Why God’s Timing on Marriage Is Better Than Your Fear of Being Forever Alone

As a kid, one of my favorite things to do when I was bored was to play with a rubber band. I loved how stretchy and elastic it was.

Sometimes, I’d use it as a makeshift scrunchie for my hair. Other times, I’d use it as my very own slingshot to propel things across the room (or at my sister!). But the one thing I especially enjoyed doing was grabbing the rubber band at both ends and stretching it as far as I could.

Why? Because I wanted to see just how far I could stretch it before it would pop.

Sometimes, I underestimated it. But more often than not, I overestimated it and was met with a very sharp, stinging sensation as it tore and snapped against my skin. Yet I kept doing it.

Another Year Around the Sun…

I recently celebrated yet another birthday. My friends whisked me away for a weekend where we had lots of laughs, fun, scrumptious food, great vibes, and even better conversations. I truly had an amazing time!

Yet, in my quiet time — that time when you’re alone with just your thoughts and God — I had to face a hard truth. Forty is on the horizon, yet I am still utterly single…with nobody to “mingle with” in sight.

I’ve asked all of the questions. Tell me if any of these sound familiar:

• Lord, why am I still single?
• Did I do something wrong, or am I missing something?
• How come it happened so easily for them and not for me?
• What if I should have stayed with the last guy?
• What if I wasted too much time with the wrong guy and missed my window?
• What if I marry late and can’t have a kid?!
• How is it that they’re getting remarried when I haven’t even been married once?
• Is that another wrinkle, grey hair, or roll???!!!

And on and on it goes.

I struggle to make sense of the fact that no matter how much I have prayed, fasted, bartered with God, or wished it away, my ‘single-as-a-pringle‘ status hasn’t changed. And looking at the dating pool? Won’t change anytime soon.

All By Myself…

And don’t even get me started on the loneliness. It creeps up on you like a bad case of food poisoning. You don’t always notice it until it’s too late and you’re puking your guts out (or in my case, crying my eyes out).

It feels like everyone around you has a built-in best friend but you. Yet you’ve had to celebrate the last 30, 40, or even 50+ birthdays by yourself, or worse, with what feels like the pitying stares of your family members or friends (who are also silently — or loudly — wondering why you’re still not married).

Then, even when you try to socialize or get outside of the house, you’re constantly bombarded with reminders of your relationship status.

• It’s that feeling that creeps up on you when you see couples walking by hand in hand.
• That sensation in your tummy when you go to that art class and see couples working together on their artwork.
• The envy that makes you scroll past their IG post or reel without so much as a like.
• The spike of relief when you learn they’ve broken up with their boyfriend and won’t beat you to the altar after all.

Breaking Point

Sis, can I be honest with you? Sometimes, I feel like I’m the rubber band in God’s hands.

Over and over again, God picks me up and leaves me in a situation that stretches me beyond (what I feel is) my breaking point.

Every time I hit another birthday with no prospects in sight, I do my best to keep holding onto my faith and belief that God is going to come through for me.

• I encourage myself not to look at their journey.
• I remind myself that God’s timetable isn’t my timetable.
• I tell myself that my love story will be different, and different isn’t bad — different is just different.
• I recite Biblical stories of people who waited and tell myself that my day will eventually come.
• I tell myself that God loves me and wants to give me the desires of my heart.

But something inside of me begins to crack with each year that passes by with no changes in sight.

I openly wonder, “How much longer, Lord?” “How much more of this can I take?” “Are you trying to break me?” “Am I going to be 40, 45, or 50+ and still single?”

I followed a woman online in her 40s who is now in her 60s, yet still waiting for the promise, and deep down inside, I struggle with the fear that one day I’ll be her.

Maybe you can relate.

• Maybe you’re tired of waiting.
• Maybe you’re tempted to lose hope and stop praying.
• Maybe you feel like God is being mean to you.
• Maybe you feel like God is unfair, especially in light of all that you’ve done for Him and all of your efforts to live a God-honoring life.

Can I tell you something, sis?

Your feelings of sadness, hurt, anger, frustration, and annoyance about your singleness are all valid. But never allow your feelings to dictate the facts or have the last word.

What You Need to Remember and Hold Onto

Before I get to that, I feel the need to start off with this. I’m not going to lie to you or sugarcoat the situation. Being single for significantly longer than you wanted, hoped, or expected is hard. It’s rough. It’s not for the weak. It hurts.

Your feelings of sadness, hurt, anger, frustration, and annoyance about your singleness are all valid. But never allow your feelings to dictate the facts or have the last word. Share on X

It’s painful to watch certain hopes and dreams you had gradually wash away. It’s hard to envision a future that looks drastically different than what you wished for.

• Watching all of your family members and friends get married, settle down, and start a family is hard.
• Walking in so many weddings that you have 27 dresses in your closet is hard.
• Holding your child’s baby while inwardly wishing for your own is hard.
• Hearing your friend complain about her husband for the umpteenth time when you wish you had a man even half as decent as him is hard.

But here’s what I absolutely need you to remember:

• God has not forgotten about you.
  • He can’t. God is the only person in the world who is with you 24/7, is aware of all of your prayer requests, and continues to do good things for you even when you don’t deserve it.
• God loves you.
  • Does a parent who loves their child always give their child what they want when they want it? No! A parent who withholds something good from their child for a time, for a specific reason, is not a bad parent. The same thing goes for God. Remember, God’s love isn’t proven by what He does for you today. It’s proven by what He’s already done for you on the cross.
• Your timing would match God’s timing IF only you knew everything He does.
  • God is the ultimate chessmaster. He sees all of the pieces on the board. He knows the impact of every possible combination of moves. So for that reason, He may make a move that doesn’t make sense to you right now. Why? Because you can’t see the big picture like He can.
• Delay after delay after delay after delay after delay may feel like a denial, but isn’t necessarily so.
  • I know, I know, this may be incredibly hard to believe. But God’s plan for you is good. Great even! This is when you need to trust His heart even when you can’t see His hand.

I wish I could magically tell you when God is going to answer your prayer. I can’t. I wish that I could tell you this is your last year single. I can’t. Why? Because I’m not God…and neither are you.

As you walk through this journey, I encourage you to stop comparing your life to everybody else’s. Instead, plug into your relationship with God. Work on deepening your intimacy with God and bring your loneliness, emptiness, or brokenness to Him.

Tell Him your honest feelings. Tell Him what your fears are. But then, and this is important: trust Him. Keep praying. Keep having faith. Keep hoping against all hope.

Stop comparing your life to everybody else's. Instead, plug into your relationship with God. Work on deepening your intimacy with God and bring your loneliness, emptiness, or brokenness to Him. Share on X

Maybe you also feel like a rubber band in God’s hand, being stretched to your limit (or even past your limit). But sis, that’s a good place to be. Why? Because,

• You serve a God who loves to meet you at your limit (that place when you think you have nothing left to give) and wants to show you that He is everything you need and more and,
• God may allow you to go through a “breaking” process only to birth something beautiful in you.

Don’t allow the devil to play in your mind and trick you into believing that God has it out for you. God loves you with an everlasting love. He has your back and you can trust that in due time, your time and season will come.

What advice would you give to a sister who feels like she’s reached her breaking point?