You Don’t Need Everybody to Choose You: You Need the Right One

I recently went to a bakery that was highly rated.

The kind of place where you assume that whatever comes out of that display case is going to make you close your eyes and squeal (or drool) in happiness.

I decided to try one of their cupcakes, a lemon-blueberry concoction, which sounded delicious.

Then they told me the price. About $6.

For one cupcake!

I was stunned. Listen, I knew prices had gone up. But apparently, prices had gone UP up. That was more than a tank of gas in my area! 😂

Now, at that point, I could’ve politely said, “You know what? Never mind.”

But I wasn’t going to be that girl who made them grab the cupcake, and then tell them they could put it back.

So…I bought it. And I ate it. And?

I was underwhelmed.

It wasn’t terrible. I just genuinely didn’t think that cupcake was worth almost $6.

Now here’s my question.

What do you think I did next?

• Demanded my money back?
• Left an angry 1-star review?
• Started warning everybody that the cupcakes were most certainly not worth $6?!

In a word…no.

I simply went about my life. Because here’s the thing. That bakery didn’t need me to like its cupcakes.

Everybody Isn’t Your Customer

Last I checked, that bakery had a 4.9 out of 5 stars with hundreds of reviews.

Plenty of people apparently tasted those cupcakes and thought: “Take my money!”

I tasted one and thought: “I could’ve bought a cake box mix and made 18 of these bad boys myself!”

So clearly, I was not their target audience. And that’s okay.

• Different people.
• Different expectations.
• Different conclusions.

But imagine if that bakery became obsessed with winning over people like me.

Imagine if every time somebody said: “Eh, that cupcake’s not worth $6.”

The bakery:

• Panicked.
• Changed the recipe.
• Changed the size.
• Dropped the price.
• Changed the recipe again.

Eventually, they might completely ruin the thing that all of their loyal customers loved in the first place. All because they were chasing the approval of people who were never going to be their customers.

Sis. Do you see where I’m going with this?

The Truth You Need to Hear

Sis, you don’t have to be chosen by everybody.

In dating, you’re going meet people who make you feel like you’re…

• Too picky.
• Too educated.
• Too ambitious.
• Too outgoing.
• Too independent.
• Too serious.
• Too goofy.
• Too bougie.
• Too whatever.

And before long, you can start thinking:

Maybe I need to tone myself down.

But sis, maybe you’re simply not his cup of tea…or cupcake. 😂

And before somebody emails me: yes, I realize human beings are substantially more complicated than baked goods.

The point is that a person’s inability or unwillingness to choose you isn’t automatically evidence that something is wrong with you.

Sometimes, you’re simply not compatible.

• You can be attractive and not be someone’s type.
• You can be intelligent and still not connect intellectually with someone.
• You can be kind and still not have chemistry.
• You can have healthy standards that one man considers excessive and another man considers perfectly reasonable.

You don’t have to convince every person you meet that you’re worth choosing. You need to recognize the person who can appreciate what you’re offering.

A person's inability or unwillingness to choose you isn't automatically evidence that something is wrong with you. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

Rejection Has a Way of Making You Question Yourself

Research has shown that social rejection can affect how you feel about yourself and can trigger a desire to get their acceptance and feel like you belong.

That means after somebody rejects you, you may become more tempted to adjust yourself to regain their approval.

• Maybe you start overlooking things you originally said were dealbreakers.
• Maybe you become more agreeable.
• Maybe you stop voicing your opinions.
• Maybe you accept less communication than you really want.
• Maybe you lower standards that were perfectly reasonable before this person showed up.

Maybe you start thinking:

“If I can just become what he wants, he’ll choose me.”

But that’s dangerous territory.

Your sense of value can’t rise and fall based on who happens to be interested in you this week.

You don't have to convince every person you meet that you're worth choosing. You need to recognize the person who can appreciate what you're offering. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

The APA defines self-worth as your evaluation of yourself as a valuable, capable person deserving of respect and consideration.

Notice what isn’t in that definition. Whether John texted you back.

Jesus Wasn’t Chosen by Everybody Either

And here’s where I think Christians sometimes get confused.

