Every single one of us can act like a fool in love 🙂↕️ But that’s why it’s so important to read the Word, meditate on it, and apply it.
8. She Wanted It So Badly That She Stopped Seeking God
This may be the deepest lesson of all.
Reesa admitted that she wasn’t seeking God about the relationship.
Later, while reflecting on everything that happened, she acknowledged that she kept choosing what she wanted over what was being revealed to her.
Essentially, she was saying, “I see the warning and the red flags…but I really, really want this.”
Could this be you?
Sis, that’s where you have to be careful.
Sometimes you’ve prayed so long for marriage that when someone finally resembles your prayer request, you stop praying.
“Lord, send my husband” becomes “Thanks, Lord. I’ll take it from here.”
But Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds you not to depend on your own understanding but to seek God’s will in everything you do.
Especially when you desperately want the answer to be yes.
Don’t Help Someone Deceive You
None of this means Reesa caused her ex-husband to lie. He was responsible for his deception.
But her story shows how your own desires, fears, impatience, assumptions, and willingness to overlook things can make deception easier to sustain.
So move differently.
- Slow down.
- Ask questions.
- Verify what matters.
- Meet the people who know him.
- Notice patterns.
Don’t explain away repeated inconsistencies. Don’t mistake Christian language for Christian character. And definitely don’t allow fear of losing the relationship to make you afraid of discovering the truth.
And don’t become so attached to the future a man is promising that you stop examining the man who’s promising it.
James 1:5 reminds you that if you need wisdom, you can ask God, and He’ll give it generously.
Ask. But then be willing to accept God’s answer.
Because sometimes the warning isn’t keeping you from your husband.
Sometimes it’s keeping you from eventually having to ask: “Who TF did I marry?“
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