Somehow, we’ve developed the idea that if you’re loving, godly, kind, mature, and walking in your purpose, everybody should like you.

Have you read the Bible?

Jesus wasn’t universally accepted. People rejected Him. Misunderstood Him. And walked away from Him.

And yet Jesus didn’t continually reinvent Himself to gain their approval.

John 6:66-69 NLT tells us that many of His disciples actually turned away and deserted Him.

Jesus even asked the Twelve if they wanted to leave too.

Notice what He didn’t do. He didn’t say: “Wait! What can I change so you’ll stay?” That’s important.

People rejected Jesus. Misunderstood Him. Criticized Him. And walked away from Him.And yet Jesus didn't continually reinvent Himself to gain their approval. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

Because losing someone’s approval doesn’t automatically mean you’re moving in the wrong direction.

And Galatians 1:10 NLT challenges the desire to make pleasing people our primary goal.

It doesn’t mean you ignore feedback. It means you don’t build your identity around being universally liked.

Losing someone's approval doesn't automatically mean you're moving in the wrong direction. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

But Please Don’t Use This as an Excuse to Avoid Self-Reflection

Sis, it’s all about balance because there is another extreme.

You don’t want to walk around saying: “I’m perfect exactly as I am, and anybody who has an issue with me just isn’t my customer!”

Ma’am. Sometimes the “cupcake” is dry, hard, and somewhat inedible. 😂

Sometimes you really do need to work on something.

• Maybe your communication could improve.
• Maybe you’re unnecessarily rigid.
• Maybe your expectations are unrealistic.
• Maybe unresolved hurt is affecting how you date.
• Maybe multiple trustworthy people have lovingly pointed out the same pattern.

Scripture doesn’t tell you to ignore correction.

Proverbs 12:15 NLT reminds us that wise people listen to advice.

So when someone doesn’t choose you, or when someone gives you criticism, ask yourself:

Is this useful feedback, or is this simply personal preference?

That’s an important distinction.

Do you have several emotionally healthy, trustworthy people who love you and are identifying the same unhealthy behavior? Take a look at it.

But if one man tells you that wanting consistent communication is “too needy”? That doesn’t automatically mean he’s right.

Stop Auditioning for People Who Already Decided They Don’t Like the Product

There comes a point when you have to stop auditioning.

Stop Auditioning for People Who Already Decided They Don't Like the Product #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

You’ve shown him who you are. He’s shown you what he’s looking for. And perhaps the two simply don’t match.

That’s information, not an indictment.

You don’t have to launch a rebranding campaign every time somebody doesn’t choose you.

Think about that bakery.

They aren’t standing outside saying:

“PLEASE! TRY ANOTHER CUPCAKE! MAYBE YOU’LL LIKE US THIS TIME!”

They’re selling their cupcakes.

The people who love them keep coming back.

The people who don’t? Go somewhere else.

You don't have to launch a rebranding campaign every time somebody doesn't choose you. #forsinglewomenonly Share on X

The Right Person Still Has to Be the Right Person

What I mean by “the right one” is the person who is actually right for you:

• Someone whose values align with yours.
• Someone whose character you respect.
• Someone with whom there is mutual attraction.
• Someone capable of healthy commitment.
• Someone who loves God.

Someone who isn’t asking you to betray yourself, abandon your convictions, or become a completely different woman just to keep him interested.

And here’s the other half:

You should be right for him too.

Healthy relationships involve mutual choosing. You shouldn’t have to drag somebody across the finish line.

Let Some People Walk Past the Display Case

One of the lessons I had to learn is that you’re not going to be everybody’s favorite flavor. And you need to become okay with that.

Psalm 139:14 NLT reminds you that you are wonderfully made.

That doesn’t mean you’re flawless. It means your value was established before some random man decided whether he liked you.

So remain teachable. Remain humble. Work on the things God shows you need work. Grow. Heal. Mature. Apologize when necessary. Adjust unhealthy expectations when necessary.

But don’t dismantle yourself trying to become irresistible to everybody.

You don’t need everybody to choose you.

And sometimes, someone walking away isn’t confirmation that something is wrong with you.

Sometimes it simply means: They’re not your customer.

Let them keep walking. Somebody else will happily pay the $6.